She wants me to "miss her" whenever she isnt there......!!!!

[drummer05]

Hey guys...

I realise that this isnt the most important topic, but its bugging the heck out of me, and i dont know what to say to my wife.

I went out with a friend today for a couple of hours, and at some point after i got back, she mentioned that she missed me when i was out, and she asked if i missed her too...... so i said, not really.. but i still love you and i wasnt really away for long enough to start missing you.

She says that if i dont miss her whenever she is not there, that i dont love her.. and she got pretty upset about it.

Anyway, she left to go out with friends and says that its because she WANTS me to miss her, i tried explaining to her that its just the way i feel, and most guys would be the same, and that i love her and i told her not to take it personaly, but thats who i am.

There dousnt seem to be any reasoning with her...... at one point she was saying that she dousnt want me to see her UNTIL i miss her.. and the fact that i dont miss her means that i dont love her, blah blah blah!

Any advice on what i can say to her that will make her see that there is no problem here!

Josh M

[Bonfire]

How long have you been married? Your wife is so funny. lol

[the_robot]

Sounds like she's 5 years old.

[drummer05]

I have been married on 7 months or so... but dating for 4 years before that.... we are 21 and 20....

my wife is awsome and funny and great.. and we are very happy togethor.. but she has her set way of how love is meant to be, and what love means, and dousnt realise that i look at love in a completely different way.

How do i explain it to her?

[drummer05]

Sounds like she's 5 years old.

lol

if i said that i would get slapped lol!

got any nice way of saying that she sounds like a crying toddler?

[Horseyguy]

Go buy her some flowers, actions speak louder than words

[Take2]

Her feelings aren't good or bad, they just are. She isn't doing a good job of recognizing her true need here, but it sounds like she is needing to feel loved and special, and is asking you to give that to her by missing her whenever you are apart. You are trying to respond to an emotional request by logicking her out of wanting that, which will never work and is no more mature than her original demand.

How about this? Do not argue with her need. Tell her you love her deeply, and it breaks your heart to see her so sad. Tell her that it sounds like she is not getting the validation of your love and commitment that she needs. Explain that you don't want to lie to her and say you miss her when you don't, but you DO want to find another way to meet that need for validation of your love, which is true and deep. Discuss with her other alternatives that might feel that hole she is experiencing when she asks you to miss her.

[girl68]

I like what Take2 says.

I think she feels like you're not showing your love to her in the way she wants. I'm not saying you HAVE to miss her to love her I'm suggesting she doesn't feel loved, desired as much as she'd like.

[VincenzoG91]

Was this friend a female friend? Maybe that made your wife feel insecure. But if this was just a guy friend, then your wife sounds like an immature drama queen who is trying to start trouble.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Save yourself the trouble and just tell her you miss her.

[drummer05]

No was just a male friend.. i dont have any female friends....

I see what you guys are saying about her not feeling loved, that has definately been brought up by her any more, that i dont show that i love her... etc.

I do buy her flowers and do all the cute stuff.... it makes her happy at the time, but she can forget that pretty fast too.

I say it all the time, and i really dont hold back on telling her the facts and the truth.

I think the problem might be rooted in the fact that i dont take her out enough... she has brought this up before, and we have spoken about it, but im no good at it... im a crazy introvert, i would be completely content with sitting at home, reading, playing a game, chatting, watching something, etc.... but she is more extroverted, loves to go out, get out the house, for me to take her out....

We both have fun when we stay in, and we both have fun when we go out.... but we stay in way more, i guess cos shes waiting for me to "take her out", and tbh, thats the last thing on my mind.... i know she can be happy at home, and i know i am...

besides, where to take her, what to do, etc etc.... im no good at that either.

I dont know if this is related to the whole "missing" thing, but if i sort that out, then perhaps she wont care if i miss her or not lol.

What dyu think?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It's not that hard to find somewhere to go. Sounds like at this point, she'd be happy with anything. Figure out what she likes; shouldn't be too hard since you're married, google it, take her to the closest place that offers that and call it a day. It's really not that hard, you just sound lazy and complacent, and she's gonna **** another dude or divorce you, or both if you keep it up.

[girl68]

I think you're not putting in much effort I would too be put off by your "reasons" which honestly suck.

I'm happy at home with my man too, but I will not settle for being at home just because I CAN be happy there. I NEED to go out. And you NEED to recongnize her need. You NEED to get off your butt and start planning dates. Honestly you sounds straight up lazy in the up keep of this relationship. I think you got too comfortable with your wife thinking she should just BE happy. And the "I'm no good at that" is a piss poor excuse. Learn.

To me it sounds like you're doing things you THINK will make her feel loved but they don't. Buying her gifts and flowers is nice, but it's only nice for the girl if she really appriciates that. Your wife isn't that girl. You wife is the girl who wants your undivided quality time OFF THE COUCH. Take her out, romance her. Tell her sweet nothings. THAT is what she's craving, if you can fill her up with that kinda love I gauretee she won't be on your case about "missing her". Flowers and choclates is just "thanks babe" kind of idea.

[drummer05]

I think you're not putting in much effort I would too be put off by your "reasons" which honestly suck.

I'm happy at home with my man too, but I will not settle for being at home just because I CAN be happy there. I NEED to go out. And you NEED to recongnize her need. You NEED to get off your butt and start planning dates. Honestly you sounds straight up lazy in the up keep of this relationship. I think you got too comfortable with your wife thinking she should just BE happy. And the "I'm no good at that" is a piss poor excuse. Learn.

To me it sounds like you're doing things you THINK will make her feel loved but they don't. Buying her gifts and flowers is nice, but it's only nice for the girl if she really appriciates that. Your wife isn't that girl. You wife is the girl who wants your undivided quality time OFF THE COUCH. Take her out, romance her. Tell her sweet nothings. THAT is what she's craving, if you can fill her up with that kinda love I gauretee she won't be on your case about "missing her". Flowers and choclates is just "thanks babe" kind of idea.

Thanks, awsome response!!!

Im gonna take her out tomoz during the day, we can both take a day off work... cos we have an internet company.... ill take her to an art gallery, i know she likes that.

I definately see where your coming from.... i have to start recognising her needs more..

Thanks for the responses, i hope it helps

Josh M

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Also, never use the abbreviation, "tomoz". If you do, she will **** another dude, or divorce you, or both.