I suddenly hate my boyfriend for no reason, what's up?

[Talith_of_Rendi]

I've been really confused for a long time on this manner, hence my new membership here. I'm sorry for not introducing myself first, I'll go up and do that once I calm down a bit more. We've been intimately dating for over two years now, and for the last year to possibly a year and a half I've absolutely hated him for two thirds of the time I've been with him. I have no reason for this sudden change, as he's been getting sweeter and sweeter to me, thus prompting me to stay with him. I've convinced myself that perhaps I'm going through a stressful time and beginning to take it out on him, but wouldn't that subside eventually?

I'll go to see him and be thinking about how much I really wish I could write him off as a "friend" and just not see him except at social events, if that. Once I get there, the feelings subside so I can't portray them to him. I'm not only OK with the idea of him having another girl, I actually actively want him to find one. Whenever we go to be intimate, even if I was having fun before the idea came up, I suddenly get violently angry and only my rationality keeps me from lashing out, though many times I end up crying once I get away from him. He's started saying that I'm mentally messed up and that, no matter what conclusions I come to, I love him and just can't grasp the concept. Its as though every issue I have is just a "misunderstanding" of what I"m going through. I promised him I wouldn't leave without good reason, so I'm still sitting here trying to puzzle things out and I would like some outward advice that won't reach him.

I'd like someone else's opinion on this because I don't like the idea of breaking someone's heart over my hangups, if that's what this is.

[Anturo]

You need to break up with him if you "hate" him.

Who is he to tell you how you feel? "You are mentally messed up and you really do love him." WTF is that?

He seems very controlling of you. (There is a good enough reason)

You don’t love him, and you really want him to move on.

These are not healthy relationship thoughts.

Not only do you need to break up with him. You need to maintain NC to its fullest extent.

[doppelgaenger]

You have PMS.

[Anturo]

You have PMS.

She has reverse PMS

3 weeks bad

1 week good.

[warriormaiden]

Girl, that sounds worse than hate. That sounds like, 'murder him while he sleeps' kind of dislike.

Break it off. Do it for your sanity. Don't be harsh, be as swift and painless as you can when you do it. (BTW he sounds like a total douchebag, who would tell someone what they are supposed to feel???)

[SelflessnHumble]

I hate to ask you this: but how old are you and how many guys total have you dated/been with?
Next question: What is mentally wrong with you? This isn't normal behavior so please tell us the root cause of your problem(s)

My first thing to tell you: you didn't "suddenly" hate your BF for no reason.
We can't formulate an well informed observation based on such a vague post....

So:

-What to you is a good reason to leave him?
-What is this misunderstanding you speak of?
-How can you not see that your *mental hang ups* preexisted this 2 year relationship so by KNOWING of these issues (he was unaware of because you spitefully hid them)

You are going to break his heart over your own hangups regardless! See that? Sounds pretty selfish.

[sweetkissesforu]

You have PMS.

Dont start another thread on this subject

[doppelgaenger]

Dont start another thread on this subject

It's not a subject - it's a facetious comment.

How else am I supposed to reply to a thread that basically says "lol i h8te mai bf, wat should i do?"?

[sadie_genie]

Do you hate him or just falling out of love with him? If you HATE him then you have some personal psychotic issues which is something you have to deal with a psychiatrist. If you are just falling out of love then just break up with him.

[ashley89]

this is in the wrong section by the way

[Talith_of_Rendi]

(To ashley89) My apologies, Miss. I thought I had chosen accurately, but my assumption was incorrect. Is there a way to move the thread?

(To doppelgaenger) I suppose you are correct, I should have chosen my title less hastily.

(To SelflessnHumble) I'm nineteen, and I've been with four guys. My current is the only with whom I've had physical intimacies.

I believe the 'mentally wrong' comment was mis-portrayed. He believes that in order for me to be behaving or feeling the way that I am with our current situations I must have a mental issue, which I am willing to check for given my family's and my personal mental history. My issue isn't necessarily "lol i h8 my boyfriend" as was put by dopplegaenger, but instead more "I have no reason that I can personally conceive to explain my great emotions of discontent." I think that would be more accurate...

My stating that I "Suddenly hate my boyfriend" came about in that in our relationship I had absolutely no issues with him whatsoever, and I literally went to see him one day and my content feelings completely reversed to those of intense dislike and disinterest. I stopped myself to try and formulate why I could have come to these conclusions and settled on an even playing field of mild annoyance that on occasion spikes into the intense dislike and anger. I've stayed due to both his prompting and my own curiousity as to what in the world could have happened. As I stated before, it seemed as though it could have been PMS or stress or something related, but before I knew it the trend continued for, I dare say, a year and a half now? It doesn't seem to add up and I thought I'd give public forum a chance before consulting a professional assessment. The suddenness of the situation makes me wary.

A good reason to me would be a break of trust or a harmful situation which occurs within a relationship.

His explanation of the understanding is that he feels I don't "Grasp emotions the way a healthy person should, and therefor misinterpret them due to over thinking."

The only mental 'hang ups' I was aware of prior to this relationship had nothing to do with personal relationship in the past. Until now the only issues presented were those of severe panic attacks brought on by hospital related sounds, and my night terrors which have persisted into my adult life. Both of which I'm getting help for. He believes I have new mental hang ups now, which is part of my inquiry to this forum. He knows of all of these, it was part of what made him feel so protective over me.

I'm staying out of his asking because he swears its better that we stay together than my breaking up with him to work on whatever is going on. If this course of action is "selfish", then I suppose I'm unfamiliar with the term as it applies to social life.

(To Anturo) What do you mean by "Maintain NC"?

[Kaius]

If you resent him so much, you should stay away from him no matter how much he begs. It's not like anyone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to be with him. It's not like you are married, have 2 kids, and have a million dollars of joint assets which makes it difficult for you to leave the relationship. If you choose to stay with him, then stop complaining. You are 19 years old. The probability that this man will be your future husband is close to zero. You will break up sooner or later, as you cant even endure 2 short years together. Save yourself the trouble and show him some respect. Break up now and be over with.

[Talith_of_Rendi]

If you resent him so much, you should stay away from him no matter how much he begs. It's not like anyone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to be with him. It's not like you are married, have 2 kids, and have a million dollars of joint assets which makes it difficult for you to leave the relationship. If you choose to stay with him, then stop complaining. You are 19 years old. The probability that this man will be your future husband is close to zero. You will break up sooner or later, as you cant even endure 2 short years together. Save yourself the trouble and show him some respect. Break up now and be over with.

Short, sweet and to the point. I like that. The only issue remaining is that I was actually curious if there was a possibility for there being a mental issue involved on my part, given the suddenness of the problem at hand. I don't want this to be a repeat offense on the off hand that I do break up with him and go for another relationship. I thought perhaps a back history would help, but it seems not to be the case. Any further curt advice?

[vashti]

You are very young and still growing up. It is natural you should outgrow your first few boyfriends. Don't let him manipulate you into staying in a relationship that your heart isn't interested in. ANd who cares if it is due to some mental hang-up? You can't force yourself to feel something that just isn't there.

Besides, maybe HE is the source of your mental hang-ups?

[Mr. Turtle]

Thanks for being honest and pointing out that he is not the bad guy. FINALLY AN HONEST ONE. Bleeding Christ they do exist.