Cannot trust my girlfriend it seems. How do I get her to shape up?

[Dolmetscher]

Okay... I am pretty good at GIVING advice, but I kinda stink at seeing my own situations very clearly.

My girlfriend is great. I love her. But we are in a long distance thing for the time being, and I simply cannot trust her it seems. Now, I don't think she is cheating, or even talking to other guys. It isn't a "fidelity" issue. I mean, she simply will not let me know that she's okay and home safe.

I'm not some watch dog father-type that wants his girlfriend to text him every hour and tell me who she's with and where she is. I do not care one bit who's she's with. I don't care which bar she's at, movies, restaurant, home in front of the TV. All of that's fine with me whenever, whatever.

But when she does go out downtown (she lives in a larger city), I have asked her a million times to simply text me or call me when she gets home, or whenever she gets to a friend's house and is safe. I am very nervous about drunk drivers. I have also seen HER drive after having one too many. So... I worry about wrecks, DWI's, and in general, just her safety when she goes out. She is a VERY beautiful girl, and she is very trusting and naive.

So anyway... last night was her 30th birthday, and she did it again. She did it the night before and I asked her, "Baby... you know that I worry, so please just send me a text when you get home safe." And she said, "Okay... I know." But then the VERY NEXT NIGHT, she does it again. So as of right now, I don't know if she is dead, in jail, or in some alley way.

I'm not a very mellow dramatic guy, so I am 99% sure she just got drunk on her "Dirty Thirty" birthday and ended up crashing at someone's house. But damn! This has happened over and over. I don't know what to do. I know how to handle a relationship that needs to end. But what do you do whenever your girlfriend simply will not do something this basic that would make my life so much easier.

Is it me? Do I need to just accept that she is this way, and try to work of not worrying? To me that's bullshit. But I've been wrong before.

What do you think?

[vashti]

If this is an established pattern for her, I think you should accept that this is the way it will always be.

[hello1]

She is not a girl she is a grown woman! and she is acting like a twenty something year old. She should grow up

[vashti]

To be fair, she IS a grown woman, who is probably not used to having to report to anyone when she comes and goes, especially someone who doesn't even live with her. If someone were to ask ME to do that, I would laugh.

[xxazurexx]

She doesn't sound very responsible and if she will drive when pissed. Not only does she endanger her own life, but the lives of innocents....

If it's a regular pattern, doubt she will change.

May be that she's not used to answering to anyone at 30 years old....or she's 'thoughtless'.

[charlie_2k]

I think she is thinks of herself as a grown woman which she is, who can very well take her decisions, when to drink when to drive where to crash etc etc of all the little things. But at the same time she should also show enough maturity to understand how much it bothers u. Try talking to her that you do trust her to get safe in the bed every night, but it'll be really nice if she could also put you to a stress free sleep just by texting "i'm ok". Thats all it takes. Tell her you need it, u are confident about her but after all we are such touchy beings at the heart.

[HeartIsAching]

My ex did the same thing to me regularly. She's be a couple of hours late from work and not bother to call, then wonder why I was angry and calling hospitals when she got home.

So eventually, I turned the tables on her. Went out to work at a remote site about 4 hours from where we lived, and had to work late. She didn't know where I was, and I didn't tell her I was going to be late. I just showed up 4 hours late from work, and as I was parking my motorcycle, she came flying out the door screeching like a harpy: "Where the HELL have you been?! I've been worried sick! Calling hospitals! Where the hell have you BEEN?!"

I said "I was at work, why?"

She said "Why didn't you call and tell me you were going to be late?!"

I said "How's it feel?"

Interestingly enough, that worked.

[smackie9]

Wow dude she's 30 years old not 18. She's an adult and she can take care of herself. You really need to be more confident in her. She is not doing it for a reason.......she's trying to get you into shape by teaching you to trust her.

[qwertz]

But when she does go out downtown (she lives in a larger city), I have asked her a million times to simply text me or call me when she gets home, or whenever she gets to a friend's house and is safe. I am very nervous about drunk drivers. I have also seen HER drive after having one too many. So... I worry about wrecks, DWI's, and in general, just her safety when she goes out. She is a VERY beautiful girl, and she is very trusting and naive.

She is 30 years old for christs sake, she should be more responsible. I hope if/when she has an accident its only her who gets hurt and nobody else.

[Dolmetscher]

Wow dude she's 30 years old not 18. She's an adult and she can take care of herself. You really need to be more confident in her. She is not doing it for a reason.......she's trying to get you into shape by teaching you to trust her.

Wow... you think that a good and healthy way to "get [someone] into shape by teaching them to trust you" is to pass out on friend's couches, or drive home drunk, and not call even when you specifically have promised repeatedly that you would call? I always knew you Canadians had a different way of doing things up there. eh?

[reeba]

Why is everyone missing the title of this post??????

'I can't trust my gf'

This is nothing at all about, 'did you get home safely and not laying in an alley raped?' It is about, are you effing someone else and that is why you don't text. He just wrote it like he is a caring figure, so he doesn't appear to be an insanely jealous suspicous guy.

If you don't think she is faithful, then dump her. Anyway she can always text and lie. Ever think of that?

[IncognitoSir]

It's crazy how guys get into these situations, including myself. On one hand, you seem borderline controlling just because you care about the well being of your significant other.(what everyone has been referring to as "checking in") On the other hand, what kind of boyfriend would just turn his back in a situation like this and say" eh, do what you do, I don't what happens to you tonight". It's like either way you look at it, YOU'VE got your hands tied. I tried explaining this to my ex a few times. I am to the conclusion that she indeed found some weird comfort being in situations such as these. She's still doing it as we speak, although it no longer effects me because we're not together anymore. TBH, she's probably never going to change and it's going to hurt your feelings every time she purposely blows you off like that. I still can't understand how some people see that as a "check in". A simple text that means, I'm alive not dead or in jail with a DWI. I bet you'd be first on the list to call if she did get a DWI though. She would be totally ok with checking in with you about that.