Good luck with this one.........

[letscallmesue]

Alright, this will be quite long.......

My fiance and I have been together for about 5 years. We're both in our late 20's and have a son. He's never been the "go getter" type...he was out of work for 2 years (without looking), doing nothing around the house, horrible with communication etc. I was always working and even started a part time evening business out of the home to make ends meat. This went on for about two and a years until I had finally had it. I broke up with him, and shortly after started dating someone. This "someone" was incredible. A no bullsh*t, tell it like it is, this is who we are, like it or leave it kind of person (I'm the same way). We had such a wonderful time together whether it be talking on phone, watching Sunday football or simply going for a walk. I fell head over heals, as did he. Couple months later, my exboyfriend came by to see his son and he was hysterical.....starting apologizing for everything he ever put me through and that he's going to change and do whatever it takes to keep me. Regardless of how I felt for the new guy I was dating, I felt it necessary to give it another chance as he IS the father of my son.

So, broke it off with the other guy (we were both devastated) to get to know this new and improved man. Fast forward another couple months....he's working, doing stuff around the house, always asking if I need anything, communicating (almost to a fault). He really kept his word and grew up. However, my feelings never changed....sex was still non existent cause emotionally I was withdrawn. I thought it would get better....well, one night he asked me to marry him and I reluctantly said yes. I figured hey, he's changing for the better, I don't need to be completely happy, my kids will have the same father and I did everything in my power to keep the family together. Well, 4 months into the planning, this feeling in the pit of my stomach just won't go away. It's a nagging like dont this, this is wrong......then boom email from other guy telling me that if he can't have me in his life as a loving partner, he'll take my friendship because he can't picture his life without me in it. A day has not gone by that I haven't though about him. I am no longer sexually attracted to my fiance and there's nothing that's changing, even though he has.
I just dont know what to do.....keep my family together and sacrifice my happiness or move on? They say there's someone for everyone, and I'm scared I may let my someone slip through my fingers......HELP I'm so lost...breaking up with him will be devastating for him (he's more into this wedding than I am)

[motty]

Wow, you are really in a tight spot. It's obvious that your fiance cares enough to make such a marked improvement. Yet on the sensual side you still want your ex. You have to make a decision before you actually tie the knot and only you alone can do it. If I were in your situation I would think about what excited me in the first instance with my fiance, maybe I am not putting enough effort into being dolled up and outgoing the way I use to, maybe I need to date him like the early days. If after doing all that and more you still don't feel it, I would be up front with my fiance and ask him for some more time. The kids are important but you should not have to be miserable for the rest of your life. Also consider that this new guy may not be all that you are seeing, he may have some ways that will turn you off as well.

[letscallmesue]

Thanks for the reply motty! It's not all about wanting my ex....even before he sent me that email I had that gnawing feeling in my stomach that this wasn't what I wanted....to be honest, with or without him in my life I would feel the same exact way. I have tried everything I can think of...romantic dinners, weekend getaways...just the 2 of us alone and movie nights. Everything we use to do and enjoyed, the difference this time around though is that I have stopped enjoying his company all together. When he makes any advances in the sexual nature, I shut down. I dont do it on purpose, it's automatic. I get the heeby jeebies down my spine 99% of the time he touches me. How's can that be rectified? I have noooooo idea........

[letscallmesue]

What makes this so hard, is how badly hurt he'll be if I break it off....he's tried so hard and it feels like I'm just throwing it back in his face, when it's not like that at all....