Friend-zoned? Or not?

[starry23]

I met this great guy about several weeks ago at a friends' get together. He facebook friended me that same night and lately we really have a great time hanging out. We've gone out to dinner once (not a date though) and he's asked me to come over his place to hang out. We were talking online one time and he confessed that he had thought I was cute when he had first seen me and I admitted feeling the same way. We haven't talked about that in person, because he knows I'm interested in another guy (when I first met him at that party, I was an idiot and was gushing about it to him). Well, long story short, I think I like HIM now. We always laugh and have a great time together. To make it even more complicated, he also admitted to me that he kind of liked another girl, and flat out said, "She's a lot like you, actually." I'm confused, because he was the one that asked me for my number, finds a way to ask me to come over his apartment, etc. Am I friend zoned? And yes, we're both single.

[sweetkissesforu]

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try this article

[Anturo]

I dont intend to be mean but You both sound young.

Its ok you will learn.

Are you in the friend zone? Quite possibly...I mean you did gush on and on about another guy.

However society is breading more and more of these "soft batch" guys who are so afraid of rejection that they dont even ask any more and they sit around and wait until the girl makes the first move.
He just might be one of them.

So if you are a man reading this. Stop being soft, make a move if you think she is intrested.
For women do what you will but if I were a woman there is no way I'd settle for a man that didnt even have the balls to tell me he liked me first.

Just my $0.02

[smackie9]

Oh good god, he has the door wide open for you! Just go for it. It's so obvious he likes you. A guy usually doesn't make friends with a girl "just because". Sure he could be interested in 5 girls.....but look which one he has been spending time with....he is getting a positive response from you so far, that is why he keeps asking to hang out. Got to start flirting with him.....make it clearer that you are interested!

[smackie9]

I dont intend to be mean but You both sound young.

Its ok you will learn.

Are you in the friend zone? Quite possibly...I mean you did gush on and on about another guy.

However society is breading more and more of these "soft batch" guys who are so afraid of rejection that they dont even ask any more and they sit around and wait until the girl makes the first move.
He just might be one of them.

So if you are a man reading this. Stop being soft, make a move if you think she is intrested.
For women do what you will but if I were a woman there is no way I'd settle for a man that didnt even have the balls to tell me he liked me first.

Just my $0.02

I say, why not the girl be more aggressive in her pursuit? I talk to guys about this all the time and they agree that they would really like it if the girl stepped up and be more assertive....they say it's a turn on, secondly, the distance game is what attracts. Girls like a challenge, so if a guy gets all gushy about how he feels about a girl too soon, she will lose interest because the chase is over. Yes it's a guessing game but that is what makes it intriguing and increases the intensity of the attraction. I remember it as being fun.

[Anturo]

I say, why not the girl be more aggressive in her pursuit? I talk to guys about this all the time and they agree that they would really like it if the girl stepped up and be more assertive....they say it's a turn on, secondly, the distance game is what attracts. Girls like a challenge, so if a guy gets all gushy about how he feels about a girl too soon, she will lose interest because the chase is over. Yes it's a guessing game but that is what makes it intriguing and increases the intensity of the attraction. I remember it as being fun.

You ask why so I will answer in my opinion whether I am right or wrong I dont care but this is how I view it.

A woman who pursues a man is a slut. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Not saying that women cannot be agressive a little bit to reassure a man that is pursuing them that he is on the right track. But once its out there that there is any inclination she might be intrested. It is then his responsibility as a man to take control and pursue her.

This is how I feel and is my stance on it.

[smackie9]

Sorry to hear that. If you look at the definition of slu t it's a women that is sexually promiscuous, that goes from guy to guy. Where is it that a women that flirts and tells a guy she likes him is a slut? Sorry I find you are stuck with the values of the 1950's. Women have long since burned their bras in protest to be treated as equals during the sexual revolution of the 1960's. I guess in your world there hasn't been much progress for us women to have the right to be able to express ourselves freely sexually without persecution.

[starry23]

Oh good god, he has the door wide open for you! Just go for it. It's so obvious he likes you. A guy usually doesn't make friends with a girl "just because". Sure he could be interested in 5 girls.....but look which one he has been spending time with....he is getting a positive response from you so far, that is why he keeps asking to hang out. Got to start flirting with him.....make it clearer that you are interested!

Thanks! He's going out of town this weekend and I texted him something like, "Don't miss me too much now..." and he replied with, "Too late, I already do..." Makes me think something's up

[smackie9]

Thanks! He's going out of town this weekend and I texted him something like, "Don't miss me too much now..." and he replied with, "Too late, I already do..." Makes me think something's up

That's very kool

[Anturo]

Sorry to hear that. If you look at the definition of slu t it's a women that is sexually promiscuous, that goes from guy to guy. Where is it that a women that flirts and tells a guy she likes him is a slut? Sorry I find you are stuck with the values of the 1950's. Women have long since burned their bras in protest to be treated as equals during the sexual revolution of the 1960's. I guess in your world there hasn't been much progress for us women to have the right to be able to express ourselves freely sexually without persecution.

No women have every right to do as they please.

But as a man I have every right to deem for myself what type of a woman I will tolerate.

If a woman came on to me first I would not give her a second look. Women should take more pride in themselves is how I feel.

As for the 50's and 60's I know nothing about them for I was not around for them.

I am telling you that a woman that I would adore (my wife) is one who I know would never purse another man. How do I know this? Because she didn’t purse me.

[vashti]

You ask why so I will answer in my opinion whether I am right or wrong I dont care but this is how I view it.

A woman who pursues a man is a slut. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Not saying that women cannot be agressive a little bit to reassure a man that is pursuing them that he is on the right track. But once its out there that there is any inclination she might be intrested. It is then his responsibility as a man to take control and pursue her.

This is how I feel and is my stance on it.

I disagree with the "slut" label, but agree with you in general principle. No doubt there ARE men who would rather sit back and wait for the women to make the moves, but they tend to be the type of men I wouldn't be interested in. I like 'em manly.

[Anturo]

I disagree with the "slut" label, but agree with you in general principle. No doubt there ARE men who would rather sit back and wait for the women to make the moves, but they tend to be the type of men I wouldn't be interested in. I like 'em manly.

Ok maybe I was a little harsh with the "slut" label.

Yet I don’t know of another word that I would have been able to put that says "not gf/wife material" that would have gotten my point across other than "slut".

[vashti]

Ok maybe I was a little harsh with the "slut" label.

Yet I don’t know of another word that I would have been able to put that says "not gf/wife material" that would have gotten my point across other than "slut".

How about "masculine"? lol

Actually "aggressive" comes to mind, which is generally a trait associated with males. Guess that's why I thought that...

[Anturo]

How about "masculine"? lol

Actually "aggressive" comes to mind, which is generally a trait associated with males. Guess that's why I thought that...

Yes both are acceptable words yet not really good in context of what I originally wrote.

A woman who pursues a man is a slut. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Substitute masculine: A woman who pursues a man is masculine. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Substitute aggressive: A woman who pursues a man is aggressive. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Good but not the portrayal of significance that I intended. This is why such word as "Slut" was used to get that shock effect.

[vashti]

Yes both are acceptable words yet not really good in context of what I originally wrote.

A woman who pursues a man is a slut. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Substitute masculine: A woman who pursues a man is masculine. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Substitute aggressive: A woman who pursues a man is aggressive. A man who refuses to pursue a woman is weak.

Good but not the portrayal of significance that I intended. This is why such word as "Slut" was used to get that shock effect.

Well, I suppose you could redefine the male that refuses to pursue women as passive or feminine.