Help for the clueless girl :(

[Kitty_Azura]

ok, i'm new here, and new at all things romantic. heck i didn't even believe in love until recently.

anyways, there's this guy i kinda like that's almost perfect personality-wise and look-wise. i think i'm falling for him, but there are a few problems:
1) he's my best friend's ex,
2) he's not very good with managing money,
3) his grades are not that good at all,
4) he takes relationships way too seriously way too fast.
I’m a practical girl that searches for a guy that will provide stability to family life in the future. If it is only casual dating, that wouldn’t be a problem, but he is way too sensitive about break ups and I care about him too much to break his heart. He is so nice all the time though, and he really knows how to please a lady in all meanings of the word.
Now I’m caught in the dilemma: should I just let myself fall for him and suffer the possibly horrible future, or keep my emotional distance?

p.s.We are already best friends.

[fuggles0]

you never know, he might change when hes with you, he might become more responsible if he thinks you both have a future and he realises he needs good grades and he needs to manage his money better, youl never know unless you try

[Bonfire]

I still find it strange these days with all the progress women have achieve in today's society in the workplace and social equality that they still factor in a guy's finances when choosing a mate. Where as for men, we don't even care about how much her paycheck is. We only care about who she is. I guess girl's mentality hasn't change since. They look at everything with a price tag including love.

[fuggles0]

i dont... i couldnt care less if my boyfriend didnt have a penny id still love him and be with him

[JadenMia]

I still find it strange these days with all the progress women have achieve in today's society in the workplace and social equality that they still factor in a guy's finances when choosing a mate. Where as for men, we don't even care about how much her paycheck is. We only care about who she is. I guess girl's mentality hasn't change since. They look at everything with a price tag including love.

I have never cared about my mans money. If i like him as a person and he treats me well, heck, id live in a shack with him and call it home. Except in my personal experiences i have found maybe it is a good idea to find a man with at least SOME drive to do well in life. My first boyfriend lost his job and it didnt even phase me, except when he was still blowing his money on things, sat on his ass at home not bothering to find a job, then left me at home with our daughter while he went to piss what little money we had up the wall. That was definitely a problem.
In this situaton, a guy not having good grades is a poor excuse.. At least he goes to school and is working toward something.

I think you should just give it a go with him. You have no intentions of hurting him so if he does get hurt in a relationship with you, thats just life i suppose. As long as you do have feelings for him and dont mess him around, then there is no problem. Not every relationship works out and IMO the best you can do is go into it with your eyes wide open and good intentions for the both of you.

[Kitty_Azura]

thanks everyone. i'm not romantic. you can probably tell. and at an early age, both my asian parents have been drilling it into me that they want my life to be better than theirs, so i really dont wanna disappoint them. and please dont assume that all women are like me. i'm just very special. everything has to be practical in some sense for my future or my sanity. love is no different.

and my parents always told me that boys dont reallly care for a girl's education or economic standings as much because they want to be better than the female. If a girl is better than the boy, then there would be insecurity issues for the boy. Girls on the other hand look for a guy to lean on, so wants him to be better and smarter than them. it's a natural thing.

[Kitty_Azura]

and i'm honestly scared for my future. I have a vague idea of what i want to be in the future, but my grades are no where near my parents' expectations. if things go any further like this, i'm not sure how i'm going to support myself in the future. that's another reason why i need a guy that has a future. it'll give me a bit of a reassurance so to speak

[Horseyguy]

i dont... i couldnt care less if my boyfriend didnt have a penny id still love him and be with him

Oh you say that now

In your last thread you were complaining he was spending all his money on cars and didn't have enough to go out with you, but that's ok cos you are sticking with him because he will inherit the business that brings in six figures every year.

It's all about the money ;P

[Bonfire]

I have never cared about my mans money. If i like him as a person and he treats me well, heck, id live in a shack with him and call it home.

That's the problem. You view yourself as having to live with his income. Why couldn't he live with your income? The traditional view of a man being the provider should be a thing of the past. Women are equally capable of sharing the role. But yet women are so ingrain in this mentality that they can't accept the role reversal. For a successful women, a man has to make equal or more money than them. If the man makes less, it can't be much less. It's so silly when I hear women talk about men in this manner like his character is determine by the thickness of his wallet.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Hi Kitty, you are still young and right now its best to test the waters like you said. Just because you like a guy and fall for is not really mandatory for you to end up with him. You have so much time left and it's better to get hurt at a young age then at an age that you might regret. Good luck!

[Kitty_Azura]

i don't see myself as young anymore...... i'm kinda weird like that. i'm legal for crying out loud! i miss the days where i can be jail bait..... (please dont comment on this, i know this sounds wrong without you telling me it is)

[Nice Lover Boy]

I understand what your trying to say, but where I am getting at is that when I say young, that means you have more time to make your choice or "see" how things go.

[Kitty_Azura]

i guess i'm just a very scientific minded girl. everything must be planned out and needs to make sense. if something screws with the equation, them i become hesitant.

[Regnent]

Consider it a theory, and test it out.
Only way to know either way.

[Kitty_Azura]

but, but... how would i test it out without hurting him? what if it doesnt work out? and then there's the fact that he's my best friend's ex-boyfriend. wouldn't that just be super awkward?