Recently broke up with my girlfriend... i'm so lost that i need guidance, please.

[mymy]

Friday last week my girlfriend and I had an emotional break up, she ended it. We dated for 3 years, and spent quite a bit of time together.

When she broke up with me she was balling her eyes out, it happened over the phone.

Some history prior - I started my own business about 2 years ago, and with any new start up there is a lot of work, and stress. I have poor time management and can't deal with stress very easily... this all conflicted with our relationship, I couldn't see her as much and there was always tension here and there. We would fight constantly, but always overcame it. She is a wonderful person and has always shown me love, even if i didn't reciprocate it while being stressed out.

She has always made extra effort on our relationship. Sometimes we exchange rude comments to each other but always find ways to ease the hurt and make things better. I might not have been all there the last little while being so over stressed. So she broke it off, I went to see her the next night to talk in person she agreed with little hessitation.

I went to her house, candles were lit in her bedroom, we talked.. I was still shocked from the night before so she did a lot of talking. I didn't do any begging or pleads to take me back. Things got quite intense and we started kissing a lot and it was very passionate, it felt like a dream was taking place with what was happening... I told her that I wanted to make love to her.. and we started undressing each other then someone came home.

We ended up leaving after her mother arrived and we went for coffee to talk some more... she said that she doesn't know what she wants and that what I want has become different from what she wants. She said that she loves me very much and cares about me very much and that she wants to see me and talk to me, that she can't have me disappear from her life. I forgot to mention that she was crying her eyes out most of the time at her house and in the car. We went back to her place....

it was around 1:30am... she went inside to get something her mom put together for me. I waited about 5 minutes and started crying... i didn't wait for her to come back out i went up to the door and as i walked up she opened the door and saw me crying, we hugged and she told me to come in, we sat on the couch and she fell asleep on me. I woke her up and told her to go to bed because she was working in the morning and I had to drive home ( we live about 35mins from each other) We kissed to end the night.

The next day she sent me an offline msg on MSN saying Hi. I didn't get her msg until later that night and I msged her back saying HI sunday. I didn't get a reply so i txt msged her saying HI sunday night in the AM..well i guess monday in the am. She hasn't responded. I don't know what to do from here.. I want to profess my love and tell her that I will make drastic changes... but i fear shes going to say how many times have we gone through and fought about it. I don't want to lose her as a lover. Should I try calling her? What should I do? I know she is upset right now about this, she is 10x more emotional than I am. Is this a fight im going to lose? please I need advice... thank you so much for reading..

[Maple1714]

I feel that when a girl/woman ends a relationship it's for good. Like you said, she is more emotional than you...so she must know when her feelings are gone. It sucks...and its not easy for either person to go through a break up. If you feel like professing your love then you should. Always say what is in your heart, even if nothing changes or comes of it. It's good to get things off your chest sometimes and lay it all out in the open.

[mymy]

I've had a lot of time to think about things and think about all the mistakes that were made. I feel like i'im a completely different now even though its only been a week. I called and txted once since last friday. She hasn't replied to either, so I know shes trying really hard to be strong... BUT I feel like I should fight for her, at least I tried... I want to swing things back around and I'm unsure if giving her "time" will help. I guess there is no wrong or right answer. I am unsure, but I am sure that I still love her a lot and I want to make drastic changes to how things were done previously. I am unsure of how to go about this... or if I should just leave her and maybe wait for her to contact me? She still has all my pictures up on her FB, all the msgs saying I love her on her wall... etc. Thoughts anyone?

[mymy]

So here is an update

I sent her a txt message today saying "We need to talk"

she didn't respond for a while, then I decided to try and get under her skin I said "how is it so easy for you to let me go?" and she responded right away saying

"mymy this isn't easy for me" So I began to text her.

When she broke up with me I was in shock, she did most of the talking... i did the listening. A week later I have regained my thoughts and am ready to tackle it to see if we can resolve anything and work something out while giving her some time and space?.

In the text msg I pretty much said that there are some things left unsaid and that I would like to see her. She replied with

"what was left unsaid? we left things like adults" and she went on to say

"i need my laptop back and some other things that are in your closet. I don't think its fair that its left there in front of you as a reminder. i also need to give you a few things. So we need to get together at some point soon. We can also talk then. I will see about us meeting somewhere on Sunday if you're available then"


Can someone please help me here. I don't know what this means... that shes ready to talk, but doesn't wanna seem vulnerable? so she throws in the whole "laptop things" or is it she doesn't care and is ready to hammer the final nail in the coffin and no matter what I say wont make a difference?

If I come with a strong fight, do you think its possible I can turn this around?

PLEASE WOMEN.. HELP

[Maple1714]

I am sorry to say, but there is no hope. She wants to get her stuff back and continue to move on. Like I said before, when a woman moves on...it's usually for good She is just saying that she will talk to you when she sees you...prob. to just let you get out whatever it is you think was left unsaid so you can try and move on. She is just being polite and nice in saying you can talk.If you try to convince her to get back together with you, you will more than likely just annoy her. Break-ups are the worst and I am sorry you have to go through this. We all try and hold on to some hope and think that if we say the right things at the right time it will make a difference. Just give the whole thing some serious time and space...leave it alone...and I mean time in months/years. Who knows what the future will hold.

[mymy]

Thank you everyone for all your responses and words of encouragement and honesty.

I have a pretty big update.

So in my last thread I told you guys that we were going to meet up on sunday. Well we met up and I was on my A game, being upbeat, talking a lot, cracking jokes, etc. We talked about what went wrong and I told her my piece that I didn't get to say when we broke up the week before. After our coffee I suggested that we go to a martini house that we always used to go to, she agreed. We got appetizers, I had a few drinks, she had one. Neither of us were under the influence, we talked some more.. at the end of it we got pretty close, we were kissing and after the place closed we went for a drive.

She started talking to me a lot more since then, we met up on wednesday and spent the day together, we ended up having sex, and thursday she came over and we spent the day together again. We aren't back together, but she has already begun to talk about things she has planned for us over the course of the summer. i don't have my hopes up high, but to me it does look good. I don't want to get ahead of myself here.

Some advice that I have followed is the no contact and when engaged in conversation keep cool, be upbeat, show them what they will be missing. Other than that every situation is different and I believe that you should go with what you feel in your heart and that is just what I did.

[bubabalo]

mymy I'm so happy for you. If you can uptade your story.
She clearly still love you and I think if you stood up by her and show that you love her and you are willing to change she will give you another chance.
Good luck dear.

[crazyheart91]

I am so happy for you, bro. I know exactly how you felt. It is such an amazing feeling when you realize that there is hope for a relationship. I wish you both the best.