active and fun sex life BUT why is porn still an issue

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

*reposted from intimates forum*

Hi All,

I have asked about porn issue before but I feel that now things are advancing and getting very interesting and exciting between me and my other half I feel that i have to ask this question.

Me and my partner have started to steam things up where our sex lives are concerned, we've recently started exploring bondage, we've brought more sex toys are are getting into role plays too. To say our sex is good is an understatement.

However, I still have this issue re porn. I look at it, so does he. We watch it together, not full vids but stuff on the internet to get us in the mood, we do things like this throughout the night and we have fun whilst doing it. I know he looks at porn, he knows I do, and he doesnt mind that I watch it. He even knows that I pleasure myself when the need arises when he's not home, again, he doesnt mind (well he doesnt show he minds, and tells me it doesnt bother him) But the thought of him doing it and watching it when im not around upsets me to some degree. I dont understand why I am being like this.

Please, any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[HeartIsAching]

It's because you're insecure.

[SelflessnHumble]

You are self conscious
Inherently insecure.
Jealous.
Selfish (because YOUR view of pron supersedes HIS)

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

How do I get over this then?

I don't doubt that I'm insecure slightly but I don't know why.
I know he loves me and wants to be with me.

[Anturo]

How do I get over this then?

I don't doubt that I'm insecure slightly but I don't know why.
I know he loves me and wants to be with me.

You just let it be.

You could talk to him about it, tell him your insecurities but it won’t stop it, he will only then hide it.

If it’s causing a problem in your sex life then it’s a problem. If your sex life is fine then let the man be and forget it.

If you can’t forget it then maybe you need to find another man who doesn’t like porn.

Yes, there are those out there who don’t (Not many) but they are out there.

You are also very hypocritical in that, you say you watch it yourself, yet you don’t want him too?

It’s one of those things that just shouldn’t matter that much.

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

I agree with all you've said. I am being a hypocrit. I honestly don't want to feel like this about him viewing things like that but it comes down to my own insecurity and dealing with it then putting it to bed for good.
He clearly knows I don't like him viewing porn but because I view it when alone he takes no notice (not in a bad way) he just says it's a man thing, which I agree with.
I absolutely hate that I feel this way about it because I would much rather him do that and know he's faithful (not that he ever gets the chance to do anything) than find abit of floosy fun elsewhere.
I doubt I'm the first and certainly won't be the last woman to feel this way.

[Anturo]

I doubt I'm the first and certainly won't be the last woman to feel this way.

Probably not.

But I doubt porn is going to go away either.

So, now it's time to either, accept the fact that he is going to do it and love him anyways.

Or go find another man who is not into it.

I don’t think you are going to leave him so you must find a way for you to over come this.

Quite frankly, it’s not that serious.

[Kaius]

Porn is a fantasy. It's all about physical sex and arousal, and very little emotions involved.
If you and you partner have a purely sexual relationship, then sex is a nice supplement.
But if you have a deep emotional love relationship, porn can actually do harm, as the fantasy
and reality gets blurred when you are having intimacy together.

[Dan555]

You can suck him off all you want, but as somebody mentioned earlier, guys want to jerk off every single day, and porn is just visual stimuli.

So unless you give him sex every single day, which you obviously can't do, he'll want to keep watching porn. And even if you do blow him every day he'll want to keep watching porn. . . that's just male nature, and it won't make him feel less attached to you. It's completely normal and I'd just be understanding and live with it.

[SelflessnHumble]

How do I get over this then?

I don't doubt that I'm insecure slightly but I don't know why.
I know he loves me and wants to be with me.

Of course he loves you.
You're the one with the issue.

Why? Could be many reasons why...Here are just a few:

-Your view of sex is between you and your partner, not a porn movie of fake moaning, "movie" cum and potentially featuring a hotter woman than you portrayed/degraded as a sex toy.
-You've somehow got it into your head this is a form of cheating.
-You require 100% sexual attention on you at all times. Any deviation results in your insecurity being poked and Ego bruised.
-You've experience some sort of sexual abuse in your past and this reminds you of it?

I mean no matter the reason: you have got to understand one VERY important thing:

Most men (and women) fantasize about other (hotter and sexier) people either while doing you OR seeing someone hot on the street, at the market or wherever.
Instead of cheating on you, he wants to merely watch sexual intercourse because he could be a voyeur, or is a sex addict.

OR: (most common reason) Men love variety. Men love watching women get spanked, grabbed, choked and other stuff censored here.

Now, since the reason doesn't matter, what does matter?
You have a problem with it.

Should be change for you? Nope.
Should you change for him? Nope.
The answer is clear. You cannot be with this man and shouldn't OR?

KNOW you're intelligent, beautiful, loving, sexually confident and enjoy watching porn.
Otherwise this type of internalization will seep into other facets of your life. -Resentment comes from that.

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

Selflessnhumble,

Thankyou for putting it that way. After Reading your post it's kind of hit home that yes, I feel it's a form of him cheating on me which I know he'd never physically do, we are planning on marrying next year and I know with his past he must love me to do so.

I know the way I feel/think are irrational at times and I wish these feelings weren't there. I suppose I'm not used to a man being so open about porn with me. I know I can't knock him for this though.