Can a relationship work second time round? Any tips?

[Gemma]

I was with my husband for 11 years, but only married for 7months, and he left me. We have no children but were trying for a baby. He said he didn't think he felt the same way anymore and saw me as a friend. That was nearly 3 months ago. During this time he has texted quite a bit and dragged his feet with moving his stuff. I've been strong throughout this time. I haven't texted him except to reply to him and I've kept myself busy. I feel that I've changed as a person, I've got my confidence back. I think I was quite needy and had quite low self-esteem, even though my husband told me I was gorgeous etc.

Over the past week he has texted a lot, he's told me he's ashamed at the way he's behaved and misses me like crazy. He said he's realised what he's thrown away and has realised I'm way too good for him. He said he wants us to try again and he's never been more sure of anything.

He's coming round to see me today, and I don't know what to do. In my heart I love and adore him and would love for us to live happily ever after. But can it work? He's done this to me before about 5 years ago but came back after 2 weeks. Any tips on making it work second time round - that's if I decide to give him a second chance?

[falnangel]

Ugh.. your story leaves me with a bad feeling in my stomach, and gives me flashbacks of when my boyfriend (or ex I should say) left me out of the blue a couple years ago for a month (we were together for 7 years back then), and I later found out it was so that he could be with someone else.

Not saying that is what your husband is doing, but do you ever question why he repeatedly has these (to me it looks like) commitment issues where he has to break away every so often?

If you're feeling strong and confident now- RUN! Seriously. I was still quite young when my ex did that to me (21) and I ran right back to him as soon as he opened his arms, stupid girl I was. Fast forward another 2 years, I just found out a week ago that he has had multiple affairs behind my back, one as recent as 4 months ago.

If you know that he is definitely not out doing what my ex was, then it's another story, but regardless, I wouldn't trust him in terms of whether or not he is going to stick with you. How do you know he won't pull this yet again in another few years? As soon as I read that it happened before (5 years ago) I already had my mind made up about what you should do.

But it's your call. Good luck!

[falnangel]

And it sounds more like a third chance, and that is one too many IMO.

[jb1111983]

You'll have to use your head more than your heart in this scenario. You need to be sure that he really has changed for the better before you give him another chance. Judging from what he did to you in the past he doesn't deserve another chance. To me he doesn't sound like a man you can grow old with.

[Gemma]

It's upsetting to hear that advice to be honest. I'm certain he has never cheated on me. When I saw him he did seem changed.and he seemed genuine. He's such a nice, lovely guy. I feel confused now. I was feeling happy and optimistic about us and now I don't know.

[falnangel]

These are all just third party opinions.

Ultimately do what you feel is right for you, cuz no one else can tell you what that is.

[Gemma]

I've now told him I don't want to see him (I was supposed to see him on Friday). And I've told him I don't want to take the risk. I don't know if I've done the right thing. He's not replied yet because he's at work. We were bestest friends and I adore him. I really want us to work, 11 years is a long time together. We've grown up together from our teens. I'm so confused.

[falnangel]

I understand your struggle; I am in the same position as you are.

I think either way you are taking a risk. It's just up to you to determine which risk outweighs the other.

You can always try to slowly (very slowly) work back at it. Starting at bare minimum- hanging out platonically. Leave the emotions at the door.

[falnangel]

And don't make any rash decisions based on what you read from our responses. We can only offer advice as we don't know the whole story.

Absorb what we say, but also listen to what's inside your soul (that's the most important voice).