How do you show you care?

[98db]

In my last last relationship, one of my big concerns was that my SO was not very good at showing me she loves me or even cares about me. Early on, I mentioned that I appreciate the little things someone does for the one they care about, and I meant it. In the beginning, I did things for her that I knew that she needed, or just might appreciate, just because I cared about her and wanted to take care of her.

These weren't big things, make her coffee in the morning, fix her lunches, take care of her animals, fill up her gas tank, etc. I even set up a separate bank account so I could electronically transfer money to her in case of emergencies (like if she ran out of cigarettes ). There were also big things too, I rented her a car for a week while her's was in the shop, took her to Las Vegas and Hawaii for vacations and San Francisco for Valentine's.

After a couple months, I started feeling that I was being taken advantage of. I thought that I could just stop giving and that would make me not expect so much from her. Unfortunately, I didn't want to stop doing things for her, I just really wanted to see her reciprocate some of my gestures. I talked to her about it and she said that I was too needy but what I really felt was that I was putting all the effort into the relationship and she was just along for the ride.

Things started getting really bad when she started having me pay her bills because she was losing money gambling

Anyhow, I am done with that relationship, but I now want to know how you girls show your man that you care about and appreciate him. Am I unreasonable in my expectations?

[girl68]

No you're not unsreasonable but she failed to realize that doing little things were the things you need and liked the most.

The things I do to show I care:
cook (he knows I dislike cooking)
taking the dog out even when I really, really don't want to
treat him out to dinner (he typically pays)
buy him little snacks and treats
let him watch sports at home
compliment him

[Sonrisa]

sounds like she is using you. i am sure you can find someone else who'll appreciate what you do for them and pay you back with the same kind of attention.

[bloodtippedrose]

Next girlfriend, take notice early on if she doesn't reciprocate small gestures, then you'll KNOW not to do anything big for her. Also try to get someone who doesn't have an addictive personality :/ It sounds like you picked a real dud before.

[smackie9]

Dude it's called relationship expectations. Everyone has them, and they are all different. Some people prefer less affection, some need more....That is what dating is all about, to see if the person fulfills your expectations and that you are compatible. If they are not what you expect, then you end the relationship.You can't force people to be who you want them to be. So this girl is crap, you bail, and move on to find someone that is more suitable.

[Take2]

While I agree with smackie, communication can impact this, too. But it needs to be right at the start, when you both would jump over the moon for each other. Then you get into good habits of taking care of each other in the ways that each appreciates. My ex always did the dishes to make me feel special...but I would have preferred he just occasionally sit down and spend time with me without interuption. I was always ready to do that for him, but he would have preferred I show my love by folding laundry he left on the dryer. Communication could have really helped us a lot. But we were idiots.

[98db]

I like your style. Your guy is very lucky!

No you're not unsreasonable but she failed to realize that doing little things were the things you need and liked the most.

The things I do to show I care:
cook (he knows I dislike cooking)
taking the dog out even when I really, really don't want to
treat him out to dinner (he typically pays)
buy him little snacks and treats
let him watch sports at home
compliment him

[98db]

In this case, my Ex was actually diagnosed with ADD, so she essentially had a doctor's note for neglecting me and not having to show me appreciation or affection. We tried talking about it many times, but she just felt like I was attacking her and picking on her. Beyond that, she really made me feel like I was the one with unreasonable expectations.

[bloodtippedrose]

That is ridiculous. Everyone is looking to label themselves to find excuses for the craziest of things in this day and age...

[98db]

I would have said the same thing just one year ago. After living it first hand for the last few months, I am a firm believer that ADD is for real and something I will be looking out for in the future.

[neelym2011]

No you're not unsreasonable but she failed to realize that doing little things were the things you need and liked the most.

Some things I do for my boyfriend to show him how much I care about him and love him are:
1. Give him a back massage after he's worked all night(he works 3rd shift).
2. Put lotion on his feet and rub them for him.
3. Text him cute little I love you sayings.
4. Do special things for him for our anniversaries.
5. Help him pay sometimes when we go out on dates so he doesnt have to spend his money on me all the time.
6. Tell him how good he looks when he dresses up for us to go out on dates.
7. Buy him little surprises.
8. Write him love letters telling him how much I love him and how much of a blessing he is to me.

[a19drift]

I wish I could call him my man, but that's another thread for another forum. But no, you're not
Here's how I operate:

I'm a petter, lol.I enjoy having my hands on the man. I will stroke, rub, massage, whatever. He's admitted that he feels less stressed when I do this, and I feel good because it feels good.
I grab the check first. My guy makes way more money than I, but if I can swing it, I do.
I'm learning to cook all his favorite things.
I make his bed. This seems small, but he always comments. & I pick up his apartment.
I tell him everyday that I'm proud of him.

If we were more, I would probably find more ways to do more. But this is what I have so far.

[98db]

Ugh, why can't I find a girl like you. I am jealous of your man

I wish I could call him my man, but that's another thread for another forum. But no, you're not
Here's how I operate:

I'm a petter, lol.I enjoy having my hands on the man. I will stroke, rub, massage, whatever. He's admitted that he feels less stressed when I do this, and I feel good because it feels good.
I grab the check first. My guy makes way more money than I, but if I can swing it, I do.
I'm learning to cook all his favorite things.
I make his bed. This seems small, but he always comments. & I pick up his apartment.
I tell him everyday that I'm proud of him.

If we were more, I would probably find more ways to do more. But this is what I have so far.

[a19drift]

I wish there was someone like you to open his eyes and show him what he's got.

I can't say for sure that there's lots of girls out there like me, but I hope you find one!

[IncognitoSir]

I wish I could call him my man, but that's another thread for another forum. But no, you're not
Here's how I operate:

I'm a petter, lol.I enjoy having my hands on the man. I will stroke, rub, massage, whatever. He's admitted that he feels less stressed when I do this, and I feel good because it feels good.
I grab the check first. My guy makes way more money than I, but if I can swing it, I do.
I'm learning to cook all his favorite things.
I make his bed. This seems small, but he always comments. & I pick up his apartment.
I tell him everyday that I'm proud of him.

If we were more, I would probably find more ways to do more. But this is what I have so far.

Damn, I have to admit as well.....that would make me feel like the world's most appreciated man/luckiest guy in the world!