Break up advice

[rtm]

Hey, I was just looking for some advice. I recently had a somewhat mutual break up with my girlfriend of 2 years. I have known her for the past 12 years, and our relationship was always a little shaky, but we loved each other more than I thought was possible. Anyways we broke up the other day, and that same night I had text her old roommate to let her know about the news. Because of that my ex, who thinks I was hitting on her friend, will not talk to me at all, and said she never wants anything to do with me ever again. Keep in mind, we have broken up before and we were always so nice after.

Anyway, I am torn up, don't know what to do. I just want her to be happy, trying to give her the space we need. But to know that I was so close to asking this girl to marry me, to never seeing her again just breaks me completely. Should I just man up and give it time or what? I'm sure I'moverreacting and just stuck up in the moment, but its been the worst few days of my life. Sorry if I sound like an immature teenager, promise I'm older than that haha.

[VeronicaHills]

I'm sorry. There is nothing like being heartbroken. And there is also nothing like someone being so mad at you off of an assumption. Have you tried writing her a letter? She should know that she is mad over false information. I would precisely explain it to her in a hand-written letter. Lol I don't have the best advice nor do I take other peoples advice very well, but I feel for you, having done nothing wrong.

In the meantime, I would start moving on. Easier said than done, but for how long are you going to wait around? What if you are constantly fogged by false hope that she will come back, to just be let down forever. And miss out on living life?

[rtm]

Thanks for the reply! I did write her a letter, but it only upset her more.I also talked to her friend and she said she would try to explain how I was not trying to flirt, but simply letting her know of the news. I know I need to move on, as much as I love this girl, I know this is what is right for us. We were just not meant to be together, but she is my best friend, I am more upset over the fact that I'm loosing that too, and how I won't ever talk to her anymore. I guess I just need to give it time, harder said than done though, especially knowing he despises me for something I didn't do.
I've talked to friends, and that helps, but in a way this helps too, posting here. So thanks.

[VeronicaHills]

Of course. I know, it really does help. Being in the same place as a bunch of other hurt soppy people! It sounds like she is copping out. It seems like in true love, this wouldn't be happening. But WTF is true love - anyone know?....

I do a lot of yoga and through it we practice being in the Now. I try so hard to apply what I have learned in yoga to this break up. It is so amazing how all of the negative emotions will immediately dissipate if you just stop THINKING! I am only able to do this for small periods of a time, but hopefully practice makes perfect. For example, while driving, mind racing, emotions flowing, just take a deep breath and perceive what is going on around you and inside of you. Stop using your mind to think about anything- other than what you see, smell, feel..how it feels for your breath to fill up and leave your lungs. Can you feel your blood circulating in your toes? How's that spleen working? Take a second to thank your organs for keeping you alive. LOL I know it sounds silly, but when I can do this for any amount of time, all emotions are completely gone and I am momentarily no longer in hell.

[devonbrown]

Perhaps I am confused, but why did you feel it necessary to tell her ex-roommate the news that you broke up? I am sure this is why your ex-gf is really upset. Because the only thought that makes sense to her is that you did it because you wanted to hit on her. And that you have been thinking about it for a long time. Why else would you call her?
If there is another reason, that is fine, and I am not saying you were necessarily wrong for calling her, but I just don't understand the why and your ex probably doesn't either.

As for getting over her, time is the only answer.

As for your friendship, if it is as strong as you say it is, with time she will allow herself to be friends with you again.

Good luck.