Help for the clueless girl :(

[Kitty_Azura]

if we were real friends you will never know about these issues of mine. i never talk about my issues to anyone. expecially not love issues. heck this is the first and only one I've had in my life.but if i did have a friend that would urge me to do these things, i think i would be a bit happier.

[Bonfire]

if we were real friends you will never know about these issues of mine.......but if i did have a friend that would urge me to do these things, i think i would be a bit happier.

I don't know if we could be friends in real life, I mean I want a friend that will be financially secure. Someone who can treat me when we hang out. Someone I can leech off of when I am broke. Sounds like you will be struggling in this area, I don't know if I want to risk that. I have to think about my future. So maybe we can't be friends. My parents always judge me by the friends I choose. You might make me look bad.

[Kitty_Azura]

lol. i dont pick friends with that kind of criteria. i dont care if my friends are not financially well off, as long as we can play and laugh together, and if they ever need help in ANYTHING emotional or otherwise, i'm happy to help. a boyfriend and a friend are different kinds of close. but the last thing you say is true regardless of if you were joking. my parents DO judge me by the friends i choose. that's why they urge me to go to school programs and make educated friends that will be a good example for me. like my best friend that was together with the guy i kinda like. my parents didn't like her because of her lax upbringing and the fact that "she has a boyfriend and had sex when she's so young"

[asdfg789]

I still find it strange these days with all the progress women have achieve in today's society in the workplace and social equality that they still factor in a guy's finances when choosing a mate. Where as for men, we don't even care about how much her paycheck is. We only care about who she is. I guess girl's mentality hasn't change since. They look at everything with a price tag including love.

I think the OP is wise to consider a potential partner's ability to manage money. You don't want a financially irresponsible partner who spends more than what he/she makes on a consistent basis. If you don't factor this in choosing your GF, you should.

The last thing you want is your life partner forever dragging you down financially. Unless you want a kept man/woman.

[Bonfire]

I think the OP is wise to consider a potential partner's ability to manage money. You don't want a financially irresponsible partner who spends more than what he/she makes on a consistent basis. If you don't factor this in choosing your GF, you should. The last thing you want is your life partner forever dragging you down financially. Unless you want a kept man/woman.

People who marries for financial reasons will divorce for financial reasons, which is a leading cause of divorces. The problem isn't really about the money, the problem lies in the mentality that money is what makes a happy marriage. My parents were poor but they were happily married and they set a great example for me about the meaning of love. If my mom thought the way you did, she would not have married my dad. Luckily my parents taught me well, what's really important.

[asdfg789]

People who marries for financial reasons will divorce for financial reasons, which is a leading cause of divorces. The problem isn't really about the money, the problem lies in the mentality that money is what makes a happy marriage. My parents were poor but they were happily married and they set a great example for me about the meaning of love. If my mom thought the way you did, she would not have married my dad. Luckily my parents taught me well, what's really important.

I think you need to learn to read carefully before responding. Where did I say that the partner has to be rich ? I said ability to manage money and financial irresponsibility.
I'm happy to hear that your parents had a happy marriage despite being poor. That is probably because they did not wish for things that they could not afford.
Which is my point here. If a partner was irresponsible and consistently leeching off the other, the marriage likely wouldn't last.

[Bonfire]

I think you need to learn to read carefully before responding. Where did I say that the partner has to be rich ?

Likewise, where did I use the term "rich"? I know what you said, financial irresponsibility. Do you know in a marriage, there are two people involve. If one person is not good with money, usually it's the other person that handles the finances. My dad might not be good with money, but my mom is. They manage well because each person uses their strength and that's what being a partner in a marriage is about. The marriage doesn't last if one of them does not want to work with the other. Not because one of them is poor with money. Again, if you marry for money, I can guaranteed you'll divorce because of it.

[asdfg789]

Likewise, where did I use the term "rich"?

really ? so what did you mean by marrying for money ?

[Bonfire]

really ? so what did you mean by marrying for money ?

Financial stability, steady job, comfortable living... it doesn't have to mean rich. See what I mean about the mentality? You see the word "money" you automatically assume "rich". That's the mindset of a person who think in terms of dollars.

[asdfg789]

Financial stability, steady job, comfortable living... it doesn't have to mean rich. See what I mean about the mentality? You see the word "money" you automatically assume "rich". That's the mindset of a person who think in terms of dollars.

Sigh. Fine if you want to split hairs.

So i guess you are saying that for a person, having financial stability, a steady job and comfortable living is not important ?
All that you need is love and fresh air ? How old are you ?

[Bonfire]

Sigh. Fine if you want to split hairs.

So i guess you are saying that for a person, having financial stability, a steady job and comfortable living is not important ?
All that you need is love and fresh air ? How old are you ?

If that's how you understood it, then you have totally misunderstood me. There will be no point in explaining further is it?

[asdfg789]

If that's how you understood it, then you have totally misunderstood me. There will be no point in explaining further is it?

Oh ? Let me summarize it for you:

I say : it is wise find somebody who is financially responsible as a life partner
You jump all over because you perceive that I am advocating marrying purely for financial reasons.
I don't think anyone is saying that here.

You can't blame people for being prudent about their life partners' financial ability.
Look around the threads here you will see people suffering because they have to live with their partners' being financially irresponsible.

Being in financial difficulty is tough as a single. It puts even more strain on a relationship and makes it more likely to fail.
Your parents are a great counter-example and I applaud them. But they are an exemption not the norm.

[Kitty_Azura]

umm... i'm not saying i'm going to marry for money. but i'm afraid that even the best couples will feel oppressed when they can't make ends meet. it could be that they would feel like a failure for not providing the life the other wants because they love each other so much that they can't bare for the other to feel burdened by financial problems. that's how i view it. what you say is true about splitting the responsibility to the one that can manage it more. like my dad handles the money cuz my mom doesnt know how. but if i was to get into a relationship with this guy, the handler of the money would be me. i'm ok with little things like making sure he doesnt spend like $60 on ramune soda and other japanese foods when he was only planning to spend $20 (yes, this actually happened). but keeping the bills straight in the future is pressure I can't handle. I may be more frugal, but i'm in no way responsible. because i know i'm not monetarily responsible, i wish for my significant other to be.