In such distress and hurt. Please help.

[Tricia2710]

Hello again,

Just needed to get some input on what's going on in my life right now. I am recently single after a year in a relationship. That relationship I was in was very rocky and insecure a good portion of the whole year we were together. He was different than any of the guys I ever dated. We started dating in April of 2010 and split up in November of 2010. We split because he thought I was bring too much trouble to our relationship. Meaning that I would leave him be when we had a fight. I would always try to talk and work it out, but in his eyes he thought I was trying to fight him back and win. So wasn't the case. I did lie to him a couple times, and that was because I felt threatened by him. I was scared to be honest with him for certain reasons, because everytime I did something he didn't like, I would get yelled at. And when he yelled, it was serious verbal abuse. Very mean and horrific things were said to me. So he basically told me it was my fault and that I needed to change. So ok, I signed up for therapy and tried to better myself. So after a few months in about January of 2011, we started hanging out again. We had fun together. It was nice, so we got back together in March of 2011.

Things were wonderful. We were very happy with each other. So of course when a small fight arrose, it was All my fault. 100%. He started the verbal abuse again and it was just awful. So of course he clearly told me what I did wrong and what I need to fix. The only thing he felt bad about was saying mean things. He told me that I bring out the monster in him. Yeah ok. Everybody controls their own actions. So again I wasn't mature enough. I was dumb and had no knowledge according to him. A second fight happened a few weeks later and the same thing happened, but he spit at me this time. That was horrible.

Then 2 days ago was it. I was joking around and I guess me doing was all it took for him to say everything terrible you can possibly think of. The verbal abuse was terrifying. It just became out of contol. I called the police I was so scared. I pushes him away and covered his mouth from speaking because I was so upset he wouldn't stop calling me names after I asked him a hundred times. So that was it. It was over. The cops told us to just relax and go our separate ways for the night.

I haven't spoken to him since. I'm so disgusted by him and what he did. We had a vacation planned. That's all done with. It's just awful.

I know I don't deserve to be treated that way, but I am so upset. I felt bad I called the police and just all around feel horrible.

Please anybody with advice, I'd appreciate it. I know I shouldnt be upset, but iam.

[Mathias]

You should get professional help.

The first time he verbally abused you, you should have never seen or talked with him again. The fact that you did signifies that you're going to need some help to change that behavior. If you don't change the underlying cause, something bad could happen to you with someone else.

Forget him and whatever happened here. He's an asshole. Fix yourself.

[DarkHelmet82]

why would you stay with a guy that treats you like shit... good riddance.. go on the vacation with a friend.. screw him.. hes not worth your time.

[Tricia2710]

But what about what I did to cause the fight? I didn't think it was completely bad. He asked me to stop talking before things get worse, and I didn't. I wanted to talk it out. But apparently he didn't. So that's why he blew up at me is because I didn't stop when he asked. That's the majority of the reason we fought. It was all my fault. There were a few times I did lie to him, but that's because I wanted to look better in his eyes than he saw me. But that totally backfired.

I was in therapy because he told me I needed to go. But I haven't gone back in a while now. It helped alot, so maybe I should consider going back.

But was I in the wrong for what I did? Did I deserve it? He sure made me feel like I did. He used such hate words. But here's the kicker he just started using steroids. So I think that's why it got worse. I was thinking he has his own insecurities too. It's just he made himself sound perfect. And I was just a piece of garbage.

I guess I need to have more self pride..... :-/

[DarkHelmet82]

Why do you care? Why are you blaming yourself?

[Tricia2710]

I don't know! That's all i know is that I was at fault! He would tell me that constantly! He always talked down to me! Never wanted to communicate or work things out. When I asked him to stop insulting me he said he'd try!

I just felt like I deserved the abuse because of what I did. That's all...

[DarkHelmet82]

ok you need professional help.. you like being in an abusive relationship.. NOBODY deserves treatment like that.
do you have low self esteem?

[Tricia2710]

I don't like being in an abusive relationship at all. When things calmed down it was fine. It just seems like something I did triggered his madness. I was in therapy before, but I stopped going when I felt better. I stuck around because I wanted to help him. I wanted to show him how much I was dedicated to us.

I just needed some advice on why I am feeling so bad when I shouldn't. And to see if anybody thought there was something else about him that I was missing. Insecurities. Bipolar. Etc.

[Mathias]

But what about what I did to cause the fight?

Doesn't matter. He's a dickhead.

Please get help.

[Bo]

He sounds like he is about 3 seconds away from hitting you, besides he's already an emotional batterer, men like him like to abuse. Stop letting him do it. Abusive men are professionals at twisting things around to be you're fault and never accepting any responsibility AND justifying the way they treat you. RUN and don't look back!

[Tricia2710]

Thanks for all of your input everyone.

I can see that me accepting his behavior towards me was so wrong on my part. I guess I'm just too soft when it comes to that. I just believed in him tremendously, and it seems like he has insecurities. He would always call himself fat and disgusting etc. I always had to reassure him of things.

It's just very sad a human being could even be that way. He told me last weekend that be was a terrible child to his own mother. He would tell her to die and that he hated her etc. So maybe be has a problem with how he treats women.

I just hope one day he realizes his actions were awful and that I shouldn't have been treated that way. Maybe even getting off the steroids would help too.

That man has forever scarred me. I hope one day I'll be able to trust a man again. :-/

[Tricia2710]

Is it normal to feel so sad. I honestly just don't get why I feel so down. It's so hard to really figure out what exactly it is that I feel. I have family and friends, so I don't know if it's because I'm lonely. I shouldn't feel alone. I have them to keep me company.

Honestly, getting advice helps. I just hope whatever it is I feel goes away...

[nativeaustin83]

Verbal abuse turns into physical abuse. They start with the verbal and then days, months, or even years go by and it turns physical. Don't ever speak to him again. Get counseling to improve your self esteem. Don't end up with a broken collar bone like me. It's shameful and expensive and it tears your self-esteem apart.

[Tricia2710]

I desperatly need some advice.....

I honestly have literally been so sick because of everything thats going on lately.

I talked to my ex via Text on Easter Sunday. We exchanged a few texts, and he basically told me that he was so incredibly hurt by the last fight we had. I don't want to get into all of it, but if I need to write more, I will. Anyways, we planned a vacation about 3 months ago. I figured we weren't going to go, and the $1,300.00 I spent was going down the drain. So we decided we were going to go, since we couldn't change the flight, the names of the flight, etc.

So he said to give each other some space, and we'd talk again soon. So we ended up seeing each other on Friday night for an hour. It was nice, and we didn't fight or have any problems.

We talked again today, and he seemed really aggrivated, so needless to say, he brought up the past, said things were ALL my fault. I need to learn to leave him alone, and just back off. He said I'm trying too hard to get him back. Etc etc.

I'm honestly a big mess. I probably screwed things up, and I'm just waiting for the call saying he's not going with me to Vegas. Its so hard to pick myself up and just leave this.

My head is so messed up right now. I don't even know what direction to go in. I'm numb to my life, I don't have feelings about anything anymore. It seems all I know how to do is cry.

Am I wrong for everything? If my post makes no sense, I apologize. I'm just a wreck. I just want to close my eyes and wake up when life is better again. Its an awful feeling that I have, and no matter what I do, it won't go away.

Please help. I just don't know what to do anymore..

[Cblake36]

EVen poeple that I hated I never spit on them..........................get it? Seriously, you are sooooooooo better off.............noone deserves that..................thats seriously twisted............I have NEVER talked to a person like that let alone a girl...................be good to yourself...............=)