stay or leave

[dw626]

How do I leave a controlling, narcissist man that I live with after two years when I have my two children involved?? I dont want to hurt my kids but he is drving me crazy!!! Always lying, making plans with me and then going away for weekends. He always puts himself first. He just leaves and does what he wants at the drop of a hat. But sometimes he is the most WONDERFUL man. That man only lasts for a few days and then he goes right back into his cycle. He talks to his ex wife sometimes 5 times day. He threatens to call my ex and tell him I have abandoned my kid when I go out with my friends(which has been 3 times in two years). Yet he can come and go as he pleases. He doesn't care about Easter so he left tonight for the weekend and I had no idea he was going anywhere. His bags were packed and him and his cousin jumped in the car and left.

My friends hate him, his friends aren't too fond of him. One guy is just waiting for us to break up so he can punch him in his face.
Even his own family talks bad about him to me. He has the potential to be a great guy, what can I do differently to make him be a better man?? I truly love him but the drama he creates is never ending. One day I'm the greatest and the next day he's telling me it's over. He has probably dumped me 50 times but then a day goes by and he acts like nothing ever happened? I am so lost and confused

[surfhb]

Whats the question? if it's "will he change?" - the answer is NO! I know you know what you need to do but I think you're just reaching for approval....correct?

Do what you know is the right thing for you....not your kids, not your man....but YOU!!! Everything else will fall into place

[Bambina]

I have recently gone through something similar and my advice is to not stay and let him treat you this way. I seriously doubt that he will change for the better and you deserve something better.

[MerryH]

How do you leave? You just do. You make the choice to leave and then you make it happen. You know it's what you need to do. You can think about it and come to terms with the breakup after you're gone.

I bet all your friends who hate him would be super happy to hear that you finally want out. I'm sure they'd love to help you leave him by offering you a place to stay for a bit or moving your things out quickly while he's at work someday.

[Pakal]

For you and your kids quit. You might keep in touch but only for the good part. And without confusing your kids. Don't share emotions with him since hh seems not stable. Only do nice things. Stay open for other contacts.

[bartown22]

Just go, and don't look back, I left my husband after 20 years of being treated like crap, best thing I ever did, but it took me a long time to do it, I now wish I hadn't wasted all those years! good luck

[Charlie Boy II]

Why;d you marry him in the first place?

[Jolicoeur]

My brother broke up with his girlfriend last year. They have two lovely kids together. I was upset about his decision, even though I love my brother. (I put them up in my appartment for five months so that he didn't have to rent a place until he found a new home).

For a while I blamed him putting his own needs ahead of his kids'. But I found out that the stress he had in his previous relationship was very bad on the kids too. Now that he lives with a new girlfriend, the little ones miss their mom (every other week) obviously, but they are much more stable and doing well.

Don't automatically assume leaving an abusive partner is bad for the children.

[surfhb]

For a while I blamed him putting his own needs ahead of his kids'

His own needs are his kids needs

Don't automatically assume leaving an abusive partner is bad for the children.

Huh? Why would staying with an abusive partner be good?

[Jolicoeur]

His own needs are his kids needs

The needs of his kids to have their mother and father around all the time have been overruled by his needs to run off with another woman. Surely you can understand my previous post now?

Huh? Why would staying with an abusive partner be good?

Have you read dw626's opening post? She tolerates her partner's bad behavior for the sake of the children.