Do I call it quits or keep hope?

[ejackson88]

So I've been friends with this girl for about 3.5 years, For about 9 months now we've been talking and shes really become one of my favorite people in the entire world. About 2 months ago we started dating, she made it clear from the get go that she was worried I liked her a lot more than she liked me and I would end up hurt, after basically dating but refusing to call it that for about 4 weeks she let me take her out for a "first date." We both had a really great time and things have been good since.

Now about 2 months later she says that were "dating" but thats all, she doesn't want to be exclusive, shes not a relationship type person, and she doesn't see this going anywhere. Im behind the times and/or old fashioned I guess but the whole stage of dating multiple people and not being exclusive is a huge problem for me, but she says shes not seeing anyone else at the time and currently has no desire to. She does sleep over at her guy friends house sometiems which kind of bothers me, but they've been friends a long time and I know nothing is going on but still it feels weird, maybe im just crazy.

So I guess im wondering if anyone out there can give me the boost I need to continue with this?? We are really great friends, I don't want to risk all of that for nothing, plus we have been keeping a secret at work, all the tip toeing around is ok but again if its for nothing in the end then what for? Lastly, of course, if its going to end, its going to be easier on both of us to do it now rather than down the road.

Lastly, just to offer the things that make me keep hope. She is definitely the type of person that just has a problem with tags. For example, when we were dating, constantly going out, kissing, holding hands in public, etc etc etc she was ok with and enjoyed all of that, but if anyone asked if we were dating just the putting of the tag on it really freaks her out. So I feel like maybe a relationship is in the future shes just afraid to call it that? Also, I know her very well and I know for sure she likes me a lot- I truly believe even more than she admits, probably even to herself. And I know she trusts me more than any person in the world. Another thing, is she sometimes talks about the future and its involves us being together, just something like one time she said it'd be funny to no tell people at work until like the 3 year mark, and I just find it odd for someone who truly is disinterested in relationships to think that way?

In conclusion, theres probably a few points to either side that I've forgotten to write here, but basically I think she likes me a lot, has very deep feelings for me, and I think she actually finds herself wanting a relationship with me but that scares her and so she is trying to run me off incase it wouldn't work out, she is trying to protect one or both of us now rather than someone getting hurt down the road. So should I just call it quits and keep one of my best friends in the world, or does it sound like it is worth the risk to keep moving forward, I feel like its way too soon at only the 2 month mark to be having questions like this also, but its really just been weighing on my mind so heavily and stressingme out so much, I need to just talk about it with you all so if your answer is simply, give it some more time then re-evaluate I would understand that also Thx in advance, sorry im longwinded

[reeba]

In the 3.5 years you have known her, has she ever had a serious relationship? What about before then? I'm sure you two have talked about ex's when you were just friends.

Some people protect themselves by doing what she is doing, pretending that they don't care or refusing to give the relationship a label.

Or maybe you have gone too far into the friend category, that she feels awkward. Once you view someone as 'off limits' it is hard to switch to them being your gf/bf and look at them as passionate material.

You just need to have a talk with her, and hope that she is honest with you (not putting up some protective shield).

[ejackson88]

She has had serious feelings in relationships before I know she's basically moved in with a guy before been in love etc but I don't think they've ever been that lengthy? Maybe 4-) months? The last one was probably about a year and a half ago and she considered all of those relationship, she says it's since that last one that she has decided she doesn't do relationships.

As far as being friends for too long. That's something we discussed a lot in the six months prior to starting to date and in dating so far doesn't seem to be an issue that either of us is having but I see your point

Lastly, I agree I think we need to talk about it but I've tried and it doesn't help. In my best explanation of the problem, she is torn without really knowing what she herself feels it's hard for her to talk about it? When I ask why she doesn't do relationships or what changed or any questions really toget to the deep part of whatever the problem is she gets defensive upset and doesn't want to talk about it. But everything I know about her says she's not beige that way to hide anything and she's not doin it to do anything malicious. My true belief is she just doesn't have an answer for many of the questions I have and it makes her feel like I'm pressuring her way too much to feel a certain way

[reeba]

If she was not interested in you, then considering you are long tern friends, she would have had no problem telling you there is no way in hell she is interested in you.

Since she has been showing interest, and slowing warming up to the point that you are now labelled as 'dating' but not in a relationship. I would just leave it at that. Let her ease into the relationship.

From what you are saying about her past, I would think she views herself as being burned. She is just protecting herself and not plunging in 100% right away. Respect that and stop fretting about where is this going. It has only been a couple of months.

I wish I could do what she is doing and date several people casually. I think that is the problem with dating these days. So many people think they need to have sex after a couple of dates, and the way women are usually wired they want it to be exclusive at that point. Then the next thing you know you just invested several years being exclusive with someone that really isn't all that right for you, but since you were exclusive you never had a chance to figure that out.

[ejackson88]

Fair enough thats kind of what I've been thinking. Thanks so muchfor taking the time to read my useless drivel . Sincerely thanks to all