She slept with someone else

[Ubermann]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. I am beside myself. My girlfriend and I broke up about six months ago. Since then we've had a roller coaster relationship that bounced from friends to enemies to lovers. I tried everything to win her back. I didn't see anyone else. She owns my heart forever. She swore to me that the entire time she didn't go on a single date although there was one guy she admitted having a bit of a crush on.

Two weeks ago we decided to get back together. I've never been so happy. Then she confided in me that she slept with this other guy a couple of times. I am devastated. I know that she did nothing wrong because we weren't together at the time. But I can't look at her without thinking about his hands all over her and picturing the two of them lying together in bed.

And, of course, I can't trust anything she tells me anymore so I simply assume the worst.

He has a better body than I do so I can't even take my shirt off in front of her and although she wants to, there's no way I could make love to her right now. I've never been so happy and yet so sad in my life. I don't want to lose her again. How can I get past this? How can I bring myself to make love to her and trust her again?

[BeingAlpha]

Well..thats the male ego for you.

How come you don't think of the guys she was with BEFORE you -- its really no different.

If this girl is the love of your life -- get over it...get tested but let it go -- refer back to my first point..this is no different than the guys she slept with before you.

If it helps you to think of me as one of the ones before you - -that would be fine too ... ha made you laugh :-)

[courtney90]

I agree with BeingAlpha 100% What did she do wrong? Yea maybe she did leave out the part about sleeping with the guy but she wasn't obligated to tell you...you were not dating so it's not really your business. I kinda get where you say you don't trust her because she told you she didn't mess with anyone else...but then agian I think you shouldn't worry about it because she was SINGLE.

BTW you both just got together and you already don't trust her...I see problems in the future...

And why do you care if you think the guy looks better than you...she is with you now not him ... You have her!

Be confident in yourself...no one likes an insecure person!

Good luck!

[Ubermann]

Thanks BeingAlpha. You're right, of course. Except that she never lied to me about the guys she was with before me. I feel so foolish when I think of all the times she told me she liked this guy but he turned her off physically - and she had already had sex with him and enjoyed it. As for the male ego, the same thing happened to her in another relationship and she never got over it.

[IncognitoSir]

Well you know you always have the option to leave her, the love of your life that is. She lied, true, is it a deal breaker? For you to decide.

[La Roux]

The problem is your ego I guess...

[xxazurexx]

It happened while you were not together, so it's not like she cheated. Where she goofed up is when she chose to lie and rather than be honest.

She probably lied and because she didn't want to hurt you by the fact she'd slept with another guy...lying to protect feelings. But still....once they lie, it's hard to believe another thing they will say.

If you want to make it work you are going to have too get over it I'm afraid. What's done, is done and we can't change the past - you either accept it or not!

[girl68]

accept it or dump her but stop being mr insecure. can you forget about it? if not your option is dump her.

[zenots]

Dude, she came back to you cus you're the best for her, case closed.

Of course this is not to say that you should become complacent, just cherish what you have recovered and don't lose it again.

[ktm390]

ugh this story makes me sick to my stomach! i have no advice for you, just support

[Horseyguy]

I dunno, if you were not together what does it matter? and from what I can read, when she told you that she hadn't been with anyone you were still not together, maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't want to hurt you who knows.

But now you are back together she's trying to be honest with you and your response is you can't trust her? Dude, that makes no sense.

It says to me that she wants this to work, she could say nothing and you could find out later and yeah then you could say you don't trust her but she's being straight with you now you are back together again so deal with it.

If your ego is that big that you can't deal with the fact she saw someone else after you guys broke up then dump her and move on but if you keep going down the path of thinking you are now, you'll blow it for sure