I sent him *pictures* and everything changed. . .

[FlawedDesign]

Is it possible that maybe you had a real connection. I mean 11 years? Come on, then you guys start going in the courting direction and sex and you give him topless pics.


Go for it. Don't hesitate. Any guy would be crazy not to and this guy may be awe-struck by the fact that he struck gold

Not to sound too full of myself, but I'd like to think so. I am not exactly ugly and there are all these assumptions about online daters. It's only long distance, because he is stuck under a job contract for a few more months. And we didn't exactly meet on a dating site either.
I have been busy most of my life getting 4 post secondary degrees and dating wasn't a priority. Now I am ready and he has everything I look for in a guy.
And I find it hard to believe he'd spend hours on end talking to me for a topless pic so that he could sell to make money!?

[FlawedDesign]

So what are you saying? You don't want this guy? I just don't get women. There are men out there checking off all the requirements in the long shit-list of things left and right and this guy has been filling the requirements for 11 years on you which he may see as an amazing investment that netted him everything he has ever wanted and now you are not interested? Is that what you are saying? I am lost completely as to what you want. What changed is he has an opportunity to really get on with it and wants to but now there is fine print at the bottom of the checklist?

Sorry, i don't know where you got "Not interested".
I was merely trying to suggest, i am not desperate to keep him. I like him a lot, but the picture wasn't a "please take me!" kind of deal.

[FlawedDesign]

My initial question could be rephrased this way " Does he think i am a slut b/c I posted those pictures? Is it possible a man might feel something other than that, something more positive for such pictures?"
I don't know, it is late and I am tired.
Hope I am making sense.

[Mr. Turtle]

No it doesnt, not after 11 years and the kind of speak you talk about. It more or less is a positive thing if he can put something more physical into his mind. Doesnt make you a slut. Makes you a person who sent a guy you trust and possibly like a picture.

[eonbar]

im surprised no ones said pics or it didn't happen...
...so im saying it now

[xxazurexx]

what you said wasn't a caution, it was a statement without even a caveat. Seriously some of the long time posters on this site need to stop puting so much importance onto their own opinions, just admit your statement was overly blatant and ignorant

Read into what you will kid....

[smackie9]

The thing is with online it's way easier to have access to many others with out detection. You need to take a step back and look at what is going on here. The bottom line here is he doesn't respect you. He pestered you relentlessly for nude pictures, knowing you have a high standard of morals. And when you finally gave in he turns around and says you must be easy. Sorry but that is why everyone on here is waving red flags .....he's a jackass. He knows now you are easily manipulated....this is no way to have a decent relationship. You are kidding yourself.

[eonbar]

mmmm. i dunno i disagree about most of that ^^^^^
i've been in the guys position, talking to a 'friend of a friend' for ages on line over a year or two, hardly ever saw her, got to the flirty pictures, ended up meeting up more and dated for two years. at no point did i not respect her, think she was a slut, see our constant flirtatious 'sexual' talk as pestering, think she was easy or any of the above.

and i assume she didn't think i was a jack ass cos like i said we dated for a couple of years ...

i dunno about your situation in general, but i defo disagree with a lot of the replies on this thread...

[smackie9]

mmmm. i dunno i disagree about most of that ^^^^^
i've been in the guys position, talking to a 'friend of a friend' for ages on line over a year or two, hardly ever saw her, got to the flirty pictures, ended up meeting up more and dated for two years. at no point did i not respect her, think she was a slut, see our constant flirtatious 'sexual' talk as pestering, think she was easy or any of the above.

and i assume she didn't think i was a jack ass cos like i said we dated for a couple of years ...

i dunno about your situation in general, but i defo disagree with a lot of the replies on this thread...

Dude we are not talking about you. This situation is different. This girl is on here because something doesn't feel right and I can see why she feels kind of taken advantage of.

[smackie9]

My initial question could be rephrased this way " Does he think i am a slut b/c I posted those pictures? Is it possible a man might feel something other than that, something more positive for such pictures?"
I don't know, it is late and I am tired.
Hope I am making sense.

I sense some kind of regret. Well if you want this relationship to start off right, then make it right. Talk to him about this and do tell him how vulnerable you feel. Maybe slow it down a bit and cut out sending the pics.Maybe you feel this was getting a bit out of control.......you have to think tho, sending him these pictures was to do what? Where do you actually want this to go? I tell you this now this has been going in a certain direction, where does it stop? He is going to get to the point where he is going to want sex and start pressuring you. What are you going to do then? He may say he is ok with it now, but he is going to get damn frustrated and start to push away. Unless he is of the same belief, this will be very difficult to deal with down the road.

[smackie9]

I can see how he might think "OK I convinced her to send these pics, so if I play my cards right with this I will be able to convince her to have some kind of sex.....even if it's just a blow job".

[SelflessnHumble]

Let me simplify this for you:

You are easy to manipulate (and he knows this)
He is horny and wants to F uck.
You've presented him an incentive to make the possibility of sex more plausible.

[Take2]

I agree with eonbar, it doesn't HAVE to be worst case here.

It is possible that this guy likes you a lot and was pleasantly surprised to find that he is physically attracted to you as well. Now he is even more determined to move forward to a real-life thing.

It is possible that the guy just wanted the picture, but that's a lot of effort for not much return. It is possible that he lost respect for you or thinks he can get laid now. You really can't know from the details you have. But happiness can't be had without some risks. I'd say at this point you have no reason not to remain cautiously optimistic about this dude.

[xxazurexx]

, but i defo disagree with a lot of the replies on this thread...

He wasn't interested in her and his interest didn't pick up and until she sent the smutty pics....doesn't that tell you something? DUH!!!

We aren't talking about you or anyone else who has jumped in to say 'I think you are wrong'....we are talking about the guy in relation to this thread and based upon the info OP provided.

[vashti]

Maybe it was mentioned and I missed it, but I don't see what purpose you had in sending these pictures in the first place. Did you think he would love you because he saw your boobies? I'm pretty sure we all can figure out why he wanted the pictures, but what was YOUR motive?