Love of my life

[Claire84]

My boyfriend split with me over a week ago as he has waited a 5 years for me to lose my virginity but I did not. He was patient but I was scared to do it. I have realised now I need to see a counsellor (I had something happen in childhood he does not know about) and this is affecting me now. He has gone abroad for a week so I cannot contact him, I rang him when I found out he was going but he gave me mixed signals saying he cares and wishes it had worked out and loves me very much but that's it and I should move on. But he then says he needs to clear his head which is why he is going away.

I don't know why he is going abroad to think if he has made his mind up. I said I know I can't tell him what to do but don't want him to sleep with anyone. He said he won't sleep with anyone but I can't tell him what to do. Friends said he is posting on Facebook for a reaction its like he is trying to make out he is having lots of fun.

I don't know what to do as I am ashamed of my past but I need him to know as he is the one, please help.

[smackie9]

We can't really do anything for you, but you are doing yourself a huge favor by seeing a therapist. You can't really have a clear head on your situation until you work through your past problem.

[Rabbitt]

Can I ask what happened in your past? if not than thats okay. ,,


I think you just should wait it out till he gets back and just talk. he has to respect your body if you dont want to do it then its your decision he should not convince you, but if you are sure that he is the guy you want to give it to then go for it.
remembers its about enjoying the moment, not thinking the next day what someone else will say.


btw if he waited 5 years to have sex with you (and in those 5 years he didnt do anything with someone else) than he's one tough and patient bastard. respect for that.

[Claire84]

When I was 9, this boy who was 10 did things but not all the way. I just felt so guilty but it wasn't my fault as I was not aware of what I doing and did not initiate it. I just wish I had told him earlier as he did ask if I had something happen a while ago but I said no as I thought I could handle it. I know, he was faithful and I really want him. I have to wait till next Monday to talk though.

[Rabbitt]

Lots of stuff like that happen to girls in the time we live now, hell it even happened before our time, I know a girl who lost her virginity at the age of 11 to the father of her best friend imagine that? Guess what ? I dated her and she told me because well I was there for her, i also waited 5 years to have sex with HER but in the meanwhile i had different girls because had different guys. but each time I thought of her.

When I look 10 years into the future i see myself having kids with her


Basicly what im trying to say, if you trust him and only if you really do, you could tell him. and he will understand if he's a great guy and will respect you for it. but if you feel he isnt ready for such stuff then obviously dont tell him untill he is. you dont want him to tell others about it right?

Just sit down with him and well open up a bit and explain why you cant or couldnt have sex.


also for your sake and your feelings, It wasnt your fault it happened, and you should never think otherwise , dont feel bad about it.. because doing so will hurt you and him.

[98db]

My Ex was abused too. She told me, but I had never dealt with that before and I kind of assumed it was over and done with since it was so long ago. Even though she mentioned it, I did not get the message that I was supposed to act or treat her differently. It ended being a problem because I made a lot of those negative feelings come back for her.

You should ask your therapist about how you need to communicate this to him.

[Bonfire]

When I studied this in psychology, people who has been through some form of sexual abuse as a child has two main patterns of behavior. They are either afraid of sex or they go crazy with it and sleep around, plenty of them end up in the porn industry or strip clubs, you know the story. So I'm glad Claire84 that you were one of the lucky ones who did not have the other pattern of behavior. And I am glad that you are aware of this problem and willing to go to therapy to help resolve it. You'll overcome it because you are aware of it and you are willing to face it. I have to say that I admire your boyfriend who waited 5 years for you. WOW, I mean his will is stronger than superman. I don't know any guy could wait that long. Really, he is one exceptional guy. I do think you should tell him the reason why you withheld sex. That way he'll understand you better and can help you work on overcoming it. I do hope he comes back for you, he's waited so long, it would be tragic if he couldn't wait a little longer, right Claire?

[vashti]

For the purpose of clarity, a ten year old fooling around with a nine year old isn't considered abuse (unless it was literally forced)... it's experimental.

[devonbrown]

If it is bothering you that much, seeing a therapist about it would be a great thing. If you feel comfortable telling your ex about it now, then talk to him about it. I am not convinced that he broke up with you after 5 years because of no sex. I think there are other factors with his breaking up with you. For example, I think he got this opportunity to go abroad and wanted to be free to do things if the chances came up. That is, he didn't want to cheat on you, so he thought it would be best for him to be single when he was away.
When he gets back and you talk to him, just be open and honest with him. That is the best advice I can offer.

Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

While I think your issue is extremely trivial, it's a big one to you, so you need to deal with it. Don't hold this guy emotionally hostage like you have been this whole time, while you deal with it. He's probably very frustrated and his self esteem is probably suffering. You should leave him alone and let him contact you.

[Claire84]

I accidently deleted him on Facebook then half hour later a girl adds him and puts she is in a relationship with him. I rang him and he was shocked about my past, I didn't go into detail but he said its too late and I should of trusted him and told him then. He said his new girlfriend was upset she saw our messages from before on Facebook and he wants to see how it goes with her. He told me don't get my hopes up, he will see how it goes with her but he still doesn't know what he wants and needs to clear his head. He said he won't sleep with her as he likes to wait when in a relationship. He thinks that he isn't sure if I am lying, but I don't see why I would lie about abuse. He said the day he gets back we can meet up and chat.

[devonbrown]

There's your answer. This guy was not all what he appeared to be. He had a new girlfriend waiting in the wings. And as soon as he let you go, he jumped into a relationship with her. I know it sucks and I am sure it hurts, but I would just take this as an opportunity to learn from and help you in future relationships.

You seem like you have a good heart, so I do hope someone worthy of you comes along soon.