At uni and pregnant. Decided to keep it but bf has gone distant.

[MerryH]

So even if I have to drag him hes coming.

Would you rather have a supportive friend there with you, or would you rather have your dickhead boyfriend there who is really bitter about this and blames you for something that's not entirely your fault?

Also, I think you should think about this decision more because it sounds like you might be doing it mostly for him. I know it's a really difficult decision to make, but seriously, it only matters what YOU want to do about it. His opinion of what you should do should have no bearing on what you end up choosing. I think you should reschedule your appointment for a week or two from now (just make sure you won't be outside of the allowable time frame) and spend that time completely away from him and decide what you want to do. What would your decision be if he had totally abandoned you and disappeared when you first told him? I think that's an important question to ask yourself.

If you are only doing this to save your relationship and make him more comfortable, I think you might regret it later. With the way it's going now, it seems likely that your relationship won't survive this. It shouldn't survive this anyway, not because of anything you did, but because he acted like a selfish brat and treated you badly at a time when you really needed his support and kindness. For that alone, you'll probably have some resentment toward him, and rightly so.

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Good luck.

[Petit Papillon]

Your boyfriend isn't that young and is old enough to take careful of his own child

Eeeexactly. Anyway if he's grown up enough to have sex ( probably without contraception, I guess) , he's grown up enough to change diapers and prepare a bottle for a baby .

Yeah, they may both need to quit college and get low-paying entry level jobs. Assuming they also have student loan debt, this will be a rough start for a family. But if having the baby is really important, they will find a way to make it work.

This happened to my parents. My dad dropped out of college and got a job working in sales. My mom finished her degree and got some free help with daycare during that rough stretch, from my dad's parents.

what a bull ,seriously. There is so many people who become parents AND stay at the university . Seriously . My sister was studying chemistry engineering and had a friend with a baby . They were studying for exams with a baby on the side, really what's the problem ? It's lazy people who drop the school "just because they became parents" . I guess her bf is almost done with his school and will start to work soon so no one has to drop anything ,seriously . It's very hard this situation but if you care enough , you can make everything.

Wow. If he isn't ready to be a father, he won't be a good one if he is forced. If I were you, I would get an abortion.

Why? Cause it's too hard to be a single mother? I propose to get contraception BEFORE engaging in sexual intercourse. I'm taking pills since few years and never had an "accident" that caused me a pregnancy scare. Don't know how other girls do it, be on pill and get pregnant , hmm ...

Plus I don't know what is your Uni like , but at my university there is a parenting support group and I'm sure many possibilities to get help with taking care of the baby .

[hello1]

You know what, i think you should have the baby just to piss him off! now he knows your getting rid of it, he being horrible too you and putting ALL THE BLAME on you. I bet you, after you done this he will go on about it, he will blame you for the rest of his life. I don't think your relationship will last, he is not a keeper. At 26 he still not ready to man up, he never will be. Get rid of your idiot of a boyfriend

[hello1]

[QUOTE=MerryH;695815]
Also, I think you should think about this decision more because it sounds like you might be doing it mostly for him. I know it's a really difficult decision to make, but seriously, it only matters what YOU want to do about it. His opinion of what you should do should have no bearing on what you end up choosing.
[QUOTE]

I know her boyfriend a creep but he should have a say too, it is his baby. I don't think she should have the baby, she is very young and at uni. The boyfriend obviously a creep and will not be there and will resent the child. Sometimes these things are for the best.

[qwertz]

You know what, i think you should have the baby just to piss him off! now he knows your getting rid of it, he being horrible too you and putting ALL THE BLAME on you. I bet you, after you done this he will go on about it, he will blame you for the rest of his life. I don't think your relationship will last, he is not a keeper. At 26 he still not ready to man up, he never will be. Get rid of your idiot of a boyfriend

Yes, that would be a fantastic start to a childs life.

[sookie6]

when in a relationsip I always take the pill..never had an accident...my sisters never had an accident...my closed friends never had an accident...

I don't understand how you could be pregnant while taking the pill regurlarly? You need to adress this issue in your future sexual life or just abstain...anyway I don't mean to lecture you about contraception but yes you did something wrong if you got pregnant while using contraception...accidents? I don't believe in them. there was probably one lack of attention at some point that caused the pregnancy.

Your boyfriend is an asshole if he thinks going diving is more important than being there for you during abortion...

Anyway I don't care what others think but I, a grown up 35 year old woman, think you are making the right decision...as long as you see someone after the abortion...I mean someone to talk to, and who will assist you in any psychological issues this decision might raise within you...I believ you'll be all right...

The day you have children hopefullytheir two parents will be there at birth to welcome them into this world...this world is a scary place and you need to do some more growing up before becoming a strong parent.

Yes some women are single mothers, they are very brave and well done to them but this is not a life you should happily choose if it can be avoided.

Good luck to you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

[qwertz]

when in a relationsip I always take the pill..never had an accident...my sisters never had an accident...my closed friends never had an accident...

I don't understand how you could be pregnant while taking the pill regurlarly? You need to adress this issue in your future sexual life or just abstain...anyway I don't mean to lecture you about contraception but yes you did something wrong if you got pregnant while using contraception...accidents? I don't believe in them. there was probably one lack of attention at some point that caused the pregnancy.

Your boyfriend is an asshole if he thinks going diving is more important than being there for you during abortion...

Anyway I don't care what others think but I, a grown up 35 year old woman, think you are making the right decision...as long as you see someone after the abortion...I mean someone to talk to, and who will assist you in any psychological issues this decision might raise within you...I believ you'll be all right...

The day you have children hopefullytheir two parents will be there at birth to welcome them into this world...this world is a scary place and you need to do some more growing up before becoming a strong parent.

Yes some women are single mothers, they are very brave and well done to them but this is not a life you should happily choose if it can be avoided.

Good luck to you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

It does happen sookie, the pill is not 100%. But i think she admitetd earlier that she didnt take the pill properly.

OP, you should listen to sookies advice, with a bf like that, and your education to finish, you are making the right decision. You have plenty of time ahead to meet the right man and have a family when you are ready and your life is more stable. Children need stability and you cant offer that right now.

[sookie6]

It does happen sookie, the pill is not 100%. But i think she admitetd earlier that she didnt take the pill properly.

I've wondered about this at some point and did some research...some women could have a more fertile vagina and some men a higher sperm count...so I'm happy to agree that accidents can happen even when contraception is taken care of...but careless behaviour explain many accidents...and also the inability for younger women in love to be more assertive when not prepared before intercourse...young men and their 'in the heat of the moment' moves...I won't even go there.

I'm hoping that a lot of young members on the forum will ponder on this thread and learn something from it.

[Petit Papillon]

We have a lot of girls here coming to LF that had this "accident" . We have some fertile women in hereeee

I still don't believe in accidents . A pill should be taken regularly, everyday at the same hour, if a condom is not used, a guy shouldn't end up inside , of course there is a risk of getting pregnant from pre-ejaculate ,but the risk is veeeery small while being on birth control .

EDIT: Sorry I've just read that a research made by David Resnick from University of Cambridge and New York Presbyterian Hospital confirmed that pre-ejaculate cannot cause pregnancy . Research was made in 2007. Ok so ... That's about the accidents here

[qwertz]

We have a lot of girls here coming to LF that had this "accident" . We have some fertile women in hereeee

I still don't believe in accidents . A pill should be taken regularly, everyday at the same hour, if a condom is not used, a guy shouldn't end up inside , of course there is a risk of getting pregnant from pre-ejaculate ,but the risk is veeeery small while being on birth control .

My son is the result of an "accident". Every day, on the hour like clockwork. Like i said, the pill is not 100% occasionally pregnancies do occur, like mine. I guess i must be super fertile seeing as two of the blighters got through!!!

[Petit Papillon]

Yes it happens . It's possible that there were things that made your pill work less. Some medications for example ,like antibiotics . Dunno , but it is so rare, really rare ... I really don't know anyone who had such an accident , but girls who were taking pills not regular .

[hello1]

Yes, that would be a fantastic start to a childs life.

I was joking.

[Charlie Boy II]

this thread made me very glad I always use condoms

[VincenzoG91]

The difference between an adult and a child is taking responsibility. An adult takes responsibility for his or her actions and doesn't run away or blame other people.

OP, your boyfriend is a child. Don't have sex with him anymore. Hell, don't even talk to the jerk anymore.

[sadie_genie]

Why? Cause it's too hard to be a single mother? I propose to get contraception BEFORE engaging in sexual intercourse. I'm taking pills since few years and never had an "accident" that caused me a pregnancy scare. Don't know how other girls do it, be on pill and get pregnant , hmm ...

Plus I don't know what is your Uni like , but at my university there is a parenting support group and I'm sure many possibilities to get help with taking care of the baby .

There is no doubt, she should have taken her pills regularly. But the problem at hand now is what to do now that she is pregnant.

I think we have a support group at my university too; many do. But taking care of a baby takes a lot of time and it is exhausting with school. I have no kids but I barely even have enough time to have a social life while I have full time school. If I want to see my friends, I would have to study with them (fusing school with time with friends). I don't know how competitive her school is but I am sure it would be hard to manage kids and school at the same time even with the availability of daycare. For example, the baby would be crying in the middle of the night and you just want to study or have a good night sleep for tomorrow's exam. It is very hard to do both.