i want to make it work till the end...

[xvi]

i've been with my bf now for the last 9 months... we love each other so much... we're inseparable.. we never get tired or fed up of being together... we'd spent days together and yet we still miss each other once we part ways.. i get jealous easily... i'm paranoid with everything about us.. but he has all the patience there is to understand me not until one time when i got mad about something i saw online.. i never thought i had pulled the trigger already.. he said he's tired of me being so jealous about everything and then he asked for some time off.. he's the kind of guy who has all the patience, but once he feels like its too much.. he dont know what to do anymore.. it happened to him once and he broke up with that girl.. so when i found out that i've reached his limit.. i begged him to stay.. i know its my fault.. and i regret everything i did wrong.. i asked him to give me a chance.. he said he is but we need some time off.. no connection at all.. its been 2 weeks already.. im not used to us being away this long.. but he said he needs time.. we need time.. everything is different now, he's so cold especially the day when we asked for some time off.. though i see some improvements like he's telling me again that he loves me so much and he misses me and he knows that in time everything will be okay again.. and that nothing has changed.. i still want us to be back to how we were.. my friends told me to be patient and to hold on.. that he just need some time to cool down and he'll come around.. but i feel like i have to do something... i dont know if i should keep showing him how much i love him and how much i want us to be together again.. or just give him the time he need.. just let him be.. and when he's okay.. he'll be back like what he told me.. all i want is to make it last till the end.. he told me before that we'll do everything to make it last till the end so i just cant do nothing here and wait.. but some of my friends told me that i should give him the time he needs.. and im just confused.. i love him so much and i know he does too... we've talked about this before and he know that i will never let go and i'll do everything for us... i just need advices... help..

[smackie9]

I'm guessing you are very young. I will give you a tip......to be desirable, you need to be undesirable....undesirable meaning making yourself less available to him, like completely ignore him. If he contacts you be kool but a little responsive. Being all winy, begging and stuff will push him away. So yes your friends are right....give him his space. You really need to not be so needy and dependent on him to entertain you. What he is looking for is you to have some independence and not make him your whole world....people hate that s hit. Spending every minute with each other kills relationships......it just gets to be too much. If he wants some down time away from you to chill with his buddies, it doesn't mean he loves you any less or is losing intetest....he just wants to do something different.....space is a good thing.

[smackie9]

You quoted that "We never got tired of each other". well he did.

[pisces25]

Life is impermanent as is relationships. At some point or another we are going to have to part with our loved ones, whether by death, one partner leaving etc. So wanting something to last until the end is not possible. You have an unhealthy attachment to this guy and the relationship and that is what is causing your suffering. Not his actions. If he has asked for time, leave him alone and let him sort out what he needs. In the meantime examine your own behaviour and what went wrong and work on improving that so if he does return you can be the kind of partner you want to be.

[xvi]

@smackie9: its just weird... bec when we were just starting, he was the one who wanted us to spend more time together.. thats why i get used to being with him and got so dependent.. i get your point, thought about it several times as well.. me totally ignoring him.. like i wont initiate any connection between us.. just that at the back of my head, i have this fear that if i do that, he might not think that i still love him which make him decides to totally end what we have.. but then again, he always tell me that he just need to think.. he just need time and space.. but he knows that everything will be ok again... which made me really confusing.. i guess im just afraid to lose him.. i know we had an unhealthy relationship.. and i know that what i became after being with him is not right.. i depended on my bf for my own happiness.. i never really had a time for myself.. so whats happening to us right now is difficult for me.. but yeah, that's what im gonna do.. make myself less available for him.. find happiness without being dependent to him.. and to live outside the world we built in...

thanks for the advice.. really appreciate it..

[xvi]

@pisces25: yes.. thank you! i guess its not only him who needs this time off... i need it as well.. to realize whats right and whats wrong in our relationship and in myself... and then change whatever it is that needs changing.. so everything will be better... i know that there's nothing permanent.. i just want to be able to do everything i can to save what i have right now...

thanks for the advices.. and yeah.. i'll leave him alone.. and focus on myself more and the other things around me.. i appreciate you guys replying to my post...

[Yet another guy]

Have you gotten over your jealosy and paranoia? Your relationship will never work if you can't.
Getting back together might be tricky though. While showing your love would almost never be the wrong choice, in this case it might make appear needy and obsessed which in turn would make you seem insecure which is probably the source of your jealosy in the first place.

[xvi]

my jealousy and paranoia? well, thats something i'm working on right now... i know that if i keep being this way.. its never gonna work out... this is one of the reason why he told me that we need to give ourself some time.. he said i need to fix this trust issue.. and thats what im doing.. thanks yetanotherguy