I FELL for this girl but it is a challenge to how to proceed !

[oneharleyrocker]

I was having a party over at my place few weeks ago and this girl showed up along with a female friend of mine.
First I wasn't paying her much attention until later and we started having pleasant and flirty conversation, dancing and all.. Without going through details we got along very nicely and she ended up spending the night over and we had great time.
Next day we spent the whole day together and then she left home.

This girl happens to live 40% of the time in the same city as mine while working from Monday to Thursday in a different city (200miles away) where she stays at her sister's.

The weekend after she joined me again and spent the whole weekend with me at my place and left again on Sunday to her place.
I confessed to her that I really like her. She admitted that she likes me a lot too, but she doesn't want to rush into the next relation as she has too much going on in her life.. We exchanged a couple of sms during the week after but we haven't met.. In the meantime she didn't respond to one of my SMS and wrote to me a PM on facebook saying the following :

Sorry That i haven't been in contact but I had a stressy week. I don't know how I should tell you, but between us is momentarily too much. I am currently in a phase where I am going through a lot, need to transform my professional life, starting with further studies.
Anyhow, between us is currently not possible to have a second person in my life who I can build up with and I have the feeling that you want more from me than i can give. I notice that it stresses me, even though it is not your fault but mine, as I get the feeling of getting constricted too fast.
I am really sorry and don't want to be bad because you are very very nice but I cannot at the moment.
Hope you can understand and are not upset. Kisses....

I didn't waste time after that message and picked up the phone to speak to her and took it lightly and had a long conversation with her, saying that I am sorry if I put pressure on her or gave her the feeling of doing so as it wasn't my intention. I really don't want to stress you but I was straight forward and admitted that I really do like you and maybe I shouldn't have done so, but instead played with you the hard to get games.. and we started having a laugh...
I also mentioned to her that the fact is that I do like her but don't have the intention of stressing her, as I understand what she is going through, instead, I want to be supportive and understanding.. I suggested we continue keeping in contact and meeting (if possible) without any expectations and see where things go without any promises... She agreed more or less.. Last week she had to stay away with her sister at the other city where she works and is supposed to return on coming weekend to her place (same city where I live) I have never been in such a situation before to be honest, and she confuses me now with if I should write to her or not.. should I stay in touch or should I give her space and make her feel that I am away ??
I don't usually open to many girls that easily and this one I obviously fell for and didn't hide it from her.. I am a bit straight forward when it comes to matter of the heart, after all I am in my late 30's.. so what is the idea of wasting time..

I would love to hear what you people think or what kind of advise you have to give...


Thanks for your input.. Regards from Austria

[Confused lover]

Say you can't live
Without her and you love her

[sprotz]

I think it is better to give her space, and let her come to you. If she is still difficult, that means she is more interested in her prospects than in you. Personally I prefer a girl that puts everything else aside and commits to me, loves me and cares for me, like there's no tomorrow. By the way, I bet there are cute girls in your country

[steviej]

You and her are (emotionally) in very different places. The chances of this going wrong further down the line are high, the sensible advice is to walk away, but i know you won't do that!

You need to keep things fun and light, when she comes over take her out, have a great time and get her to associate that with you. Be affectionate but not over bearing or like a puppy, you need to be the dominant one and have her develop feelings for you, whilst you keep yours hidden (for the time being)
Beware though, if/when she develops feelings she may pull right back and cut all contact with you because it'll scare her, she'll over think her situation with regards to you, work and study and decide that she can't manage all 3.
Enjoy it while it lasts, but i'm very sceptical it has the ability to go the distance.

[oneharleyrocker]

Don't think so.. that will only stress her more

[oneharleyrocker]

I think you are right and maybe with me on top it will be too much more than she can handle at once at least for now!
I surely love a girl who also opens up and let go, investing all her emotions in a relationship..
By the way, girls here are fine but in your country they are out of this worldddddd!

[oneharleyrocker]

That's my Inner feeling Steviej! I think I hould have played with her games to get her more interested and not opening to her right away the way I did.. I am going to give her the cold shoulder and let her see the other side of me now... It might backfire though, don't you think?

[steviej]

I wouldn't exactly go cold shoulder, just if she messages you about the weekend suggest going out, have fun but don't get all heavy emotionally, be a bit affectionate without being over the top. Once she's gone only respond when she messages you, don't chase her.

[Blackheart]

It was just a fling and you shouldn't fall too much for her because I'm sure that she thinks it's a fling. Try to continue the fling and leave it at that. If you want to have a relationship with her try not to give her that much attention and I'm sure she will wonder why and come back to you strong

[oneharleyrocker]

Thanks Stevie! That's what I meant by saying cold shoulder, I won't be writing her anymore (unless she writes to me) and even then I will try not to reply to her instantly (If no emergency). She knows that I like her but she also doesn't know that I function differently than her and might lose interest in her just for her being the way she is..

[oneharleyrocker]

BlackH, I been a fling guy myself for the last 3 years.. not once have I gone to spend a full weekend with a fling and surely not 2 weekends consequently.. You might be right though.. but as I wrote above, I doubt I will be trying to get in contact with her anymore and surely will keep it casual, maybe even spice it up flirting with other girls in her presence..