At uni and pregnant. Decided to keep it but bf has gone distant.

[lostnconfused22]

I was trying to explain to him why I was upset about this situation and he replied. 'Do you think its possible to talk about something else?' I feel like I cant even talk to him about my thoughts to keep this baby now. I dont know what to do. I dont want to end up a single mother.

[vashti]

Based on your age alone, I think you should plan on being a single parent - if not immediately, then in your near future. You should make your decision based on whether or not you are actually in any position to offer another human being what they really need, independent of this baby's father.

You will need money: they are very expensive, especially when unforseen things pop up, such as illness. Do you have a good job with health insurance? Do you have your own living space with room for a baby? Can you afford the furniture/clothing/diapers/food a baby would need? Can you afford to start saving for the baby's educational costs (college)?

You will have a MAJOR change to your lifestyle. You can forget about going out and having any fun for a long time, and most of your friends will abandon you because you won't have anything in common anymore. Also, most males in your age range won't be interested in dating a young mother (understandable), and even if you are lucky enough to find someone who is, you will have to consider very carefully THEIR motives. (Pedophiles ADORE single mothers.)

Are you prepared to stay up all night with a sick baby and then get up for work with almost no sleep? How about for a few nights in a row? And who will take care of this child while you work, especially when they are sick? And how much will they cost?

Are you prepared to listen to a LOT of crying, for who knows what reason? (You certainly won't know!)

Do you know how to discipline unruly children, keeping in mind their developmental stage, and what is appropriate for them given their age? Are you prepared to listen to perfect strangers tell you how you are doing it all wrong? Do you have an endless amount of patience?

[2moraNeverKnows]

feel for ya.. you seem to be in a really tight spot. If he's sorry after everytime he upsets you, he must feel guilt and therefore acknowledges he's in the wrong.. but if it keeps happening he's not learning to stop acting the way he does. I'll re-iterate.. plan on him not being around. It's all well & good him being brought up with traditional values.. but we still form our own morals as we get older and it sounds like he really doesn't a) wnat a baby now b) have much consideration for you at this difficult time. It can lead to resentment if he feels your taking his youth away. I've seen it happen.. but with mates at a younger age. At 26 now.. 27 when/if it comes along he'll be finishin uni & should be ableto support you given his degree & field. I think he's choosing his position with a mindset of not wanting a child and finding arguments to suit it.

Vashti, I know things are different in the states but kids get free dental / health / schooling up to 18 in the UK, yeah uni is getting more expensive weighing in at c.$20,000 a year all inclusive but that's a long way off and loans are available to all.
You raise a valid point on the dramatic change of lifestyle...

lostnconfused22, I think you have to consider the lifestyle change some more. While all your friends are out living it up in their early & mid twenties you'll have so much more responsibility. It sounds like you're wiling to take this on however & if your support network (excluding BF for arguments sake, including as a bonus if he does stay & support you) is strong then I'm sure that would lessen the strain some.

[qwertz]

Im sorry I should have ebeen a bit more explanatory with what I had said. I have some amazing wonderfull friends which I have known for many years. They are busy as they all have jobs but I have had 2 or 3 friends offer to take time off work to take me. What I was trying to get at even though they offered it shouldnt be there responsibility. He was the one that got me pregnant. He is my boyfriend.

He just rang me the. He said he was only joking last night to see what id say. Im so upset and told him you dont joke about stuff like that. He then told me hes sorry and that hes been emotional too. Im not even sure if i want to have this abortion anymore =(

He Keeps saying hes sorry though... this morning hes been saying sorry over and over again and that I should come down for tea. Hes a fairly loyal boyfriend but he cant keep blaming this one me. I was certain I wanted to have an abortion but after doing reading on the internet I dont think I want to kill my own child just because its not the right time or situation to have a kid. I dunno... Im not in a good spot. I know my family is against abortion so I cant speak to them about this. His brother is now alot older and has his own kids. His first daughter was born while he was in high school still. She is now older then me and has done modelling and everything. I think If I did decide to keep this child he would not run off and he would stand by me. He has been brought up this way. All my friends keep asking me while Im still with him though... It makes it so hard.

What a fcuking loser. He is immature and has no respect whatsoever ffor you. Arrange with a friend to go with you, cut him out of your life, even if he does decide he can be bothered to come with you, trust me, there are much better guys out there than him. He needs to learn there is a consequence to his actions/behaviour..ie. he loses you.

[hello1]

He just rang me the. He said he was only joking last night to see what id say. Im so upset and told him you dont joke about stuff like that. He then told me hes sorry and that hes been emotional too. Im not even sure if i want to have this abortion anymore =(

Look you have a boyfriend who does not want the baby, he does not want too. A 26 year old man, he is not a teenager...he is not in his early twenties just out exploring the world he is an grown man. I am stunned at the immaturity of your boyfriend, I am shocked you are still with this 'child' You say he will stand by you if you had this child, no he will not.

He will resent you for having the baby. He will break up with you but say he be there for the baby and yes maybe he will, but maybe he won't. Out of sight out of mind you heard that saying? If you have this baby your be a single mum. Are you sure you don't want to wait? wait for your first child to be with a man who wants it?

[lostnconfused22]

What a fcuking loser. He is immature and has no respect whatsoever ffor you. Arrange with a friend to go with you, cut him out of your life, even if he does decide he can be bothered to come with you, trust me, there are much better guys out there than him. He needs to learn there is a consequence to his actions/behaviour..ie. he loses you.

All my friends have been telling me the exact same thing.

[VincenzoG91]

Are you prepared to listen to a LOT of crying, for who knows what reason? (You certainly won't know!)

Do you know how to discipline unruly children, keeping in mind their developmental stage, and what is appropriate for them given their age? Are you prepared to listen to perfect strangers tell you how you are doing it all wrong? Do you have an endless amount of patience?

And that advice applies to the boyfriend as well, if you don't get rid of him.

[doppelgaenger]

Ha! Hardly! The woman is the one who carries the baby, gives birth to it and is usually the primary carer. Its much easier for a man to walk away from a unborn baby/child than it is for a woman to walk away.
Yes, decisions should be talked through with a partner, but it is the womans choice 100%...thats why the law states the father has no choice in the matter.

Sexism x2

_______

[vashti]

Sexism x2

_______

Whether you want to call it sexism or not, it's simply a fact. This is why males who don't protect themselves from irresponsible women are fools.

[doppelgaenger]

Whether you want to call it sexism or not, it's simply a fact. This is why males who don't protect themselves from irresponsible women are fools.

I don't disagree with what you said, but the only part of that post that is a fact at all is that the woman bears a child.

This is the sexist part I disagree with: "Its much easier for a man to walk away from a unborn baby/child than it is for a woman to walk away. Yes, decisions should be talked through with a partner, but it is the womans choice 100%...thats why the law states the father has no choice in the matter."

First, the generalization that it's easier for men to walk away from a child than a woman is a fallacy. You might as well extend that to the next level and say that men are selfish and they have no conscience or any sense of empathy, but that's a heap of bullshit.

The only reason women have any leverage at all regarding childbirth is because abortion/childbirth are surgical procedures that conceal the issue under a blanket of controversy...

[VincenzoG91]

If a man wants to walk away from an unborn child, he just walks. If a woman wants to walk away from an unborn child, she needs to undergo a medical procedure to remove the fetus. This isn't sexism, it's biology.

[doppelgaenger]

If a man wants to walk away from an unborn child, he just walks. If a woman wants to walk away from an unborn child, she needs to undergo a medical procedure to remove the fetus. This isn't sexism, it's biology.

That's obvious. You missed my point.

[VincenzoG91]

Your point is irrelevant compared to the biology. The woman has to deal with this fetus inside of her, one way or the other. The man isn't that close to the situation.

[blinki]

wow... sorry if you don't want to hear this, but your boyfriend is a selfish pig.

[Boisdevie]

Bringing up kids, even in a stable relationship is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do. You're going to be a single parent and that makes it a million times harder. I would think twice about having the child given your circumstances