Anger management

[Sonrisa]

Anger is probably my biggest sin. please share any advice you might have on how to control yourself.

"Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object, feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm him in some way, probably by criticizing or disparaging him.

Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist. Moreover, as we shall see, anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever. Having understood the nature and disadvantages of anger, we then need to watch our mind carefully at all times in order to recognize it whenever it begins to arise."

[Sonrisa]

"One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us, we expose ourself to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights, we are prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships, and even the well-being of our family and children. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice, driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. "

[Sonrisa]

It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others, this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control, difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace, and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy.

[Sonrisa]

Anger is a response to feelings of unhappiness, which in turn arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances. Whenever we are prevented from fulfilling our wishes, or forced into a situation we dislike – in short, whenever we have to put up with something we would rather avoid – our uncontrolled mind reacts by immediately feeling unhappy. This uncomfortable feeling can easily turn into anger, and we become even more disturbed than before.

The other main reason we become unhappy and angry is because we are faced with a situation we do not want or like. Every day we encounter hundreds of situations we do not like, from stubbing our toe or having a disagreement with our partner, to discovering that our house has burnt down or that we have cancer; and our normal reaction to all of these occurrences is to become unhappy and angry. However, try as we might, we cannot prevent unpleasant things happening to us. We cannot promise that for the rest of the day nothing bad will happen to us; we cannot even promise that we shall be alive to see the end of the day.

[VincenzoG91]

I took an anger management class several years ago, and it was a very positive experience that improved my life. My girlfriend and I had a couple of huge arguments regarding her suspicious behavior (and it turned out that she eventually did cheat on me, though possibly not at that early stage) and during the second argument, I called her the c-word.

I went into the class resentfully, literally thinking "this is b-s." They're going to tell me that anger is bad and wrong and stupid, when I know perfectly well that anger is the right response to some situations. For example, if some drunk driver smashes into your parked car, that is not an occasion for calm reflection or happiness or some other random emotion.

During the first five minutes of the first class, the instructors explained that anger is a legitimate response to some situations. However, that anger must be managed properly or there will be problems. They won me over with that, immediately. I threw myself into the reading, the homework and the class discussions and learned a lot. I learned what kinds of situations tend to make me angry, and I learned strategies to avoid those situations or to cope with them when unavoidable. I also learned to stop obsessing over negative thoughts, and to try to look for positive aspects to difficult situations.

I'm not perfect. I still occasionally face bad situations that are frustrating or unpleasant and become angry. But I'm better at managing my anger and avoiding regrettable outbursts. This class really helped me at my current job, where I have now outlasted the first two CEOs. The first CEO was the founder of the company and had a very aggressive personality. She often threatened to fire me over minor things, though she always apologized later. The second CEO was really nice to me for the first several months, but then misunderstood some advice I gave him at one point, and sent me home early with a threat that he would fire me. I survived both of these tough bosses by keeping my mouth shut instead of losing my temper. The third CEO is a very reasonable guy, and we work together just fine, but I would have never even met him if I hadn't taken that anger management class. The cheating girlfriend is gone, but I still appreciate that she got me to take that class.

[Sonrisa]

When it comes to work I've learned to keep my mouth shut no matter how much offense I take, and we take a lot of shit coming at us here since we deal with attorneys and those peeps are completely psycho. I rarely raise my voice at them even though it does happen occasionally.

[Sonrisa]

"Anger is particularly destructive in relationships. When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things frequently clash. Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person’s shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become critical and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. Unless we make a continuous effort to deal with this anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. A couple may genuinely love one another, but if they frequently get angry with each other the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. "

[Sonrisa]

In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day, so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. We clear away the dishes after every meal rather than waiting until the end of the month, because we do not want to live in a dirty house nor be faced with a huge, unpleasant job. In the same way, we need to make the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears, for if we allow it to accumulate it will become more and more difficult to deal with, and will endanger our relationship. We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. A relationship in which there is a lot of friction and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and self-grasping, which are the real sources of all our problems.

[Sonrisa]

"It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person, but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our imagined foe. Someone controlled by their anger lives within a paranoid view of the world, surrounded by enemies of his or her own creation. The false belief that everyone hates him can become so overwhelming that he might even go insane, the victim of his own delusion."

[Sonrisa]

"In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are – in which case it is patient acceptance, rather than attempting to change externals, that is the solution. For example, many of our relationship problems arise because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be, but to accept him fully as he is. There are many levels of acceptance. Perhaps we already try to tolerate our partner’s idiosyncrasies, refrain from criticizing him or her, and go along with his wishes most of the time; but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging him? Are we completely free from resentment and blaming? Is there not still a subtle thought that he ought to be different from the way he is? True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts."

[VincenzoG91]

Just remember, if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him.

[Sonrisa]

i couldn't kill a fly.

[DoesntMatter]

Masturbate / have sex more

[Sonrisa]

Masturbate / have sex more

tried and that don't help

[DoesntMatter]

Then do what Vincenzo said and join an anger management group