Heartbroken.. But trying to be strong. Help?

[JadenMia]

So this is an update as a few of you already know the story..

My ex was becoming controlling, jealous and just scary to be around.. Especially when he drank. He was starting to be just horrible and pushing me around.. Trying to make me have sex with him when i wouldnt or was too tired, he was hurting me to the point of bruising and cracking my tooth when he knows i have no dental coverage.. Just awful.
So i vowed to stick up for myself more and told myself the next time he gets like this.. its over.
We had planned a surprise party for our girlfriend at our best friends house. Its been a plan for a few weeks now, so last night we went together and got it all set up and stuff..

Everything was going great, until he got more and more drunk. I warned him when he was slamming back his beer to slow down.. He knows how he gets.
After a few hours, the jealousy started again. He would walk up, intimidate me and warn me that i was being too close to men. Everyone at this party were our friends, i just cannot understand why he is like this. Everybody started commenting on how he was acting and someone made a comment about how he was glaring at me like he wanted to kill me. He called her a b*tch.. Her boyfriend started.. I dont need to go into details about what happened there...

At the end of all the drama he had caused, he wasnt allowed in the house anymore.. So he was asking me to go home with him. I was honestly scared to, everytime he is in that state he ends up freaking out at home, smashing things, taking my phone locking me out of the house in 30 below weather..
I told him to go home, sober up and i would come home in the morning when he was okay. He wouldnt accept it. He would not leave, he just stayed there fighting everyone to stay there and said he wouldnt leave without me. Nobody by that point would let me leave with him anyway..
It got worse, he was crying and pleading at the door just asking me to go home and that he would be good.. It just completely broke my heart to see him like that I cant stand to see him upset it just killls me.

The cops ended up being called and he was put in the drunk tank for the night.
He has ended up trying to press charges against me for having his laptop and not giving it back. He broke my 600 dollar laptop at christmas what my dad bought me.. He smashed it through jealousy from facebook. He replaced it in febuary, now he wants it back.
Hes even going as far as taking it to court. Do you think he will be able to get it back from me? I have given him enough in this relationship. It furiates me hes going to take this too.. Who do you think will have the best chance in court?


I just cannot believe it has come to this.
Should i have just gone home and stuck by his side?
I felt so bad to see him like that but i just didnt know what to do.
He says its my fault it happened, i wasnt being loyal etc..
I just feel so bad and guilty.. I love him, and i cant help him anymore..

Has anyone advice for me? Any pointers to stay strong after a breakup?
Anything that would help me feel a little better would be awesome..
Thanks

[KingZ]

On one hand, I feel bad for you for having to put up with such horrific behavior from someone who seems to be a total dick, down to his very core.

On the other, your wounds are self-inflicted, and you'll receive no sympathy from me.

I just cannot believe it has come to this.

You know what I can't believe?

Should i have just gone home and stuck by his side?

The fact that you would ask yourself this question.

End it with him immediately.

[ktm390]

so he acts this crazy for no reason? you dont flirt with guys or have never cheated on him?

[JadenMia]

End it with him immediately.

I have done. I left him, i have deleted his number, blocked him on facebook. I already moved in with my mum last week.. Its done.
Even though its the right thing to do it still hurts horribly..


And i guess there could be reasons he is like that.. If you have seen my recent posts you would understand i am not really sure what i do so bad when i go out. He swears i flirt, i swear im friendly. That kind of thing. And we broke up in October last year for 3 months. Within the 3 months i had met someone and started seeing them casually.. It sounds bad now, but back then i didnt see me and my partner getting back together so i didnt think it would ever ruin anything. I just wanted to stop loving my ex and i found a way to help me alone as harsh as that may sound.. If i could have taken it back, I would have.

I tried to gain back his trust since we got together, he knew this had happened between me and another man. I really was sorry i did it, and i tried everything to try help us get back but obviously it was too late to save us. Now he sees me talking to another guy and assumes i am going to sleep with him. When i really am not like that at all..I have never cheated on him. Even though he sees the fling i had as cheating.. which i can understand why because it hurt me too. He was with other girls too..

[ktm390]

shit as much as it sucks to say i think its over for good. unless he works out his anger issues and jealousy. but with what has happened when you two were apart thats gonna be a tall order. it can be done though if he really loves you. i know from experience

[xxazurexx]

Where there is no trust, it's a waste of time as you are finding out. I'm unsure why he would feel you would cheat though and because you were seeing the other guy while you were apart, not when together.

He also sounds quite violent, ie: smashing everything up in your home. I can imagine him being very aggressive with you also, name calling, etc.

As much as you love him, I think maybe you two would be better off staying apart.

[JadenMia]

shit as much as it sucks to say i think its over for good. unless he works out his anger issues and jealousy. but with what has happened when you two were apart thats gonna be a tall order. it can be done though if he really loves you. i know from experience

Yeah i definitely dont want to be with him anymore.. Its done and dusted. I know as time goes on its going to get harder and harder.

But i know this is the best thing to do.. It just breaks my heart.. I love him so much and i cannot explain why i do, when he does these things to me.. :'(
I just cannot bear for him to feel bad or upset. I already feel guilty about the whole situation.

[JadenMia]

I'm unsure why he would feel you would cheat though and because you were seeing the other guy while you were apart, not when together.
.

Its because i told him i still loved him.. And he basically said, well if you can sleep with someone else whilst your in love with me you could do it anytime while we are together. Because i'm just 'that type of person' according to him.

I am lost.. I am just SO angry why he has to do this. I loved and cared for him SO much why couldnt he just put his stupid issues to the side and let us be together happy. It just makes me so angry..

[ktm390]

Its because i told him i still loved him.. And he basically said, well if you can sleep with someone else whilst your in love with me you could do it anytime while we are together. Because i'm just 'that type of person' according to him.

I am lost.. I am just SO angry why he has to do this. I loved and cared for him SO much why couldnt he just put his stupid issues to the side and let us be together happy. It just makes me so angry..

wow sounds similar to what i might be going through. so when you two were apart why did you sleep with someone else if you truly loved him. and i NEED you to be 100% honest here. dont worry he wont see it. if you dont feel comfortable posting it here please please pm me. i really need to know your answer. it would help me out tremendously.

[JadenMia]

wow sounds similar to what i might be going through. so when you two were apart why did you sleep with someone else if you truly loved him. and i NEED you to be 100% honest here. dont worry he wont see it. if you dont feel comfortable posting it here please please pm me. i really need to know your answer. it would help me out tremendously.

Well first of all, i slept with him the first time because truthfully i wanted to keep my mind off my ex. I was taking the breakup pretty badly.. I have never had to go through a breakup like this. When we were together and having sex my boyfriend rarely entered my mind at first. Secondly i carried on because he really did just make me feel wanted. He treat me with complete respect, never pushy. Always asking if i was okay, touched me as if he really appreciated me and spoke to me like i was worth something.
Something that i had not really felt with my ex for a while in fact. My boyfriend had been calling me names and just treating me like shit. So it was quite a breath of fresh air to be treated like that by a man.
After a while though everytime i slept with him i started to feel upset afterward, started comparing to my ex.. This is when i broke it off. It started making things worse.

[lowselfconfi]

Keep the chin up, you know that your confidence will return. It's all about the confidence.

[Sunnybeach7]

My best advice is to get away from him and never look back...and be thankful that you don't have kids with this guy, so you can break away completely.

Get a restraining order if you don't already have one...and enforce it if you see him come around.

Just tell the truth. He smashed your laptop as a means of control, and he "replaced" it later...it is your laptop, period. Even if you lose the laptop, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you are ALIVE and can go on with your life.

It seems that you really cared for him, but he is not good for you, and no matter how much help he would get, it is unlikely he would ever be ok for you to trust him totally.

He's using this court thing likely just as a means to be near you or get to you. Keep your chin up, and move on.

[JadenMia]

Ahh... Your right

I know he is no good for me.. I just find it so hard to stay away from him but i dont understand why i do..
Im just feeling angry right now. But i know i wont find it too too hard to move on with my life. I am attractive, happy and i have great friends and family to help me through this and they all agree with my decision which helps.

I just have this intense love for him and i cannot get rid of the images in my mind of him in my face crying asking me to go home with him, its just killing me. I hate to see him crying and he looked so desperate to have me home with him it makes me feel so bad. He said that everyone has manipulated me into turning against him and i sometimes wonder if he is right.. He can make me feel like this so easily its quite pathetic i hang on his every word.

I guess this is just a part of life and i need to learn to let go and accept change. I am just having a hard time doing so.

Another question.. Since the moment people have heard about me and my partner breaking up there has been a number of guy friends that have been getting in touch with me today. Three men i have known for a while have called me to 'chat' and see how things are and asked if i needed some company. I have no intention of doing anything like that yet. I feel emotionally exhausted.. And actually have a feeling of hate for all men for the past few weeks now. (sorry guys)
Its actually annoyed me they have jumped to the chance this soon when i feel like absolute shit.

How long should i wait to start hanging out with other men again? I just want to make sure that i dont fall into the same kind of relationship like this again.
Again, i have absolutely no interest in dating again anytime soon.. But last time i broke up with my partner i ended up meeting someone else and thinking it was 'just abit of harmless fun'.. but it made things so much worse.
Thanks for everyones input!!

[MerryH]

I just have this intense love for him and i cannot get rid of the images in my mind of him in my face crying asking me to go home with him, its just killing me. I hate to see him crying and he looked so desperate to have me home with him it makes me feel so bad.

Do not feel bad about this. You did nothing wrong. He did. He is a bad drunk. He chose to get drunk and humiliate himself and you in front of your friends. You should be disgusted by his insane, pitiful, and hurtful behavior.

He said that everyone has manipulated me into turning against him and i sometimes wonder if he is right.. He can make me feel like this so easily its quite pathetic i hang on his every word.

Of course he would say this, because he doesn't take responsibility for his actions. He turned you against him all by himself. If these other people had any hand in your decision to leave him, you should be very thankful for them.

Since the moment people have heard about me and my partner breaking up there has been a number of guy friends that have been getting in touch with me today.

It's possible that they were trying to jump on the first opportunity to date you, but it's also possible that they know your history with him and genuinely want to support you in getting away from a toxic individual. Maybe they think you might need some male assistance in case things get ugly or something. Who knows. If you don't feel comfortable talking to other men yet, then just don't. And definitely don't get into another relationship until you've completely gotten over this one.

[Sunnybeach7]

See other men when you feel that you are ready for it...it's easy as that. No one can tell you when that will or should be.

Yes is is very hard to see someone you love in a helpless and painful state. What do you think would have happened had you went home with him? How many times will you go back to him before he seriously hurts or kills you?

The deeper you get in and the more abused you are, the harder it is to get out.