Mixed messages after dating for two months.

[JohnKey]

I've been seeing this girl for about two months now, and after an encouraging start I think Im getting some mixed messages, so I would like a female perspective.

I met her at an after party for a course we have been doing for most of the year. We have quite a few friends in common, she works with some of my good friends, and I work with some of hers. I think she might be a little bit shy, and sometimes might not respond to text messages straight away, but will answer calls etc. I make most of the contact but she has contacted me first from time to time.

The reason im a bit confused now is because two weeks ago we agreed to catch up Sunday afternoon which seemed to go well, and the next day she invited me to hang out at a nice park we had been talking about and we ended up going back to her place and having sex (prob 4th/ 5th time we have). She did tell me that sunday that she was going to be busy for the next 3 weekends.

We stayed in touch with a couple of text messages later that week, I knew she was busy that Fri / Sat so the following Monday I contacted her by text to see if she was free that night and she didnt reply. I rang her two days later and she told me she was bascially busy doing things with friends Wed - Sat, so I suggested we catch up Sunday. She agreed, but on the day was 20mins late.

Im confused because after she invited me out last time, I didnt then see her for two weeks and it was diffucult finding that time as well. Also in my experience when a girl has liked me she has found the time to hang out even if has lots of plans etc. And also that she didnt reply to that text.

We are both going to a wine and food festival this Sunday, she told me that she would prob see me then. I told her to stay in touch and she agreed, but Im not convinced she will initiate any contact this week.

Why would a girl initate a date one time (and have sex) but then make it difficult for me to follow that up?? I am wondering perhaps because we have got to that make or break stage... Or maybe I am reading too much into it and should just relax.

Should my next move be to wait to see if she contacts me, or should I get in touch with her?

[RockNRoll]

I can't understand her messages either. When did she tell you that she was busy for next 3 weekend? On that Sunday date in park? It may be true that she had so many plans and it's good that she told about them in advance with a set time limit. But I am not sure if it's just that and what it means, could be anything.

Maybe you are right about it being a stage. You might want to clarify things a bit, but gently without any hurry and pressure. Did you ever define your relationships, talked if you are exclusive? I am only wondering, not telling you to ask it directly now.

Are you really interested in her? Based on my views and my current situation, I will advice you to initiate most of contacts yourself (and not just texts, you can ask when it's better to call her for a chat), ask her out during the week (not like you asked her out on that Monday when she never replied, but in advance), let her know that you are looking forward to see her, make some plans, be in a regular contact and keep it light. As long as she sounds happy to hear from you and initiates some contacts herself, be initiative yourself (within limits of course).

[JohnKey]

Thanks

She told me that she was busy the day before when we met up the next day, and I am fairly confident from what she said that her plans were legit. We havent ever had a chat about being exlcusive or anything, neither of us have brough it up.

I was thinking about how we went yesterday, and she was asking questions about me which followed up from last time, and were questions that showed some interest. I guess the main issue for me is she cant seem to find anytime to see me much on the weekends, and I know for a fact she is away with work during the week for the next two weeks.

I do like her, but I guess I will just play it cool and after the next week or so if she still seems to have stacks of plans and doesnt get in touch with me at all then I will let slide.

[RockNRoll]

Looks like it really is a lack of free time. Do you want to test if she gets in touch herself or just keep it to more casual or 50/50? It could be the case, that she will wait to hear from you first. Though she sounds quite pro-active. You are right, she should be able to find time for you. Let us know how it goes. Good luck

[girl68]

Time to back off, after 2 months it isn't unreasonable for her to show equal interest... and so far she hasn't I start giving up but respond should she reach out to you.

I also expect other men in the picture somewhere.

[xxazurexx]

It only sounds as though she has a half hearted interest to me.

I'm a female who lets the guy do most of the initiating. But I don't ignore his texts or refuse and go out with the girls when he wants to see me and especially if I'm genuinely liking him and which is why I'm thinking, 'She aint that into you' and sounds as though you are merely an option for her. Something to do and when she's got nothing else to do.

I could be wrong though. She may also be a female who just isn't looking for serious stuff quite yet.

[JohnKey]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

I know there arent any other boys, and there are a few things that make me 99% confident of that. Think there is some truth that she only has a half interest. Also possible that bcos with our course we have had massive workload this year and we havent been able to see our friends as much as we would like.

Think I will stick with the above, see how things pan out over next few weeks, if she still seems to have a million other / better things to do then will take the hint and move on.

[JohnKey]

Update:

So we ended up as boyfriend / girlfriend shortly after these posts back in November last year. A mutual friend told me to ask her out so I did. Things went really well until recently, when she again started becoming emotionally distant towards me. She dumped me last week saying she really likes me, im a nice guy, relaxed etc very similar to her and we always had good times together. She basically gave the reason for the break up that she wasnt attracted to me anymore. I dont know what that means. I asked why she was breaking up with me when we get on so well together, never argue etc, she just said she also has fun with her other friends, but isnt attracted to me anymore.

Bottom line is I dont think she ever really loved me, or has ever loved anybody. I am pretty sure she is scared to drop her emotional wall to allow anybody to get really close to her. Also explains the carry on in the early days. I really liked her, but I think I'll get past this pretty fast. Maybe we will be friends, we did get on really well and never once had an argument.

I also feel quite sorry for her. Something must be up that scares her into being closed off and pushing people away when they get too close.

Does anyone else think this is a fair assessment or am I off track/.

[kelvinw]

JohnKey your situation sounds exactly the same as mine. Almost every aspect. But i think my ex was scared of intimacy. She apparently pushes guys away when she gets really close to them :/
Chin up mate, i've felt a lot better in the last week as my ex slowly disappears out of my mind. She doesn't even want to talk to me or see me even though we didn't end on bad terms... The thing that is actually helping me move on is her friends now wanting to become my friends because they know i was a nice guy and that she has problems