Am I crazy? Read this small Facebook convo to see if anything fishy is afoot.

[Cancer_Male]

Ok my GF put this as her status on FB: "Inbox me 3 questions. 1 silly question 1 serious question and 1 personal question" while ignoring the fact that i've told her numerous times that i didnt like it. I hate them because It just gives the opposite sex a reason to contact you and cause problems. Well any-who her "so-called" cousin in-boxed her these questions. I say "so-called" because she doesn't even know how they're kin, but that they just use to call each other "cuz" all the time when they were kids. As of today they rarely if ever speak to one another.


MALE:
How many strands of hair you have on your leg lol...... Do You really Consider me as a cousin.... what your fav position lol

FEMALE
OMg lol u really want me to post that? lol

MALE:
i did what the status told me to do... i didnt get an answer to any question lol... i would like the answer to the serious an personal question

(At this time i stepped in and asked her why was he asking her questions like this if they were "kin"? Naively, she said she didnt see anything wrong with it. Im like "REALLY??" U dont think thats too much info for a "cousin"..anyway, she continued to message him on, hesitant i believe because I called her out on it.)

FEMALE:
Y wud u questi0n the relative part
Sent via Facebook Mobile

MALE:
I guess because we call each other cousin but never keep in touch.... thats kinda ironic
Sent via Facebook Mobile

FEMALE:
Yea ur right

So my question is, Am I crazy to think that he was in a way trying to come on to her? I feel like its plain to see but she denied it. Why would a cousin REALLY want to know her favorite position that bad? I mean c'mon. Im not sure if she was just in denial because she was flattered or if she really didnt see anything wrong with it. Like how would you feel if your mate's "cousin" asked your mate questions like these? This is my take on it, I feel like the fact that he questioned the relative part leads me to believe he doesn't think they are kin, and if not, whats your favorite position thats what i got from it.

It got me furious because I don't want a naive woman. I want someone who can pick up on signs and know when someone is just bullsh*ttn to get into her pants.

[Horseyguy]

I think you are way too controlling to be honest, way too insecure , way too immature and over-reacting big time

You obviously don't trust her and the facebook question thingy? whatever ... that's so nothing to get worked up about

Try keep her on a leash and she's going to bolt first chance she gets, which would probably be a good thing for her by the sounds of it

[Cancer_Male]

I think you are right but its a reason behind my actions. I "didn't" trust her because in the past she would lie to me about males, talk to random males behind my back (in a flirtatious way) and lie about it until I found out. So thats why im cautious when it comes to her. But as of now we are working on our trust issues and trying to get things back to where they were. As far as FB, I only tell her I don't like that because every time she does it, another random male pops onto the scene, and with her flirtatious personality its a concern for me. But in way I guess your right about me overreacting, but I'm not immature. Maybe a little insecure about us based on our past problems with other males and lying.

Lets say for example. If i didn't step in with my concerns and say "why is he asking you these kinda questions", she would have answered him..telling her own "cousin" what her favorite sexual position was. Who knows where it could have went from there. She only downplayed it because I questioned her on it while it was happening. Maybe I don't have faith in her to step up. maybe I should just trust her to do the right thing. idk

[Horseyguy]

She is totally entitled to talk to other guys, flirt with them if she wants that's her business, the issue is whether you can deal with it or not once you know about it

Trying to stop her is controlling behaviour, from what you have posted, she isn't seeing someone else so what's the big deal?

And the only trust issue here is yours!! You are working on trust issues based around her having to lie to you because you have a problem with the way she is.

But she's totally entitled to be that way!!! she's only lying to you because she knows YOU can't deal with her NORMAL behaviour, so your answer is rather than accepting that's who she is is to try and change her

Seriously if you can't trust her without changing her, let her go, simple as that really

[MerryH]

I I only tell her I don't like that because every time she does it, another random male pops onto the scene, and with her flirtatious personality its a concern for me.

If you can't trust her to interact appropriately with other males, then you shouldn't be with her. You also seem to have no respect for her because you think she's naive and stupid enough to get tricked out of her pants.

And as wrong as I think you are with your disrespectful and controlling nature, I think you're right about her fake cousin wanting to bang her. But this really shouldn't be a problem because you should trust your girlfriend not to sleep with someone just because he wants it. I mean, to assume she's just going to sleep with anyone who shows interest is kind of silly, right? That's not how it works.

[Cancer_Male]

I see the point. I have to work on my control issues. Harder said than done i know. But, at the beginning of the relationship it was fine until out the blue she lied to me and I found out she was at the beach with her sons father, while all day i was trying to contact her to see if she wanted to go out that night. Sort of a "baby daddy drama" sort of thing. This was before I showed any issues with control or trust. Just deep in love and blind. I think i was so affected by it, it changed my views on her and her ability to lie and deceive me. ( this was only the first incident in a long line of incidents). Since then, its been hard to feel how i once did. But im trying. I don't wanna change her, but if your in a relationship I dont think flirting is good,regardless of trust issues or not, but thats just me

But @MerrH yeah my main issue was about the male mentioned above. I just wanted to know if i was wrong to think he may have been coming on to her. I only got a little put off when she denied his motives and acted like my concerns weren't valid.

[RebeccaSummer]

She sounds a bit immature putting those kinds of things on her status and obviously wants to be comtacted and have attention from people by doing that.
Either way, if she isn't going to stop it, it's always going to be an issue.
I personally don't think you sound that controlling really, it makes sense for you to question it.
I also think it's a bit weird that she's more bothered about ignoring you and posting silly questions and such on her status so she can talk to people about personal questions etc... than not doing it because she knows you don't like it.

[Cerby]

I think you're just crazy. You are over-analyzing the crap out of a simple facebook exercise. "..telling her own "cousin" what her favorite sexual position was. Who knows where it could have went from there." It wasn't going to go ANYWHERE. Man, your gf might be lying to you because she's simply afraid you'll snap at her for hanging out with the FATHER OF HER BABY. Guess what, he'll be around forever, you can't remove him, and you can't replace him. My gf hangs out with guy friends all the time, and you want to know what I tell her when she does?

Have fun, call me later.

You have to work on yourself, or let her go, your relationship is unhealthy.

[warriormaiden]

Question!
Why are you reading her personal messages?

You obviously don't trust her. Maybe you should move on, and cut out this unnecessary drama.

[Cancer_Male]

I think you're just crazy. You are over-analyzing the crap out of a simple facebook exercise. "..telling her own "cousin" what her favorite sexual position was. Who knows where it could have went from there." It wasn't going to go ANYWHERE. Man, your gf might be lying to you because she's simply afraid you'll snap at her for hanging out with the FATHER OF HER BABY. Guess what, he'll be around forever, you can't remove him, and you can't replace him. My gf hangs out with guy friends all the time, and you want to know what I tell her when she does?

Have fun, call me later.

You have to work on yourself, or let her go, your relationship is unhealthy.

I understand where your coming from but ur missing the whole point. In the beginning of the relationship (2009) i never questioned anything. It was new and i didn't expect much from her in regard to being loyal. She had no reason to lie to me from the beginning other than the fact that she was being sneaky. I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said she didn't know. At least let me know why so i can understand your motives. Instead im left in the dark to think whatever. Thats not even the worst example of betrayal i suffered from her, just the first. If i was that controlling from the beginning, there would be no way we would still be together now. (She's a text book Sagittarius) I admit I may have over analyzed the facebook thing but thats where 80% of our problem occurs. If we have a fight or disagreement, its on facebook. I hate that. And all her silly girlfriends telling her she "can do better" I never comment on it. i just kindly let her know i dont really approve of it. I find status messages like "inbox how u feel" or inbox me something u always wanted to know" are cries for attention. I feel like its setting yourself up for unnecessary situations. Thats where my problem stems from concerning that.

@warriormadien
As of recently we made a decision to exchange account info. I dont trust her as much as I would want to but i still love her wholeheartedly. Letting go is always hard to do when so much time is invested.

[falnangel]

I think you are way too controlling to be honest, way too insecure , way too immature and over-reacting big time

You obviously don't trust her and the facebook question thingy? whatever ... that's so nothing to get worked up about

Try keep her on a leash and she's going to bolt first chance she gets, which would probably be a good thing for her by the sounds of it

Horseyguy has a point that you need to approach this in a manner that isn't controlling or showing your insecurities. But, on the flip side, that does seem somewhat sketchy, on her "cuz's" part.

I'm going to assume you have her facebook password? If the two of you can't trust one another, do you ever question why you're staying together?

[MerryH]

at the beginning of the relationship it was fine...I think i was so affected by it, it changed my views on her and her ability to lie and deceive me. ( this was only the first incident in a long line of incidents).

So you've allowed yourself to become something you're not because someone else has screwed you over so many times. The correct response to losing trust in your partner is to break it off, not to become a controlling dickhead.

But I'm not sure if you actually have good reasons to not trust her. You might, but that Facebook thing was nothing. She didn't do anything wrong (except maybe be a little naive) and you're still upset because, well, she WOULD have done something bad if you hadn't stepped in and controlled the situation. But really, she may not have answered those questions even without your intervention. And if she had (it's her right to do so) that might have been the end of it.

It's called trusting your partner to do the right thing, and without trust, you have a shitty, broken relationship. I mean, are you really enjoying policing her FB account and monitoring her at all times? Do you think that's the right thing to do?

[smackie9]

I agree with the others, you are totally overreacting. What is missing in your relationship is the both of you are afraid to talk openly with each other. You yourself need to communicate on a level that is nonthreatening to her so she can trust you not to flip out on her. You also have to drop your spying on her. The first thing you should do is for the both of you change your passwords and not reveal them. There should be some privacy boundaries set in a relationship....wow did I just hear a gasp from everyone? Me and my guy don't share passwords nor do I check his phone or his emails, nor do I check his FB page. We respect each other's privacy and we TRUST each other.

Reality check" since your GF is not married or engaged to you, she is pretty much free game in the eyes of other guys....If she's fun and attractive, of course guys are going to hit on her and give her attention, but that doesn't mean SHE"S going to cheat on you. That doesn't make girls cheat.....being in a miserable relationship with a paranoid and controlling BF does.

[sadie_genie]

Her behavior seems pretty normal for a young women. You are really over-reacting. If you are more cool about it, she would not have to hide it from you.

[IncognitoSir]

Her behavior seems pretty normal for a young women. You are really over-reacting. If you are more cool about it, she would not have to hide it from you.

Normal......sure, maybe, but she hides it because she knows it's sketchy. It's the primary reason people hide things in general from their partner. The bottom line is you can't trust this chick. Yeah, this is hella sketchy but it's making YOU look bad because you're trying to counter the situation with control. She SHOULD know how to behave and interact with males but she clearly doesn't. Sadly, you can't fix this, she has to do that on her own. The only thing left to do is break it off, but be sure to explain to her why.