I am pretty sure I am falling in love with another woman, BUT I'M MARRIED!

[antennaman]

Hello all, I am new to this forum and have spent a little time looking around. After reading lots of threads pertaining to falling in love I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, falling in love with a woman! I am not going to lie, it feels GREAT, but there are a couple problems. First of all, I am Married! I am 27 years old and have been married for nearly 9 years to my first love. We met back in college and have been through alot of ups and downs. Right now she is living in a homeless shelter because the state has issued a no contact order between us. She has a history of being both physically and mentally abusive towards me and the police were tired of getting called out to our place (by her, mostly). She goes to court this week and the judge may lift the no contact order. My wife has major mental problems stemming form a childhood of sexual abuse. She has never received therapy or counseling. She has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar/Manic Depression and takes a multitude of medications. We have a four year old son that lives with us and he has witnessed her violent outbursts. I have been there for her all of these years and I just don't know that I can handle it anymore.

The other problem is that this woman I am falling for is also in a relationship, but not married. They have one son together and have been together for three years. Her and I have become very close over the past few weeks and are really great friends. On one occasion she revealed to me that she does have feelings that she cannot explain for me. I told her then that I could feel it as well, but we both agreed that it was not an option. However there is this flirtatious exchange we have almost constantly. I feel this magnetic like attraction to her and it is exhilarating! When she wakes up she texts me good morning, she makes breakfast for me and my son and I make dinner for her and her son. We spend at least 6 hours per day together (with our kids, of course) and have been taking these little day trips to scenic and historic areas fairly regularly. We have so many shared interests that I can not even count them. When I am with her I am so happy i feel high. When we are apart i can only think about our next rendezvous, and am smiling the whole time. I dream of her when I sleep, and every time I think of her I feel my heart begin to race!

She is not very happy with her relationship now either. Her boyfriend is similar to my wife. They both lash out with violence, and are abusive. She does not want to leave him because she really has nowhere else to go.

I guess my question is: Should I just profess my feelings and see where that takes me or should I just suck it up and stay friends?

[MerryH]

Getting involved with her while you're in the middle of a shitstorm with your wife would be unfair to everyone involved. You should wait until your divorce is final before pursuing anything.

[neelym2011]

I think that you should do whatever your heart tells you to do. You dont deserve to go through that with your wife and she doesnt deserve to go through that with her boyfriend. You should talk to her about how you feel and see how she feels and take it from there but if you want to be with this other woman then you should divorce your wife but be sure this is something you really want.

[antennaman]

I know that I will most definitely end it with my wife if I choose to move on. I have not yet decided whether or not I am going to leave my wife. If she gets the treatment she needs and makes a change then I could see myself being with her for the rest of my life, but she needs that help. Part of me hopes that they do extend this no contact order so I can figure myself out. I am just so tired of the constant struggle, but she is sick. Would I leave her if she were to become paralyzed? Not because she was paralyzed, if she were abusive maybe. The problem is that the abuse is directly related to her mental illness, making it very difficult to just leave her. But her behavior is effecting our son. He was in the car with us when she grabbed the steering wheel (from the passenger seat) and jerked it out of my grasp, twice! He is in danger, not just me. It is pretty clear what must be done. If she gets help and changes, maybe it could work.


Now lets call my wife "A", and the the other woman "N". A and N met in the neighborhood laundromat a few months ago. They both became friends. A gave N lots of clothes that she could not fit into anymore, as well as some clothes for her son. She also gave her lots of extra kitchenware and furniture we were no longer using. Shortly after they met, I met "P", her boyfriend. He is seemingly a nice guy. A bit quiet, but polite. He and I both play video games so we started hanging out. He works alot so we generally game at night. While we game, A and N would hang out together, it seemed like a normal friendship. After about a month of being friends with them I begin to talk with N more and discover that we have a lot in common. We like the same music and food. She likes going on scenic daytrips just like me. We both love love nature, and camping. The list is endless, so we became good friends. She can relate to me and I her. We tell each other things we don't tell anyone else. We talk about anything without any hesitation. She was very quickly becoming my best friend, and I did not even notice it. Then one day A , N, the boys and I all went to to the store. The boys were asleep and A had to get something from the store, so N and I waited in the car. We had a very interesting conversation. She said that she had been developing feelings for me, but knew that it would not go anywhere. She said that she thought I was very attractive, smart and really nice. I told her that I had also felt something between us and that I thought it was just me. We talked about it for a few minutes, and then that was it, we did not discuss it anymore. Since then I have developed very strong feelings for her. It is hard for me to maintain eye contact, but when we do, I have to fight this extreme urge to reach out and hold her. When she calls my heart begins to race. I look forward to the next time we meet , thinking of her constantly until then. If she happens to brush by me, the slightest physical contact nearly causes me knees to give way. I Am I going Mad? This is pretty extreme!

Now I want to make it clear that there has been no inappropriate behavior between us. We spend a lot of time together, we help each other with the kids, we take turns making dinner, we go for walks, we take the kids to the park, but all of this is totally appropriate. My wife and I finished making love one night two weeks ago and we were still laying in bed trying to recover when she turns to me and says, "I have a little secret for to tell you, I had to think about N to get off that time" (sorry if it is too graphic, I am just trying to cover all the bases) I was a little shocked at first, but had to ask for more details. It turns out that she has a crush on N, and often fantasized about her. I was astonished, although not surprised. N is young, beautiful and, well, amazing, and my wife is Bi-Sexual, but nothing ever happens between them. A week later my wife accuses me of cheating on her with N. Then she starts causing a big scene, slashes my tires, cuts through power cables, and gets arrested. That brings us to a week ago. I have not seen her since, but have spoken with her often. She wants to get help and come back. What is blows my mind is that I did not cheat on her, but she cheated on me twice in February. I think she was expecting me to return the favor so to speak.

Neely, I took your advice and just before posting this I went and spoke to N. I told her that I had been very confused about these feelings and that I have been trying to build up the courage to talk to her about it. She did recognize that there is something between us, some sort of connection exists there, but is also confused. I told her that I was not trying to get her to leave her boyfriend, or to have an affair. I really enjoy our friendship and do not want to jeopardize that, but I also need to explore these emotions. She was very attentive, as usual. She understood, but did not give me an indication as to where she stood, even though that is not what I was there for. She needed to know that I am falling in love with her, and that it is something I myself do not fully understand. I wrote her a short poem (a bit cliché, I know) and gave it to her to read later. I called it "premature" and it just explains that I know it is not the time to profess my love to her, but I want her to know that I think I am falling in that general direction. She was pleased to get the poem, but I wont know until tomorrow what she thought. I did learn this though, she understands how I feel because she herself is confused. She has even wondered why she texts me before she even gets out of bed. So I think she is in a similar place.

I am not interested in sex, I need companionship. I need a partner that is supportive, caring, loving and sensitive. Of course sex is a wonderful part of a relationship, but it is only one part. I am beginning to feel like we are connecting on many different levels. I guess I will see what the next day brings.

Thanks You for your support, I am really lost right now!

[steviej]

You have very strong grounds for devorcing your wife, she cheated on you twice! Mental illness or not - that's a deal breaker!
Get rid, get your own life back.

[Regnent]

Sounds like you've already done the reasoning to pursue this relationship further.

Both people have mentally unstable, abusive partners, both are unhappy...

Why you asking exactly? For people to tell you it's ok?

You've already got your reasons to do it, so do it.

[hello1]

You are a troll. I am sure the OP person is posting several different stories on this site. I go on another forum and this person also posts fake stories there and I am sure its the same person! they always says "Lets call her N, P" The writing style similar, too similar.

[antennaman]

You are a troll. I am sure the OP person is posting several different stories on this site. I go on another forum and this person also posts fake stories there and I am sure its the same person! they always says "Lets call her N, P" The writing style similar, too similar.

How about this "hello1". Why dont you bring a little evidence other than the fact that I use letters of the alphabet to portray pertinent character's in my story. I am not the only one who does this, I am trying to protect the other people in this story from any unnecessary conflict. Is this how you are going to help? You would have been better off moving along to the next thread and keeping your radical opinions and accusations to yourself. If you have proof that I am a so called "Troll" then please, by all means produce it, otherwise just shove off and find somebody else's thread to crash. What other stories have I supposedly posted on this site? I discovered it last night while trying to figure out what I should do. Do you actually think I would have spent an hour typing my post out if I was making it up?

The fact is, hello1, that I came here hoping to find some advice and support that will help me through this troubling time, and that I have found. But unfortunately I also found a "hero" hoping to close down the very first thread I have posted, at this important and confusing time. Thanks for the help and words of encouragement, and good luck on your future "Troll-Hunts".