What should my next move be?

[theoburray]

It's based primarily on posts #18-20 of this thread: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/52819-i-am-still-single-i-have-no-idea-what-do-next-2.html[/url]

Summary=

-Girl gave me her number in December
-Tried calling a few times back then but it kept going to voicemail so gave up, also because I liked another girl more
-Gave up on the other girl around this time last month
-Got back in minimal contact with this girl, just a few messages albeit she only responded to one and it was a general response
-Texted her on Thursday Night saying how she was but when she didn't respond back decided to not pursue further at all.
-Almost certain I saw her at work, definitely had to be her cos that's where she works according to someone on facebook, awkward stare but I don't think we actually properly recognised each other since we havent been face to face in 4 months.
-Was with a few mates in the city on Saturday Night and she texted me ''Hey (my name), (my friends name) wants to know when you're going out next?'.
-She was with a group of friends and my mate was one of them, he told me this morning that she was telling him she was going to text me so I'm thinking she wanted to know when I was going out next, She tried to call as well but I was in a place with no reception They were already in the city so I probably would have met up with them but by the time I got the missed call and text I couldn't get in contact with them.
-Tried again to call tonight but it went to voicemail, dunno what it is with this girl and not answering :p

I'm not sure what to do next. Probably wait till closer to this weekend but it's Easter so I can't go out clubbing or anything (which is what we were both doing albeit different places) because of work mostly. I like her A LOT, my mate must know that too (that I at least like her not the LOT bit) because she probably would have told him that I've been getting into contact with her a lot recently and he can put 2+2 together.

In terms of asking her out to anything huge, that is far from my mind. I haven't talked to her in 4 months, I want to know her more and let things progress from there, I just want to see her again bascially whether it's a single or group setting.

[smackie9]

If they don't return your calls they are not interested.....even if they give you their number, doesn't mean they are interested...ya I know it's BS. If a girl wants you she will make a full effort to let you know. There would never be phone tag happening that's for sure. Just carry on with your search.

[theoburray]

I don't want to carry on with the search, took me this long to find two girls I really like. and since one is down at least for the time being and it looks like this girl has somewhat of an interest in me I don't want to just outright give up, I did that but Saturday night shows at least she wants to know me more. I don't know if she likes me a lot in that way but it's because we haven't seen each other in months, I just want to know her more and see her again then carry on from there.

[smackie9]

Well I don't understand why you are on here. You know what you are going to do, and after the Easter weekend plan to see her sometime....so what is the big deal?

[theoburray]

I'm not sure if I should wait for her to contact me again or to contact her again this week via text or fb, last thing I want to do is **** it up due to either trying to talk to her too much or not enough.

[smackie9]

If you are that isecure about it, then she's not going to want to have anthing to do with you because that insecurity shows. Damned if you do and damned if you don't....if she's not that into you it doesn't matter what you do, so there's nothing to f uck up. If she likes you, she's gonna want you to contact her or at least show some interest...so there is nothing to F uck up there either.

[theoburray]

true i just hate my timing, the only time she calls and im in an underground club with no ******g reception. I hate my luck. I'm just sick of all this waiting time and stuff, I just want to go for it but then there are always delays. I'll talk to my mate about it next time hes on facebook or something and see what's up and if I have a chance lol, I hope he thinks I do.

[theoburray]

Well today I had a chat with her on facebook, actually kind of long (actually the longest conversation I've probably ever had with her including when I met her), just discussed last weekend and plans for the weekend and stuff, just general things, I suppose just to keep me in her mind (somewhere) hopefully. I know she is busy this weekend and next weekend (through the convo) so I'm not going to push any date or anything, I'm not going to text her either considering I pretty much know the latest with her. I know I could ask her on a date for a weekday seeing as we're both uni students but I haven't seen this girl face to face in four months so I don't want to jump into a date, I just want to see her again in any circumstance really. Hopefully she gets in contact with me again or if not I can at least arrange a coffee with her in a couple of weeks. But for the time being (well 2 weeks) I'm just going to wait, I don't want to dive into anything and at least I've pretty much reaffirmed to her that I exist cos for about 3 months (Mid-Dec-Mid-March) we didn't text, fb or anything at all.

Now this sunday I'm probably going to see the other girl I really liked (the one from work in other threads) for the first time in a month, I bet the feelings come rushing back and it's back to a love triangle lol.

[theoburray]

I know I have to distance myself a little but do you think I have somewhat of a chance here? I'm not saying is she interested in me because even if she is it won't be on the same level as I am but I think once Easter is finished, there might be an opportunity and I plan on taking it, unlike the girl from work there aren't any repurcussions from this which can arise

[theoburray]

Well I 'texted' her out since she never answers her phone and I never see her in person and no response so I think that says it.

0-2 in 2011, I know why I didn't try before. I only asked her to coffee, I was going to ask her somewhere properly if we went. It might sound like me giving up at the first hurdle but I'm sick of all the games that comes with it, 2 girls within a short period of time who were very attractive and had great personalities and I thought liked me a bit have decided that I'm not good enough for them, they've set an extremely high standard that probably won't be fulfilled for a long time.

I have to wait until tommorow in case there is a reply back but she's replied to all the texts I've sent her recently so this is it, there's not much I can do with a girl I don't see often besides non verbal communication. I'm sick of it.

[smackie9]

Dear don't expect everyone to find you BF material. I'm sure there have been girls that had hinted they wanted to go out with you but you didn't have any real interest in. It goes both ways. The thing that works best is if you find them attractive, you ask them out on a date right away or very soon after.....don't wait for a month or so just with texting and hanging out.....you get friend zoned. If they say no, you just move on, and don't waste anymore time on them. You need to stop investing your feelings in girls that are not going out with you. You should never expect anything unless you are in a relationship. I get this "well how am I supposed to get to know them if you say not to text, and hang out first?" That is what dating is all about. You go out on a date to talk and get to know one another that way. It's what adults do. You are no longer in high school. The old method of texting and just hanging out is kids stuff. So step one get their number. Step 2 call them and ask them out on a date. Step 3 go out on date and get to know them. Step 4 ask them out again, Step 5 repeat step 3. If They say no to second date, go ask someone else out. Oh and before I forget....you can go out on other dates with other girls at the same time you know....just to increase your odds. Just because you go out with someone on a date, doesn't mean you have to be committed to just them.

[theoburray]

Yeah the time thing has been the worst, I don't think I was really 'friend zoned' with her but the time might have hurt me but it wasn't a month of constant, consistent texting/facebook. We talked very occasionally through these methods but not often enough for me to get friend zoned.

It's not as if it's taken me 5 months, I would consider from about December to March to not exist considering we didn't see each other, talk to each other it was like we forgot about each other until around Mid-March but I know I have to be quicker when it comes to a girl but that does not help me now. And the other girl from work I've gave up on too. So in a quick period of time I've gave up on two very attractive girls with great personalities who I didn't even go out with once or do anything with, not even a coffee yet they seemed to show interest in me (both of them), it hurts a lot. I've never felt like this before, double the 'heartbreak' (not sure if thats the right word) and yes if I had asked them out straight away and got nothing it would have been a lot easier but no I have to wait and things happen and it turns to this but to be fair neither girl has gave me a straight 'no' answer which I would have preferred. They lead me on and I get hurt even more.

[smackie9]

Ya that's the complaint I hear most... the "I'm not sure", "Maybe" or 'I dunno" it's never a direct answer. You have to learn to take it as a no. If they give you excuses like "I've been real busy" "I just got out of a bad relationship" "I have exams" "I've been too tired from work" "Have to go babysit my cousin" any of that shit.....it means I'm not interested plain and simple.

They didn't lead you on hun. It's not their fault you had feelings for them. Leading you on is making out with you and then not answering you calls, leading you on is saying how much they are into you and then you see them with someone else.....get it? Just because a girl gives you her number doesn't mean she is obligated to do anything else.

[theoburray]

Ya that's the complaint I hear most... the "I'm not sure", "Maybe" or 'I dunno" it's never a direct answer. You have to learn to take it as a no. If they give you excuses like "I've been real busy" "I just got out of a bad relationship" "I have exams" "I've been too tired from work" "Have to go babysit my cousin" any of that shit.....it means I'm not interested plain and simple.

They didn't lead you on hun. It's not their fault you had feelings for them. Leading you on is making out with you and then not answering you calls, leading you on is saying how much they are into you and then you see them with someone else.....get it? Just because a girl gives you her number doesn't mean she is obligated to do anything else.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't know anymore. it's just a shitty feeling. Since I haven't done it before ever and now I have done it twice and been rejected twice and given up on both of them at the same time, it isn't an easy road at the moment. If It was a case of I see a girl, she looks good and she shoots me down it wouldn't bother me that much but the fact I got to know both for an extended period of time (albeit one I haven't seen face to face in months) and liked a lot before I asked them out, rejection is harder. And Like I said physically and emotionally those two have set a very high standard. Great personalities, very good looking, very fit, very good attitude and I don't want to rush into a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to at all, I'm not desperate.

but thanks. it's just something I'll have to get over but I don't know how long it will take, I'm not depressed or anything it's not affecting my daily life but I'm thinking about it a lot still and it hurts.

[smackie9]

Tip: do not invest your feelings unless you are in a actual relationship. Having strong feelings for someone you haven't gone out with actually turns them off. This may have been the case here. And guess what.....rejection is just part of the dating life so get used to it.