Ended A Nearly 3 Year Relationship

[JesterChild1994]

hi...i know there's probably a bunch of other threads on here about breaking up and my heart truely does out to anyone here who is going through a tough breakup...i just really need to vent and let out my emotions...
i just ended a 3 year relationship 3 days ago...i'm deeply in pain from it, but i feel like it was best for both of us..it's just moving on is what's hard to do. words cannot describe the pain im in right now. i just feel so crippled and literally the definition of broken.

in the beginning, the relationship started off wonderful. i really thought he would be the one and something inside of me still tells me that he is. we went through alot together....literaly alot. i loved him with everything in me and i thought we really would be together forever. he really was my everything, but we just had so many problems as time went on.

i cried almost everyday, he was dealing with other personal issues and it changed who he was.we both changed. i tried being there for him, but it just felt like he took everything out on me. i thought i cried too much, so eventually i kept track of how much i cried....and it was usually everyday or almost everyday. sometimes 2x a day, maybe even 4. i broke up with him so many times in the past, but i never had the strength to actually go through with it. i just couldn't let go of him. it seemed like for the last year, we just really hurt each other.

so 3 days ago, i wasn't happy. after i had gotten off the phone with him, i just started crying out of nowhere because i felt like we both weren't happy in the relationship and i felt like i couldn't make him happy anymore. it just crushed me. i didn't want to break up with him, but i did want him to be happy, so i did it. now i just feel like he resents me.

he tells me that he gave up alot for me, but i gave up alot for him too...i just feel like he doesn't see it. and now it feels like he's already shoving another girl in my face. i just want to move on and try to not look at him as a boyfriend. i just wish i was myself again...
i'm sorry for the long post...i just really really need all the support i can get...i feel like im just trapped. i willl do anything to move on....i'm so broken
i thank anyone who reads all of this...it truely means alot to me...it really does

[DarkHelmet82]

sounds like hes trying to make you jealous... I dont understand why you would end it if you still have feelings for him?

Doesnt anyone talk anymore?

[JesterChild1994]

i ended it because i just felt like i couldnt make him happy anymore....and we were both just have alot of arguements...i wanted to be with him, but the relationship was just bad.....ive tried talking to him and thats when he started shoving some other girl in my face...and he doesn't understand why it would hurt me...i've asked him kindly to stop and we almost got into an arguement over that because he just started to get loud.
we've tried talking out our problems, but they would just come back later on in the future.

[Lifetime]

God, that sounds just like my last relationship, only you were with your ex a lot longer than I was. My heart definitely goes out to you, I know the hurt I'm going through is terrible, so being in your relationship 2 years longer than I was probably makes it even worse. I have no advice, at least not any that you probably haven't heard a thousand times before. Hope everything works out for you, and know you're not alone in your pain.

[JesterChild1994]

now that i've found this forum, i dont feel like im alone....and yes it does hurt...so so so so so very much...

[steviej]

I've been there, where although the relationship has turned sour you just don't want to let go.

What you will find out very soon is you'll get a feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off your chest.

You'll realise you have freedom, you no longer have to report on what you've been doing, who with, what time you're back. You can go anywhere with anyone you want and not have to answer to anyone. Those pointless, stupid arguments that escalate out of nothing are over!
Start seeing your friends and having fun. Yes, you'll miss him, but you'll realise it's only because you are so used to having him around for the last 3 years.
Look upon this as a fresh new start. This is the perfect time to break old routines that were timewasting. When I split with my ex of 2.5yrs I found I had a lot more free time - it was great! Started up mma training and went climbing more often, saw more of my friends and enjoyed my new found freedom.
Some days will be better than others, but every minute gone gets you closer to being past this.

[Theegz]

Wow I'm in the same situation but I have been with my boyfriend for 8 yrs and we went through alot together. My heart goes out to you. I'm trapped to because I want to leave him but I can't, the relationship is boring and bad t think neither of us r happy we r just together because its been 8 yrs. To make it worse I think I'm in love with my bestfriend his everything I've ever wanted. I hate the situation I am in I'm not this type of person. But remember if you let true love go, it always comes back. Don't look at the quality of yrs u were with him. Look at the quality of the relationship. Xx.

[Theegz]

*quantity of years

[Cerby]

Here is some advice I've used in the past, and am using right now to get over a short-term relationship that meant far more than it should have. Once you're out and thinking about how lonely you are, start to think about how you'd feel RIGHT NOW if you were still in it.

October 2009 when my 3 year relationship ended because we both realized there was no future to build on. . .I was decimated, but I continued to compare the prospect of moving on and finding someone else opposed to staying in a doomed relationship. Given its been a year and a half and I've only had short term failures, but I still know it was the right decision to leave that relationship.

Or last week I know that I wasn't really happy where I was with my most recent ex, even though it was only a few months in, things weren't working. I cared about her a great deal but if we stayed together, it would have inevitably ended later down the road for the same reasons it ended right now.

Does it make me feel 100% better? crap no, I still miss her like crazy, but its only been a couple of weeks. But when I think from this perspective and realize it wasn't going to work, I at least feel better for the moment.

We're all in this together.

[girl68]

It just takes time, a lot of time. Hearts heal.

[JesterChild1994]

thanks everyone for ur replies...it really does help to knw im not the only one going through this. but now i knw he resents me...i think, well he's just being kinda blunt about about. he just says "it's over, we're through, get over it". he said we might work out in the future, but right now, we both just need some space. i just dont want there to be any false hope.

[DarkHelmet82]

well when he says "it might work out in the future." that IS false hope... you need to move on.

[JesterChild1994]

im trying my very hardest...but it is just so so so so so so very hard...i just keep picturing him with someone else...and its just so hard and i just really need someone to talk to...i just need help. i want to move on from him so bad...i knw this was the best thing to do, but now i just need to take the next step

[DarkHelmet82]

Believe me I know its hard.. but its hard because you are not living in the present. You are still concentrating on the past and you cannot change the past. You cant let your mind control you.. dont be a slave to it.

[JesterChild1994]

im not even sure if i knw how to live in the present.....should i completely stop talking to him