At uni and pregnant. Decided to keep it but bf has gone distant.

[lostnconfused22]

I am only 21 and at Uni Bf still has a year or so to go till he finishes. He is 26 and has done a fair bit of travelling when he was younger. I have just found out im pregnant and wasnt sure whether to keep it but decided to. I thought It wouldnt be easy but possible. Bf has told me he doesnt want kids... not yet anyways. He is studying. He hasnt really said much about it. He told me he would not run off and that he would support me and once hes finished uni we would be laughing. He is going to become a geologist in the mines. I went to the doctors yesterday for the first time to book in blood tests etc. When I got to his place afterwards he asked me how I went. I offered to show him the papers the doctor gave me but he wasnt really interested. We cuddled losts and talked about lots of other things but not the baby. Im wondering why he is being distant in this way. I dont want him to feel like I am pressuring him into this. I know he would probably prefer getting an abortion. Thanks for your time. Im still so uncertain whether I have made the right decision. I know this was a little bit ealry. I dont want him to feel like I am pressuring him into this. But he hasnt gotten mad or anything just shown his concern for money which is understandable. I would rather keep the baby then give it up for adoption.

Thanks for reading.

[Pakistani]

dont get abortion and kill a child for your own mistakes, i suggest give birth and raise him if you are a human, because other wise i would have no respect for a person like you, sorry to be blunt

[lostnconfused22]

DW Im the same. Its a part of me that we both created. We are both just worried because even though in our twenties feel so young and still in a part of our lives where we are still trying to figure ourselves out. I still think its possible. Where there is a will there is a way. I am just wondering why he hasnt really felt like talking about it. Maybe he needs time for it to sink in. Or maybe when we go and see the ultra sound in the twelth week it will make him feel a bit better about it. I dont know.

[Pakistani]

^ you're not young, its not like your 12, your an adult and can easily takecare of yourself, there are probably thousands of people who are in a much worse position then you, so yes please do the right thing

[MerryH]

^ you're not young, its not like your 12, your an adult and can easily takecare of yourself, there are probably thousands of people who are in a much worse position then you, so yes please do the right thing

Dude, shut up. That's not what she's asking about. She doesn't need your help making this decision.

OP, it's probably still sinking in for him. He said he would support you, so don't worry yet. Just give him some time.

[Looq]

Yeah, what MerryH said, ignore the idiots above.

He's probably just in shock. He hasn't run off, and he would have if he was going to. Keep giving him opportunities to be involved ("will you come with me to the doctors", "do you want to seem my test results" etc.). He'll come round, don't worry. Also remember to go out with him and have some fun (while you still have the chance).

[hello1]

Your boyfriend isn't that young and is old enough to take careful of his own child

[VincenzoG91]

Your boyfriend isn't that young and is old enough to take careful of his own child

Yeah, they may both need to quit college and get low-paying entry level jobs. Assuming they also have student loan debt, this will be a rough start for a family. But if having the baby is really important, they will find a way to make it work.

This happened to my parents. My dad dropped out of college and got a job working in sales. My mom finished her degree and got some free help with daycare during that rough stretch, from my dad's parents.

[lostnconfused22]

Thank you for all your opinions. I would not be due till the end of ths year which would mean I could complete this year at uni. He would just have next year left. I think he is so scared that If we have this kid he is not going to be able to finish his last year at uni. That is not the case. I would do all I could to make sure he finishes. I tried speaking to him last night but didnt get very far. He just said if I had been taking the pill properly we wouldnt be in this situation and that he didnt know. It is his 50% so he deserves to have some say in the decision. I have given him the option to say whether he wants to abort it or not but he just says he doesnt know. He kept trying to watch the tv and wouldnt look me in the eye. We didnt get very far. I feel so bad. I dont want him to feel that I am pressuring him into keeping this. Although that is my preferred decision.

[lostnconfused22]

He has told me he is not ready to have kids. We dont have any money at the moment and that he wants a career first. He doesnt want to have to come home n look after a kid once hes got a job. He wants to travel first.

[sadie_genie]

Wow. If he isn't ready to be a father, he won't be a good one if he is forced. If I were you, I would get an abortion.

[VincenzoG91]

Wow. If he isn't ready to be a father, he won't be a good one if he is forced. If I were you, I would get an abortion.

Or consider carrying to term and then giving the child up for adoption. You will be graduating into a very tough labor market, and being a single mother on top of that will be very challenging. And dating isn't easy for a single mother, especially with a baby. Maybe you could move back in with your parents, though that won't be a party, either.

[warriormaiden]

I just wanted to say, we shouldn't pressure our own beliefs of the subject on to her. (as in, to get an abortion or not) because with each case, it varies, and the situation isn't the same for all. So saying to get an abortion, saying raise it on your own, is a bit like pressure, and......she already has enough on her plate as it is. She needs a clear mind to realize what the best thing to do for HERSELF.

If you REALLY want to keep this baby, then you must realize what you're sacrificing and what hardships you're going to have to endure. He sounds like he has already made up his mind about the baby. If you do decide to keep the baby, you will be on your own, receiving no help from him. I just want you to be prepared if you DO decide to make that choice. There's a lot of preparation, and struggling. It will be a battle every step of the way.
But don't worry though, if you choose that. Alot of single mothers have raised capable, intelligent proper specimens of human beings on their own, and do not regret their choices. I'm sure you are capable to do the same as well.

[lostnconfused22]

He has told me he is worried about money and that he wants his freedom. And that he wont be able to do his hobbies like fishing etc. I am pro choice so getting an abortion wouldnt be something that would leave me balling my eyes out or anything. I think it would probably be a kind of relief. I think if i did keep it he would definately be there and be supportive but I dont feel his heart would be in it. I dont want to pressure him into something hes not ready for. If he was happy to keep it I think I would be alot more happier about keeping it.

[VincenzoG91]

Whatever you decide, you may also want to re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. He seems cowardly and irresponsible.