Is wrong for to ask her to loose wieght?

[4jms]

I've been dating this girl for about 1.5 years. She is 19 with a 5 year old. When I met her she was a bit "large", I looked past it, but as the relationship when on I made began hinting she should loose weight. When she continued to get larger I straight out told her she need to loose weight, she didn't take it so well. Any way months later she still has little or no motivation to eat healthy or exercise. Im quite skinny and like to be active, spend time out doors.

I've opened my home to this 19 year old single mother and her child. I'm willing to give her a new career at my father's business that will double her current earnings. She's working a crap job making 10 something an hour right now.

Is it wrong for me to ask her to "diet and exercise do a little cooking and cleaning once i a while"

Wouldn't most women in her position kill for an opportunity like this?

[vertical_sky]

Yes, it would be very wrong.

She was large when you met her and started dating her, which means either you were attracted to her and have since changed your mind, or choose to enter into a relationship with someone who you thought you could change. A loving relationship means accepting your partner for who they are and NOT striving to change them. They will only change when they THEMSELVES feel they should. If they are perfectly happy with who they are, then you pushing to achieve what YOU want will only result in resentment and hurt.

And no, most women WOULDN'T kill for an opportunity like this. What they would kill for is an opportunity to be financially independent and have a guy who loves and accepts them for who they are, not who uses a job opportunity to control and change them.

It sounds to me like you were never that into her; your whole tone seems to suggest you were somehow doing her a favor by dating her because she's overweight, has a child, etc. Do her another favor: break up with her.

[Mangochan]

Lose not loose. Sorry. It's driving me crazy.

Weight is sensitive for a lot of women. You have to tread carefully.

It's not wrong to ask her to lose weight but you did it wrong. What would have been more effective is to have asked her to come do something with you. Go on a walk around the park or up and down the street with her and her son. If she doesn't want to go, do your best to convince her how much fun it is. Afterwars, tell her that you were really happy she came with you and perhaps give her a passionate kiss. This shows that you still care for her. Start small and get bigger. Ask her to go on hikes or jogs or runs. Try running a 5k together. Even if she has to walk the whole way, it's a great feeling to accomplish. Maybe even walk it with her so you can develop a closer bond. Once she starts getting into it, she'll be more willing to do things and lose weight on her own. Just don't antagonize her about it. Be encouraging and always tell her how much it means to you when she does things with you and once she starts losing weight, compliment her efforts.

As far as eating healthy and cooking. Make it a team effort! Tell her someone at work gave you this great recipe. You'll prepare the meat if she'll prepare the veggies. Cook together and, if you can get the kid to a friend's house or something, have a romantic night together. Finish a romantic, healthy dinner with a romantic moonlit walk, perhaps? And then maybe "dessert" ;p

Cleaning can also be a team effort thing. And, again, give her praise after. Most women are more likely to do things to get praise. If they are berated (or blatantly called fat) they won't be as willing. What's the point? You're just gonna be mad at her anyways.

But definitely do things together to get her started. That way she won't feel alone. I'm sure she's already self conscious being overweight with a skinny man.

[SelflessnHumble]

You dun goofed pal.

See, you met her when she was overweight.
Obviously you didn't have the balls to tell her you don't date "large" women, so now that you have chosen to: you can't expect her to lose weight for you.

Is it wrong to ask her to lose (not loose) weight? No, it's not.
This all depends on how you ask as well as the "why" for doing so.

You like to be active, spend time outdoors and you're skinny.
SHE likes to what? Eat? She obviously has a child to take care of. Do the math.

I ask you this: What values are you instilling in her while she stays in your generously opportune home?
What foods are you buying, or allow her to buy that comprise a healthy diet indicative of someone who wishes to lose weight in the first place?

Is she supposed to show her appreciation for your kindness in allowing her to stay in your home = the job your Dad is giving her
by losing weight, and cooking and cleaning? You don't negotiate a woman's worth as if it were a business transaction.


Now...if SHE has no motivation to eat healthy or exercise: NOT YOUR PROBLEM dude. This is her problem
If she wishes to be an overweight McDonald's eating single mother and jip her 5 year old of a healthy mother/lifestyle because it's all she knows: you either need to
show and involve her how to be more healthy OR: you need to get rid of her period.

I suspect if you truly cared about her your title would have read:

How do I ask my woman to lose weight and become more healthy? Hopefully I'm wrong.

IN the end dude it's easy to complain isn't it.
What are YOU doing to help her with something she has battled for such a long time?

[Ric]

No, it's not wrong. However, the way you tell her might be wrong. Don't say she needs to lose weight so directly. Say you are worried for her health and maybe worried for the activity in your future later, and then do some activity together and help her get a proper diet.

[4jms]

It just seems like I've made it clear for the past year she needs to lose weight and she still eats fattening foods. I asked her to eat slower, eat smaller portions, i buy an exercise machine but she's too tired to use it. Tired? she sits behind a computer all day!

Im skinny,and constantly working on things, the only time i have to exercise with her would be weekends. I need to eat fattening foods. She just doesn't have the motivation and myself being extremely motivated - it drives me crazy.

She can't keep up with her son and I. I can't enjoy the physical activities I'd like to because she gets tired after bicycling a half mile. Not to mention problems of sexual arousal or what about health problem in the future.

I just dont understand how someone can let themselves develop a belly that hangs over your belt or fat that sags over your bra strap. Common get off your ass and stop eating so much what is so hard about that! I don't get it.

I mean honestly how many guys want a broke ass girl who pumped out kid at age 14? I feel like Im offering her a great opportunity, all she has to do is diet and exercise, help me out a little around the house, thats it. Just look decent, be responsible.

Is that too much to ask, really!?

[vertical_sky]

I mean honestly how many guys want a broke ass girl who pumped out kid at age 14? I feel like Im offering her a great opportunity, all she has to do is diet and exercise, help me out a little around the house, thats it. Just look decent, be responsible.

Is that too much to ask, really!?

Just break up with her already, as it's clear you have no respect to her as a human being.

[4jms]

and she wouldnt have low self esteem if she wasnt fat for god sakes. Iam embarrassed to introduce her to my friends and family.

People judge to quick. She 's a great girl inside but general response i get is "wow dude you could do so much better"

[4jms]

Honestly Ive tried being nice and gentle, suggestive in the past and it didn't work now im being blunt.

[Kaius]

A 14 year old girl having a baby. Clearly she has been insecure all her life, and the weight just contributes to this vicious cycle.
You are not the one to help her get out of this. This is a life-long issue.

If you want her to lose weight so she looks hotter, that's wrong.
If you want her to lose weight so she can be healthy, and not die early, that's okay.

It depends on how you put it. I'm sick of people trying to be hyper-sensitive in protecting someone's feelings.
I'd rather see her feelings hurt than see her dead in 10 years.

[Petit Papillon]

19 yo mother of a 5yo kid? Wow, she started pretty early... Well if she`s seriously fat, I don`t see why you shouldn`t ask her to loose weight . It`s for her own sake! Does she want to die at 25 of a heart arrest or something else? I don`t see why is it so bad telling people to take care of their own fat ass,it`s for their sake. I don`t care about how people look , but it is unhealthy. And your gf, she doesn`t have to become a Kate Moss or whatever, but there are limits ... I don`t know how fat she is, but from your post, I assume she`s pretty obese, cause if not, I don`t think it would bother you so...

[4jms]

I wouldnt say she's obese but her flabby arms, fat hangs over her bra strap and pants. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't completely opposite body style. i just feel like we look rediculous together( visually speaking)

[vertical_sky]

Gee, it really sounds like you think she's a great girl. Embarrassed to introduce her to your friends, bitches about her being fat and having low self esteem, and thinking she should feel HONORED that you deigned yourself to lower your standards and date a woman WITH A CHILD... who is FAT!

Maybe the reason she has low self esteem is because she's dating an ass like you.

[SelflessnHumble]

It just seems like I've made it clear for the past year she needs to lose weight and she still eats fattening foods. I asked her to eat slower, eat smaller portions, i buy an exercise machine but she's too tired to use it. Tired? she sits behind a computer all day!

You've made it clear: she hasn't made the decision to make the change. NOT YOUR ****ING CHOICE. GOT IT?
Your choice is? To get the fark out of the relationship and ask her to leave. Stop pussy footing around the issue.

She makes excuses because she knows that you bringing an exercise machine to the house means
you mean business and she is NOT ready to begin a new regimen...and lose weight.

She won't do it for herself....WHY is she going to do it for you? Exactly. She won't.

Im skinny,and constantly working on things, the only time i have to exercise with her would be weekends. I need to eat fattening foods. She just doesn't have the motivation and myself being extremely motivated - it drives me crazy.

Stop playing the violin dude. Just stop it. You are you and she isn't you.
Just because you have the motivation, doesn't mean she does, nor ever will.

Either accept this and move on or? Be prepared to resent her more and more with each new passing pound.
At that point: IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT, not hers.

She can't keep up with her son and I. I can't enjoy the physical activities I'd like to because she gets tired after bicycling a half mile. Not to mention problems of sexual arousal or what about health problem in the future.

Not your problem. You aren't the kid's father. Do the math sir!

14 when she had the kid + no father in sight + she is overweight = you're a fool for getting involved with someone
you KNEW was fat to begin with and I suspect you used her situation to bed her. Cowards do this shit.

I just dont understand how someone can let themselves develop a belly that hangs over your belt or fat that sags over your bra strap. Common get off your ass and stop eating so much what is so hard about that! I don't get it.

I just don't understand that such a strapping intellectually sound young man such as yourself could entertain such
an immature, unstable and insecure little girl who has a 5 yr old, especially when they are physically the polar opposite of
you? I mean WTF?????????

I mean honestly how many guys want a broke ass girl who pumped out kid at age 14? I feel like Im offering her a great opportunity, all she has to do is diet and exercise, help me out a little around the house, thats it. Just look decent, be responsible.

Is that too much to ask, really!?

If you don't see what she has to offer then GTFO of the relationship and kick her out. Simple really.

You are offering her an opportunity? Thank you modern day Jesus! She should
kiss your smelly ass feet, and lick your teets because of this great, selfless gift you've kindly bestowed upon this
uh what did you call her, "broke ass" girl who's also a fat single mother?

Sure, it's easy to bitch, moan and complain about someone else BUT:

YOU CHOSE TO BE WITH HER, and INVITED THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A PERSON INTO YOUR HOME!!!!

Now tell me....What does this say about you? Ouch, huh?

and she wouldnt have low self esteem if she wasnt fat for god sakes. Iam embarrassed to introduce her to my friends and family.

People judge to quick. She 's a great girl inside but general response i get is "wow dude you could do so much better"

No one is judging you. Your actions speak volumes for your feelings for her.
Your version of a relationship is a sad, joke...played at her expense.

You're embarrassed of her too? Wow.
So...you can do so much better?

THEN DO IT. I bet the very reason for getting with this girl was because she was

-easy, vulnerable and highly insecure about herself. Tell me different...I know you can't.

[4jms]

It just seems like I've made it clear for the past year she needs to lose weight and she still eats fattening foods. I asked her to eat slower, eat smaller portions, i buy an exercise machine but she's too tired to use it. Tired? she sits behind a computer all day!

Im skinny,and constantly working on things, the only time i have to exercise with her would be weekends. I need to eat fattening foods. She just doesn't have the motivation and be being extremely motivated - it drives me crazy.

She can't keep up with her son and I. I can't enjoy the physical activities I'd like to because she gets tired after bicycling a half mile. Not to mention problems of sexual arousal or what about health problem in the future.

I just dont understand how someone can let themselves develop a belly that hangs over your belt or fat that sags over your bra strap. Common get off your ass and stop eating so much what is so hard about that! I don't get it.

I mean honestly how many guys want a broke ass girl who pumped out kid at age 14? I feel like Im offering her a great opportunity, all she has to do is diet and exercise, help me out a little around the house, thats it. Just look decent, be responsible.

Is that too much to ask, really!?