Dealing with 2 boyfriends

[dewy]

Hi
My situation is little bit messy
In my college time I had a best friend who use to love me a lot everyone in College knew that but he never forced me to get into relationship with him. He was very caring we even tested sex with each other. Eventually I committed to him. He is a nice boy madly in love with me but little bit orthodox and possessive. After college we both took job at different places. Everything was fine but the same possessiveness grew more. We often started fighting .
After few months I changed my job and over there I met this guy who became very friend of mine. After meeting him I realized what exactly love is I use to feel exactly in the same way for him like my ex bf used to feel for me. We both committed to each other. Over here the problem started my ex bf came to know about this and he started abusing me. He is a nice guy so I never felt like abusing back as I ditched him. Now this ex bf is blackmailing me about some pics that he says will post to my parents and facebook. He wants me back I have even tried but loving him again is impossible for me. He is talks nicely but sometimes get very abusive. Now in this whole drama my new bf is very supportive and advices me that I should tell to my parents before he says any thing but my parents are very orthodox and if they come to know that I'm not virgin they will kill me.
I don't have any solution to this problem. If anyone has any advice please do reply

[Petit Papillon]

Yyy go to the police? Blackmailing is illegal as far as I know.

[VincenzoG91]

Just cut off all contact with the ex. If he posts the pictures, so what? Do you think that you will be shunned by society and required to wear a scarlet letter on your clothes? Nobody cares anymore. I'm sure these photos are tame compared to Girls Gone Wild.

[devonbrown]

Rule #1 when dealing with an abusive person - Stop pandering to the abusive person. If he wants to send pictures to your parents and everyone, he will do that no matter what. And he will hold that over your head forever if you let him.
If you are concerned about your parents knowing you are not a virgin any more, you might want to sit down and talk to them about it before the ex does anything. Orthodox or not, they are your parents, and the news is better coming from you than from an abusive ex-bf.

Good luck.

[dewy]

Hey the problem is something else. He calls me up everyday and talks to me very nicely the way we use to. He is still my best friend. I'm still confused whether my feelings for him is just friendship or more than that. I also take care of him and some time when I feel I need a support or a person to share my sorrows he is the one whom I call. My present bf hates him and also get annoyed with me.
You may feel that I'm stupid or something but it has happened to me that if I'm in trouble I just use to call him up and suddenly that problem vanishes. Few days back I left my job and was looking for new job I waited for whole 2 months but dint got any satisfactory offer but suddenly he called me one day and other day I got the interview call. Sometimes it feel to me that if God wants me to be with him.
May be I'm talking rubbish but it is true it happened like this to me for past 4 years.

[dewy]

He is not abusive all the time but only when he get to know that I'm in touch with my present bf.

[luvbugg88]

Just tell ur family they won't kill u they will get over it n just stop talking to ur ex completely cuz if he loved u he wouldnt put his hands on u or blackmail u to be with him. Trust all will be good if u come out clean to ur family. N u can start fresh in ur life and love life...

[Bonfire]

but my parents are very orthodox and if they come to know that I'm not virgin they will kill me.

I am most certain your parents already knows you are not a virgin. College+Boyfriend= SEX. They will have to be one of the most clueless parents if they think their adult daughter is still a virgin. So you don't have to worry about that. Even though they don't want to hear it, they already know. I'm sure they will love you anyways.

About your situation, your ex threaten you with exposing sexual pictures and you are still bestfriends with him? I don't get you.

[dewy]

I am most certain your parents already knows you are not a virgin. College+Boyfriend= SEX. They will have to be one of the most clueless parents if they think their adult daughter is still a virgin. So you don't have to worry about that. Even though they don't want to hear it, they already know. I'm sure they will love you anyways.

About your situation, your ex threaten you with exposing sexual pictures and you are still bestfriends with him? I don't get you.

He says he'll post the pics but has not done yet. He cries every time that I'm doing all this to just get you back. He says that he is ready to change for me. He says that I cared for you just like my own baby that how could you love someone else. I also believe that he has helped me at very rough time of my life and so I feel guilty deep inside me. My new bf believes that just because of my guilt I'm listening to all shit that his friends and he is saying to me. I too believe that it is true.
My father is Indian and so I have been also brought up in Indian values. I know for some of you it may be just bull shit but hurting some one is not possible for me.

[hello1]

Are you posting this from poland?

[Petit Papillon]

Are you posting this from poland?

I'm having a polish flag , she/he either from Monaco or Indonesia .................. They have the same flag , polish one is otherwise .

[hello1]

I'm having a polish flag , she/he either from Monaco or Indonesia .................. They have the same flag , polish one is otherwise .

Oh that is intresting, flags very similar.

[steviej]

Strange how simple things appear when you're not involved with the situation.

Speak to your ex. Tell him it's over, that you love your new boyfriend and he needs to accept that, be happy for you and move on. If he is a friend he'll delete the pics. If he doesn't then tell him the friendship is over and you will never see or speak to him again.

I think you're being disrespectful to your new boyfriend by continuing this weird arrangement with your ex. You need to put a stop to it now.

[JadenMia]

You are not friends with him. A friend would not blackmail you! You sound like me, feeling sorry for him isnt going to help either of you.. and you dont need to feel guilty with what you want to do in your life. If you have met someone else, its no big deal. He needs to accept it and move on. Thats HIS problem not yours.. The only thing you should feel guilty about is still talking to him.
Dont feel bad, he doesnt love you, he is trying to control you by blackmailing you. That is definitely controlling behaviour, you are not doing what he wants so he is going to tantrum and try make you do things and make you speak to him by threatening you. What kind of a best friend is that?

Just cut him out of your life, block his number and never speak to him again. If he posts the pics.. Big deal. Lesson learned.. Dont take pics for your boyfriend it always turns out nasty.

[VincenzoG91]

Something very similar to this happened to me. My recent ex-girlfriend was involved with a guy for a while and then broke up with him. Only he didn't want to break up, and he apparently had pictures for blackmail and had friended a lot of her friends and family on facebook. She got back together with me anyway, with me not knowing about any of this, and we even lived together for 3 years after that. When I proposed to her last year, she panicked and broke up with me, and moved in with the blackmailer, feeling like she had no choice. But she missed me and start dating me again soon. Last January, the blackmailer showed up on my doorstep and claimed to be her fiance, to drive me away. I decided to forgive her after hearing about the blackmail, though it blew my mind that she would let that stupid situation continue for years like that. Ultimately, I had to break up with her anyway, because she wanted me to wait for several months while she tried some complex and ridiculous plan to leave him. We still talk from time to time, but I have no interest in staying involved with her crazy situation.

Anyway, I'm telling you this because I want you to understand that you could waste years of your life on this blackmail situation if you don't deal with it now. Cut this loser out of your life and just laugh at anybody who tries to shame you for these pictures. Lay some groundwork early by telling everybody that this guy is really good with PhotoShop and likes to make fake pictures and post them online. That way, when the real pictures show up, nobody will believe them.