deeply regrettimg a mistake but now bf won't take me back it's over help:(

[musiclover1980]

I don't know if anyone is offended hope it's ok to post. I'm a male who started having a relationship with another male at the end of January 2011 and well the weekend of march 10th, I lied about where I was going and I told my bf I was going to my father's but instead made plans to go over someone's house but didn't cheat but because I lied about it, the bf said he could no longer trust me. I really didn't mean to hurt him. I had went to a grocery store in another town and I had bought food for us to make when I came back home. Well I left the receipts in there and made up a story and he knew something wasn't right about it and it hurt him. So he wouldn't call me and I made an attempt to call him and he said he couldn't trust me anymore so relationship was over. I was so upset and devastated. I had forgotten I was human that next day talked online to get as much help as possible. I had lost sight of myself. I forgot I was human & make mistakes. It took a while for people to convince me. I finally started feeling better called him & we talked and he left me a message Weds March 16th 2011 and I got it when I got home. I think right away I had it in my head oh it must mean he wants to work things out. He said he wanted to be less serious and play pretty much. I noticed that night, we weren't as close we didn't even kiss and he didn't really stay near me much except we had sex but there was no romance involved in it this time. I then called him a day later he said he'd call me again sometime in the near future not sure when. I then last night called him and he said he didn't want to even hang out anymore that he rather have sex with someone he has feelings for and he kept insisting that I go back with a freind who I have no intrest for. But he stayed he would always have in the back of his mind wondering if I was true or not. I did breakdown on the phone as I am an emotional person. It of course didn't help any. I asked if we could be freind he said okay with that. I have since decided if he wants me he'll contact me so I will not be making any attempts to contact him anymore since he doesn't want anything more to do with me. It really hurts cause he inspired me to change for the better and made me feel so confident and worthwhile! We really had magic & he seemed like the perfect person. I'm struggling to regain myself esteem again and am so sad and miserable now.

[HeartIsAching]

Well... I'm not an expert on male/male relationships, but in my opinion, you're screwed. Simply put, he CAN'T trust you anymore. You lied about where you were going, so how can he trust that you're telling the truth when you say you didn't cheat? I certainly wouldn't.

[HeartIsAching]

I'd also venture to guess that you're not really sorry about the mistake you made, but that you got caught.

[gigigi4]

i agree that it's best for you not to contact him at this time- if he wants to be in touch with you and have you in his life, he'll call you. if you call him now, it will make you seem desperate and push him away even further than you already have. even if you didn't physically cheat on him, you broke his trust by lying to him (did you make plans to go to someone's house w/ the intention of cheating w/ that person? i wasn't clear on that). the feeling of being lied to and betrayed by someone you thought you shared love and respect with is probably the worst part of being cheated on, even more than the physical part for a lot of ppl- there are ppl who are ok w/ having non-monogamous or open relationships, but i don't think there's anyone out there who is ok w/ being lied to...i know you're hurting now as well, but i think the best thing is to move on and take this lesson into your future relationships...

[missfishxx]

One thing I've learned is that different people place their trust in someone in different ways. Regardless of how you earned this person's trust, what's important to understand is that you have lost it. While some people are capable of forgiving and trusting again, some people aren't, and that is something that has to be accepted. While you may look at this as something that could be forgiven, he clearly doesn't. You can't force someone to love, trust, respect etc you. It's something that that person always gets to choose on their own. No matter what you do from here, he will do what he wants to. The best thing to do regardless of how much it sucks to do it is to let time do it's thing and move on. It's been said, but if he wants you he'll come to you, if not eventually you'll heal.

[queenofheartsNY]

You need to give him his space and when he forgives you (if! he forgives you) he will come back.

[VincenzoG91]

Trust is crucial to a relationship. Without it, you're just two strangers hanging out from time to time.

[devonbrown]

I agree with all the comments here. Trust is something that has to be earned. If you had earned it previously, you lost it by lying to him (which in his mind is a capital offense). You obviously knew he did not want you to go to the other person's house, which is why you didn't tell him. And the fact that you made up a story about going to your father's house shows that you premeditated the lie, instead of just saying something in the heat of the moment. This is what is bothering him the most. And if he says he can't get past it, unfortunately you have to accept that.

Now, another cliche might be a factor here, that time heals all wounds. Maybe, in time, he will forgive you and want to try to trust you again. But don't count on that and don't stop living your life on that possibility. If he does forgive you, you will still need to earn his trust again, so just concentrate on being honest with him and being his friend for now.

Good luck.

[musiclover1980]

hey guys thanks for posting greatly appreciate it! Just struggling to move on now. Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? I may just go for a walk for a while to help clear my mind. I have lost the desire to do anything lately. Why does my ex bf seem to take everything so calmly while I was so emotionally devastated. I plan on waiting for a while to see what happens in a couple months. It was so special what we once had and it just seems so hard to get past the fact I don't think I can find someone who was as unique and as great a guy as him? How to cope with this and move past it? I know I'm being so over analytical about all this. I've struggled with having to let things go in the past.

[musiclover1980]

I am really sorry for what I did I just made a stupid mistake didn't realize until it was too late and never meant to hurt him but I did and now I'm starting to see things a little clearer since I have gotten a lot of information from online websites and If anything I got from this experience is lying gets you nowhere! I just wish he knew how devastated I am over this and I know he must be feeling the same way but like everyone says here I need to give space and time to him and only if he forgives me if not I just have to learn from this and move on! My intentions weren't to ever hurt him but I been trying to put myself in his shoes what if he did that to me? How would I have felt... It just sucks cause I wonder if i got to emotionally attached or if that's normal to feel this way? The relationship only lasted a month and a half

[HeartIsAching]

Seriously? You couldn't go six weeks without lying/cheating on your BF and you''re "devastated" over it's loss!?

[musiclover1980]

I got an email he said he's over over it so I guess time will tell so I'm gonna just go for now I've left him a few emails and I left a couple poems but don't know if he cares... He doesn't think I loved him and I did but as my mind gets clearer I'll just move on with time but always will wonder what could have been

[musiclover1980]

Well I have done a complete 180 he's over it and now we have decided to stay freinds and play, so I guess you can say freinds with benefits. I can work with that! So now I'm no longer blue and found out he said he had been hurt before in previous relationships in the past is why he didn't easily forgive over it. I can understand but at least we are still freinds! Thanks for all you input. Maybe sometime in the near future who knows in time maybe we can possibly pursue a relationship again but for now we are both happy!
if I've learned anything is lying gets you nowhere and it sure isn't worth it to the person you love and also yourself!
Take care

[devonbrown]

Good luck. Glad that something good came out of the situation.

[musiclover1980]

Well honestly,
The other day I called him & he wanted to get together for sex basically and I went for it but he still doesn't want to give me a second chance says he's gonna start dating again & I need to move and try dating other people so I'm done with trying anymore. I'm not really ready to date anyone new at this time. I just feel like he still has my heart but it doesn't matter anymore since he just doesn't feel the same about me. I can just not contact him cause I have been the one calling him. He hasn't call me so why should I continue this? I'm just gonna take time to just not date for a while see what happens... Let me see if he contacts me after I don't call him.
If not then he isn't going to take me back and I'll have to just move on. I ****ed up a good thing and what self esteem I had is gone with it! I feel just drained of worring and just tired of trying anymore