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Thread: Lack of intimacy

  1. #1
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    Lack of intimacy

    I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, and I love her with all of my heart. I really do. But, the most we've ever done is made out. We're both 18, and we're both one another's first relationship. I brought up the subject once and she said something to the effect of "I know it makes me sound like a little kid, but I just find that kind of thing gross". Eventually in the conversation I brought it up that making out was a sexual thing, and that's why she likes it. Since then, like 4 months ago, we've only done it like once. So I'm assuming she's not wanting to do that because of what I said. I told her to think more about touching or something at least, and that I'd wait for her to bring it up again. Like I said, now it's been like 4 months and I'm sure she's never going to bring it up.
    This is a pretty serious mental block, no? I don't know how to help her, and it's starting to drive me mad. She's had a lot of mental block issues in the past and we've worked through them. She's the shyest person I've ever met, and since we've been together she's gotten past that for the most part. She also has really serious issues with authority to the point that anything authoritative can make her break down and cry. So I know this isn't just something I have to deal with, I know it's something that she can get past. I just don't know where to start without offending her.
    I could also be completely wrong. I don't know. I'm lost.

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    I'd find a new gf.

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    That's not an option. Note: the I love her with all of my heart thing.

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    Then I would get used to not being intimate. You've tried to talk to her about it reasonably, and she punished you by pretty much revoking your make out privileges. She really doesn't sound like a girl that's interested in being sexual.

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    I feel like it's less that and more that she's scared and unsure about the whole thing and still in the "that's dirty and disgusting" little catholic girl mindset.

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    Sexually incompatible people rarely ever work out. She has made clear her feelings on the subject and it's likely that won't change. You can stand by her side and make her see a shrink to get over it, which has the potential to make her feel insulted or last a very long time.
    How long can you live in a relationship with these frustrations?
    You say you love her with all your heart, but try to seriously contemplate a future without any sexual relations. Is she worth that?

    Trust me when I say that love alone isn't always enough.

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    Honestly I've been with her this long, and I can't see myself without her, nor do I want to. So if it comes down to it, yes, I'm completely willing to go without it.

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    She is either
    A. A lesbian
    B. Is not sexually attracted too you.

    You take your pick!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fledgers View Post
    That's not an option. Note: the I love her with all of my heart thing.
    Yes we've all loved our first loves with all our hearts. All of us have since left them and found new loves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fledgers View Post
    still in the "that's dirty and disgusting" little catholic girl mindset.
    Girls with this mindset ALWAYS have this mindset.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fledgers View Post
    So if it comes down to it, yes, I'm completely willing to go without it
    I don't believe you. And if you do accept it now, and never make a post on here again about you not getting any.

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    Well, if you are really willing to go without you must be quite confident of yourself.
    You already say it's driving you crazy... and it's only been a year and a half.

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    This is what alcohol was invented for! Get her drunk, she'll lose her inhibitions and be doing reverse cowgirl before you know it.

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    I wouldn't be with a sexually incompatible person myself.

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