Wth?? Hurt and confused

[Saga]

Hi everyone,

Well, I'm not sure this counts as heartbreak but here's my story. I met this guy online 2 weeks ago and I felt like there was an instant connection. We exchanged numbers and texted every day and talked on the phone several times. We had a ton in common. He thought I was really pretty, funny, smart, and I was attracted to him as well.There was one suspicious thing that happened- we became facebook friends because he wanted to see more pics of me so I added him, but probably hours later he claimed facebook was lame and weird people were writing on his wall, so he deleted his account. I let it slide though even though I thought it was weird. He also didn't have pics on his page, but he'd sent me several through email. On a sidenote, he had claimed to look through a lot of my pics and should very well have known what I looked like from head to toe. Well, yesterday we had planned to go to dinner and bowling. I got to the restaurant first because I live a lot closer to it, and when he pulled in there were no spots left. I got out of my car to help him find one and told him he could probably park next door. So he pulls off and I am standing in the cold waiting for him. I eventually go inside and grab a table. About 5 minutes later I get a text saying "Sorry, you're not really my type. Take care and sorry for wasting your time " At first I thought it was some sick joke and even asked that in my text response...but it wasn't a joke. So I left the restaurant and went home very pissed off, receiving another text later saying "I'm sooo sorry, you're an awesome girl and hope you find someone right for you" ???

Today I was almost inclined to write him to ask what the hell (pardon my French) happened yesterday, but out of curiosity I typed his name in facebook and he is BACK ON!! With one fewer friend (I guess he deleted me). It just really sucked. I'd been looking forward to that date all week and I had really liked him, or so I thought. And there was no way he could have accurately seen my body- it was dark outside and I had a big winter coat on. Plus he had seen plenty of pics! I'm not mad if he wasn't attracted to me- I can't change that. But the least he could have done was gone through with at least just dinner instead of leaving me in the cold thinking he was parking!! Argh, just very frustrated. And I'm confused due to the suspicious facebook behavior too. Any ideas what the heck might have happened?

[Spring Haze]

What a jerk. That's all you can chalk it up to. You can never fully understand people, all you can do in situations such as these is guess, and guessing will get you no where except dwelling on what happened, causing you more distress.

Don't contact him again. He is not worth your time.

[am_i_serious?]

Ouxh, you poor thing. I dont have much other advice to add, except dont contact him, I know its hard to move on without explanation, it really is, especially for the excitement that built up prior to the date. Spring Haze is right, guessing will only cause you distress.

[Saga]

Thank you for the responses. I also realized I'd forgotten to put he had deleted his account so I added that in so that part makes more sense. I've had a lot of bad internet experiences lately, and my heart can't take any more My chest literally hurts. I'll just take it as a sign that I need to just focus on myself right now. I still can't get the situation out of my head though.

[vashti]

I think you should consider yourself lucky that he showed what an ass he is so early on, so you didn't have to waste any more of your time. That was unbelievably boorish behavior. How did you come to be acquainted with him?

[Saga]

Well, he had an ad on craigslist and I answered it. I know, I know, it's craigslist lol, but my friend met her husband through there so I at least have a little faith in it. And he was one of the few people who sounded decent, wasn't asking for sex or anything perverse, and didn't type at a second-grade level, so I went for it. It started out great- I really thought there was potential with him. He'd said his last ex smoked weed, messed up his car, broke his glasses, cut him and tried to stab her mother....and if that is his "type" then no, I am definitely not it. I thought he was looking for an improvement- a sweet, funny, caring girl who had even saved and brought the guy a piece of cheesecake from a church banquet because he said he loved cheesecake!- but maybe he decided to go back to...that...

[ashley89]

what a douchebag! he definitely has something wrong with him, don't blame it on yourself. he has obvious issues and like vash said, thank God that you found this out now instead of wasting time in a relationship with him only to find it out later!

[imagineallthe]

This is an easy one, you don't even need to spend time thinking about how or why his parents didn't save the world for his obnoxious behaviour and used a condom. Do spend some time soul searching and realise just how idiotic and weird he is. It doesn't even matter if he's having enourmous confidence-issues (doesn't dare to you meet you in person) or simply didn't find you attractive; he is the true hole in an ass and luckily there is not too many people of him out there, most guys even manage to be friends with girls but he doesn't seem to have that ability down. Saga; you don't even have to be strong for this! It is TOO stupid! This is a good thing! If he decided you were "his type" (which is probably not a type demanding quality, humanlike attraction or worthiness), you would possibly have hooked up with something more worthless than a fungus and that would be really grose.

[Cinnabella]

Ouch, just don't think about him more, I guess it's better than having a meal together and didn't enjoy it :-). You will get over it very fast :-).

[Saga]

most guys even manage to be friends with girls but he doesn't seem to have that ability down.

Yeah! Even if we'd just gone out as friends that would have been fine. I know it's silly, but I feel like I lost a friend because we had talked so frequently and he was so kind and funny, and he mentioned several times how sweet and funny I was. I don't think it was all lies, but obviously something wasn't right.

If he decided you were "his type" (which is probably not a type demanding quality, humanlike attraction or worthiness), you would possibly have hooked up with something more worthless than a fungus and that would be really grose.

I mentioned his "type" in post #6 - that was his ex who he spent 3 years with and broke up with a couple months ago! But yeah, I guess I'm glad I didn't waste any more time. I'm still just tempted to get a reason, but I guess I just have to let go.

[ashley89]

just think about it, you only knew him for 2 weeks too! at least you didn't invest more time into this loser

[bloodtippedrose]

How can someone do that, seriously? Im glad you learned this guy was a complete ass before anything serious happened. Do not go on craigslist for meeting guys! Its dangerous and theyre all just horny sad-sacks. Go on a legit dating site such as plenty o'fish or something similar.

[Saga]

How can someone do that, seriously? Im glad you learned this guy was a complete ass before anything serious happened. Do not go on craigslist for meeting guys! Its dangerous and theyre all just horny sad-sacks. Go on a legit dating site such as plenty o'fish or something similar.

Yeah, I'm glad I didn't invest more time. It took me 2 years to find out my ex and I weren't compatible, but I learned a lot from that relationship at least.

I also agree that it can be dangerous to meet people from online, but I think that goes for ANY site, not just craigslist. Guess you just have to try to be as safe as you can about it.

Actually I had a plentyoffish account and the very first guy I talked to cussed me out and said I was a "typical brainwashed black woman" because I told him I wasn't ready to meet him after the first conversation and I'd rather talk to him online longer (even though I got a vibe he was a creep, but it's hard for me to be mean to people). The second guy I wrote was asking how I was in bed about 3 minutes after "hi, I'm 'Saga.'" Sooo...I closed that account lol. I've had ok luck on other sites but generally I'M not attracted to the guys who are attracted to me or they live too far away. This was the first guy I was really attracted to who lived within 20 miles The people who are creeps from the beginning I can deal with- still makes me angry because I'm a nice person...but to toy with someone, that just really sucks.

[Saga]

Oh gosh...I caved in lol. I couldn't take the lack of closure and I have a paper to write and couldn't focus...recent email exchange:

Me: Alright...I just want to know why you did what you did on Friday. I had really liked you.

Him: I just panicked...I really liked you too..you're an awesome person and I don't know why I said you weren't my type..I just panicked and I was too embarrassed to ask you to forgive me..I'm not that kind of guy...I was a total asshole and I'm so sorry..take care and god bless

Him: It all just became surreal when I was there and I just panicked..my last relationship was such a nightmare, that I guess when the time came to move on with someone else I guess I just freaked...I'm soo sorry and I hope you have a great rest of semester and get what you deserve out of life..it was great talking to you and I'm sorry I did that

Me: If you were not ready to move on, I would have understood. I wish you'd just told me you weren't ready. That really hurt, you just leaving me like that. Even if you WEREN'T attracted to me and had just wanted to be friends I would have been ok with that- we had so much in common. Well, you take care as well.

Him: Well, if you could ever forgive me...we could be friends..im not usually like that...I just panicked

Aaahhh...part of me wants to give him a second chance, but I dunno...

[bloodtippedrose]

NO second chance! Just cuz he makes himself sound sweet by saying hes not that kind of guy and god bless bull. The fact is he LEFT you in the COLD with a LIE and still hasnt gave you a good excuse! I don't care if hes the pope! No man should get away with that!