I may need an advice here.

[UnknownLover]

I'm cleary out of my field right now: I'm not a very good english speaker; I'm not an adult; I'm not here to talk about a serious (I mean, it depends) relationship; I'm not here to know how to flirt or how to say a girl I love her.
I am here to ask your help. In order for you to help me I need you to go back to the time you were teens (some or most of you may actually be) and put yourself on the shoes of my friend.
Yes, my friend. Basically I was in love with a girl. Probably this doesn't matter but her father moved away and I think that's why she couldn't trust me.
At the begging it was cool: we were good friends, we hugged each other, she started trusting me. She had a boyfriend and I was jealous but I got over it.
After she left him I admited I liked her and she rejected me. It was ok at first but then the first error: the friendship continued. So I was in love with my best friend who didn't feel the same for me (ok with that) and I kept finding myself over-analysing every single word. Then she started pushing me away and saying that I sent her "wave paines" that hurted her. We could only speak by text messaging. She stopped hugging me, she stopped talking to me in classes. But then she said it wasn't her fault. And she was so sweet....
Then after a while she said she wasn't living to answer my sms (which is stupid because she was always answering without complaining). She ended our friendship without any special reason.
Now at school a "friend" of mine started insulting me and my family, something that I can't admit, and I threatened him. What happens now is pretty simple: she started treating him well (like she has never treated me ever) and calling him "friend" in a matter of days (something that I took weeks to archieve. She puts her arm around his back, she makes everything to be with him and then she says she feels nothing for him... And I feel bad and probably jealous.
Today I pushed her a bit into the edge since my feelings are going too far and killing me and I realized that she thinks I can't take a 'no' as an answer. And when I asked her why she was treating the other guy in a different way she said: "are you (his name)? Then it's justified." What does this mean?
So now when I see them talking I renember when me and her were friends and she never did anything for me. I feel jealously and guilt.
Any ideia why she is doing is? Is she using the other guy to get away from me? Is all this due to the fact I like her? Anyway I can overcome this feelings? Will she talk to me ever again?

[Zabrinah]

Here are my comments/observations:

1. She didn't end the friendship without "any special reason". It was because you were "in love with her" and she didn't feel the same way. She was most likely uncomfortable with that knowledge, and allowed it cloud over everything you two did.

2. You're still over-analyzing way too much now that this new "friend" that you don't get along with has come into the picture. And she knows it. You cannot let their interactions bother you so much. Don't be quick to get frustrated or angry because it's a waste of your God-given energy.

3. You really need to get over her. She's not interested. And she will not change her mind.

4. Just let her go. Your mind and heart wants to keep a hold on her. LET HER GO. Ask yourself some important questions about your relationship with her:

~What does she provide for you in the friendship?

~Can you get that somewhere else?


I'm sure you can move on and find some new friends that don't cause you so much stress.

[UnknownLover]

Thanks... That was helpful... I think.
Anyway I still can't overcome the anger I feel when I see the other guy. And now he insults me using what happened during my friendship with her and was supposed to be somekind of secret.
Also she said she wasn't happy when we were friends. She was with problems and now she isn't, caughting me up in the middle of all that.
Does this sound true? I'm getting really confused and I'm also feeling some pretty strong guilt! I'm beggening to wonder if I was a good friend and stuff like that... help!!!

[smackie9]

Tip: do not be friends with girls you want to date. You like a girl, ask her out. If she says no you just saved yourself a whole lot of heartache. Secondly, never fall in love with someone you are not in a relationship with...that is called obsessing and yes it is very painful to get over as you already figured out. Try liking a girl from a different school. If things don't work out then you don't have to have that rubbed in your face every day or worry about other's getting involved. I dated a guy from my school once, and it turned out to be a huge mistake.....it ruined my year let me tell ya.

[UnknownLover]

Yea but I don't feel anything for her now. But she said that she only started a relationship with me because she was with problems and that she isn't compatible with me anymore as she is more relaxed.
This makes me feel bad and guilty and I don't know how to get by this. She says I am like everyone else but then she doesn't talk to me. Isn't this a contradiction? Is the story of "lot of problems; not compatible with you" just a lie to hide the true reason?

[UnknownLover]

I mean my question is:
Is it possible that she used me? Used me to get by a difficult decision and now that she's back to normal she doesn't talk to me?
Or am I misunderstanding all this?
Not that it does matter a lot. But what do you think?

[smackie9]

Being friend zoned is just that.....like someone said on here, she used you as her emotional tampon. Girls like a lot of attention with out sexual obligation. So they lure you with flirting and touching you, texting you, hang out with you and ya in my day we called them a "cock tease". So take my advice, don't be friends with girls you want to get with.

[raidenfx]

for a girl, there are 3 zones in a relationship.
1. strangers
2. friends
3. special ones

once she has you placed in any one of those zones, it's going to take a lot of control and effort on your part to move. that's why most people say:"if you want to date a girl, do not be a friend with her. once you are in the friend zone. it's pretty much over."

how can you escape that friend zone sand trap?
well most girls love guys who shows the treats of leadership, decisiveness, self-control, ambition, and approval giving. You have to keep yourself away from her for a little while and work on your personal treats that attracts girls (above). physical treat definitely helps.

Stop contacting her for about 2-3 weeks and work on yourself. if you are really in love with the girl, I'm pretty sure you should be willing to do everything in your power to get her approval.
Remember, ACTION speaks louder than words. after the 2-3 weeks break, go ask her out directly. don't be nervous, show her that you are confident in your decision.

good luck to the both of us. Cheers
(It's almost the same thing on my end, 3 more weeks of no contacts.)

[UnknownLover]

Humm yea thank you .
Anyway could you be more clear on what you said? Refering to actions in particular.
Because everything I've been told so far is contraditing. Some say that I should move on, others say I should keep talking on a regular basis with her, others say I need to show her contempt like she's dead to me.
So today we had some intense eye contact between each other (and on the last few days as well) and I'm always the first one to break it since "I need to show her she's dead to me now".
Also some of the words you inserted on your answer are unknown to me in English (yea, I know, I suck). Could you actually do me a favor going further and talk about specific actions? Beside flirting with other girls, having confidence on mylsef (how can I show her that I have confidence and self-control?) and physical training?

[raidenfx]

IGNORE HER, no eye contact, no message, if she says hi, just say hi back and move on.
That's what i mean by keeping yourself away from her.

We want the stuff that we can't have. that's the basic human psychology. cut her out of your life for 3 weeks. Learn to control your emotions, it is a key to success in the future relationships.

As far as treats:
Leadership - try to start a project on your own, and complete it. organize some thing in the class, be a leader, be the alpha male of the group, and have a mind of your own. don't just blindly following orders.
decisiveness - don't sway your decision. it is pretty much, I do what I said.
self-control - learn to control your emotions, be confident on what you are doing.
ambition - have a goal in life. i.e. improve your social skills is your goal, then you have to get out, and make friends.
approval giving - people in general love approvals, it doesn't have to be flirting. i.e. some one you barely know got a 100 on a test. you can go up to them and make friends by saying something like: "wow, great job. etc."
physical - go workout, tone your body.

[UnknownLover]

Hummm but still they keep talking and laughing together, something that I could never do with her 'cause she didn't let me.
Should I hurry up my move or wait the 2 weeks, hoping that their relationship doesn't improve?
Also I told her not to talk to me anymore. And I still get frustated by seeing her looking at him, waiting for him, doing everything to get near him, talking and laughing with him.
I don't know what to do!

[UnknownLover]

Help me please!!! I'm really down and feeling really bad!
I can't look at them without feeling sad, jealois and frustated.
Please help this is being so damn hard!!!!