Don't know what to make of this girl's behaviour (apologies if too long)

[silencekit]

There's a girl I'm interested in at college, who I've been speaking to for about two months (we've been at college since September). Before she was somewhat of a background character because she came across as a bit shy. I'd only spoken to her a few times in small talk, but then she started talking to me. She also added me on Facebook.

So the next month or so we'd be talking a bit more. My birthday's in October, hers is in November and so I made one joke about having a joint birthday party. She'd bring this idea up a few times. She even once randomly passed a note to me in lesson saying "I'm looking forward to our joint party!". Notably around her friends, especially her male friends, she'd be a bit more distant but would still make conversation. We'd give each other smiles in lessons. One time in English I said something to the teacher about artistic license, the teacher said I made a good point and I saw her lean forward and give me a thumbs up and a smile.

She asked me to choose to go to the University that she plans to attend. I also mentioned that I intend to go travelling when I finish uni and she said "oh, I might have to come with you then!". Another thing is that she would remember small things I tell her, such as the brand of cigarettes I smoke, or what I'm doing over the weekend. Once I asked her what bands I'm into, and she mentioned a few bands, all of whom happened to be listed on my Facebook. I then mentioned a band she happened to like and she said "oh, I love them!".

Also, she'd laugh at a lot of my jokes.

Then one day after lesson we both got a bus into town together, which she asked me to. When she got off, I gave her a one armed friendly hug, nothing too intimate.

The following week we were waiting outside college and she came up with her guy friend. Usually she'd come and talk to me but she just gave a wave and a smile and spoke to someone else stood nearby. Then later on that day me and a few people from my class were sat at the next table on from her and her friends. She waved and smiled at me twice, then when me and my friends left she stopped me to ask where I was going. In the following lesson I was in with her, she did the usual occasional smile, laugh at the occasional joke I'd tell. She also commented on my shoes, since me and her were both wearing Converse.

Now the next day me, her and two of her guy friends went for a drink after lesson. As this was half term a few others from college were planning to go for some drinks. I invited her and she gave me her number. But when we got to the bar, I noticed she was being less talkative towards me, as in, she wasn't initiating conversations. However, I did announce that I was going for a cigarette and she quickly joined me. But then the second time I was going, she said something like "oh, these cigs are costing me money!" as if she thought I was inviting her out with me, which I guess I subtly was! I jokingly said back "well I didn't invite you!". She responded by pretending to take offence, and I apologised, but this may have made me look a bit needy. One of her guy mates said I was "hinting at something". Nonetheless I didn't go for the cig in the end.

I sent her a text asking if she was up for coming out and she didn't reply. The next time I saw her at College, last Thursday, I was waiting outside and she came upto me. She almost seemed quite nervous. I asked her if she got my text about the night out and she said no, but she was busy over half term anyway. She then opted to go inside, and I went in with her.

Later that day I was doing work in the library and I saw her outside smoking with two other girls. She seemed reasonably pleased to see me and told me to "stand closer", but when the other two girls were talking amongst themselves she seemed quite shy and nervous and hesitant to start conversation, so I did. In the next lesson I decided for some reason to avoid eye contact with her although we'd say the odd thing to each other about our work. I did notice she seemed quite down in the lesson. But at the end she gave me a wave goodbye and a smile.

The next day our class went into the library to do some work, but me and her were waiting outside because we were smoking. Again she seemed nervous to initiate conversation so I did. Later on I went out for another cig. She stopped to ask where I was going, and asked if I would meet her (and her friends) in the canteen. That day she would again laugh at the occasional joke I'd make but when it was hometime she again seemed quite down. She said "see you later, have a good weekend" to me but it was in quite a nonchalant, almost nervous type manner.

She was happy to joke with the mutual friends we share, even asking to wear one of their pairs of glasses, but around me personally she was a bit more shy.

So I was just wondering what people made of this?

[lahnnabell]

You guys are both crazy nervous because you're not sure what the other person is thinking. Her behavior toward the beginning seemed a bit obsessive, so I could see how you'd want to tread carefully. I think it's time to bite the bullet and talk to her. But FIRST, how DO you feel about her? Is she someone you want to date? If she is, then ask her out already, and quit it with this stupid dance.

[silencekit]

I like her quite a lot, she doesn't strike me as a "hump and dump" type (for want of a better term) but she makes it frustrating for me how she blows hot and cold.

I don't think she came across as obsessive at first though, just friendly/flirtatious with the occasional subtle sign of interest.

[lahnnabell]

Either way, you like her. Ask her out. 'Cause you're losing man points.

[silencekit]

My plan is to get her on a group night out first and see where it goes from there?

Does she sound interested though? Or, she used to be but has gone off me for whatever reason?

[lahnnabell]

My plan is to get her on a group night out first and see where it goes from there?

Does she sound interested though? Or, she used to be but has gone off me for whatever reason?

OMG. Stop dancing! This is why nothing has gotten off the ground. You keep waiting for this opportunities, but you have to MAKE an opportunity. She sounded interested, but is probably a bit put off by your "hot and cold" too. Get over it already!

[silencekit]

Thing is I've tried making small talk with her at times recently, last Thursday I commented on her converse shoes and she didn't say much.

[lahnnabell]

You may have screwed yourself already. Sounds like she's quite put off by your lack of reciprocation. No self-respecting person wants to be with an indecisive one. Either way, stop making small talk and ASK HER OUT. I don't know to make it any more crystal clear.