Need advice. She broke up with me out of nowhere..."needs space."

[nascar311]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I need some un-biased advice. This could be a long post

A few months ago I started online dating and it was a great experience. I went out with 3 different girls until I met this girl named Laura in early January. We hit it off right away. We had an amazing relationship for 2+ months until almost out of nowhere she broke up with me last week over text message and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal with it.

Background information is that we're both 27. She's divorced. Her divorce wasn't finalized until October of 2010 but she said she went to counseling and all that stuff and was ready to meet a "nice guy." Her husband had been very mentally and verbally abusive to her. She said she made a list of requirements she wanted in a guy with her therapist and "I met all of the requirements."

When our relationship started I knew that she may be weary of getting serious too fast so I told her to be up front with me if she thought things were going too fast. I'm all about honesty and I just wanted her to share her feelings with me. Well we started having sex about a month in and after that we started dropping the "L" word and things were getting pretty serious. But she never said anything was wrong and we were very happy and this relationship really seemed like "the real thing." She was always complimenting me and saying the nicest things and of course I was in return as well.

Well she's in law school so she had spring break and went to DC with her sister. I decided not to bother her a ton while she was there because I wanted her to have a good time and I didn't want to be a needy boyfriend that bothered her about what she was doing all the time. We still talked every day but not as much as we usually did (and we usually talked almost all day every day). She got back from her trip and everything seemed OK. She called me the night she got back. The next day we talked during the day and everything seemed fine. Well then that Monday morning when we were texting she told me she was really freaking out about law school and all of the work she had to catch up on. So she cancelled our plans of hanging out that night. I was fine with it and told her to do what she had to do and we could hang out later in the week.

Well the rest of that Monday and then the day after she barely said a word to me. I sent her a couple of texts asking her how things were going and she was very short "Good, busy with school work" or didn't say anything at all. And on Monday night she didn't say Good night to me...which we pretty much did every night. So I'm freaking out knowing something is wrong but hoping she's just stressed with school work and she'll be fine once that passes. Well on Wednesday she breaks up with me, over text, while I'm at work. She said something like "I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now. I need to be alone. I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I need to be independent." Needless to say I was shocked.

Well of course I had questions and I was upset but she didn't really have any answers for me at the time. I care about her and she's a great girl so I didn't yell at her or make her feel bad. I just told her how much I cared about her and how I wish she would have been more honest with me in the beginning if she was stressed about the relationship moving too quickly.

So when she broke up with me I de-friended her on Facebook and took her number out of my phone. I didn't want to be tempted to send her lots of texts and beg her to take me back or even worse text her when I was drunk. It's been about 10 days and neither one of us has reached out to talk to each other.

I really miss her a lot and miss what we had together. It was real. Those 2+ months were darn near perfect. I now know that even though she never said anything I should have been more mindful of how serious we were getting so fast. But basically I want to contact her and do my best to get her back. She's worth it. We've both had some time to think and I think we had a great thing...we made plans for trips this Summer...heck she even bought bathing suits for the trip we were going to go on in June. Stuff like that is why I thought our relationship was great and I didn't have anything to worry about.

Basically I just want all of your opinions on if I have handled things the right way and what the best way to approach her would be. I definitely don't want to dump all of my feelings out right away and I want her to WANT to get back together with me. But really, I just miss talking to her and want to know how she's been doing. I've had a rough 10 days. I haven't had to deal with a breakup in awhile and forgot how hard it is.

Any advice you can give me on how to handle things is greatly appreciated.

Thank you

[Bonfire]

It really depends on the main reason she ended the relationship whether you have a chance of getting her back or not. The only thing you can do now is be on friendly term with her to give her that space and time she needs to figure things out. Whether she can overcome her personal reasons for breaking it off, only time can tell. That's all you can do for now. So get on with your life. She'll have more respect for you and will improve your chances.

But what I think has happen is that although you meet her criteria on paper, she doesn't feel it as much as you did. No matter how much someone appears to be perfect on paper, if the feelings are not there, it is not there. She likes you but she wasn't in love with you. She realizes you are falling deep for her and she doesn't want to hurt you in the end because you are a great guy. So she ended it quickly which is a shock to you. But in reality, she probably has been thinking about this for a little while. I recommend you move on and don't hold your breath that she will come back. I know you feel she is worth waiting for, but if you wait too long, you would have wasted away your time that you could have met someone more amazing.

[nascar311]

Thanks for the advice bonfire. I agree somewhat. She had a history of mentally/verbally abusive boyfriends/husband. So I'm sure she DOES want a nice guy...and I am definitely a nice guy (without being a total wuss). I don't think I was TOO nice...but to her maybe it was a little bit overwhelming and too much too soon. I know I may/probably won't get a second chance...but I'm the kind of guy that doesn't want to say "what if?". So I want to try to talk to her again and get back in her life, but without overwhelming her and trying to force her back into a relationship with me. I want it to come naturally over time if it does. But we just got along so well...it seems a shame for us to not talk at all. I just miss her is all. I'm all up in my head about it.

[Bonfire]

She had a history of mentally/verbally abusive boyfriends/husband. So I'm sure she DOES want a nice guy...and I am definitely a nice guy.

There is a world of difference between wanting a nice guy and able to fall in love with one. Some girls are just attracted to a certain type of guys. Her history of abusive boyfriends/husband tells me she is that type. Love isn't logical, it is instinctive. You can't reason yourself to love someone. That's just how it is. She might settle down with a nice guy in the end but that's only because she rather be with someone than be alone.