Girlfriend kissed another guy, but is now obsessed with marrying me

[tomika]

My girlfriend of 4 yrs kissed another guy & slept in his bed but did not have sex. Now she says all she wants is get married to me.

I trust her. That's what makes me feel so confused. She called me the next day (we've lived in different states for the last 8 months) and told me what happened as she cried hysterically. Since that day (4 days ago), she has called me dozens of times and taken full responsibility for what she did. She has told me things I've never heard her say, such as she's in love with me and she wants to have my babies and that I'm the most important person in her life and that she's ashamed for what she did. Her answer as to why she did it was she was lonely and he reminded her of me.

We've been together for 4 years and I've pursued her most of that time. She hasn't wanted to commit, even though she has been very committed to me and even given up jobs and travel opportunities to be with me.

Her problem for a long time has been depression, self-sabotaging behavior, and not taking personal responsibility for things. Most of the time it just makes her a nervous person and second guess herself in decisions. She says that in a weird way this event has put everything in perspective. She sounds different on the phone. She has never told me she wanted to marry me or have kids. I believe her, but I also think it sounds too reactionary.

I'm confused. This girl has followed me around the country as I moved for work and went to grad school. No one has stricken me like her. I fell in love hard with her and have thought of marriage for a long time. Now I'm freaked out. I kind of want to pursue other girls. I don't know if I want her to move to where I am. I'm not even sure if I want to be with her anymore. Aaaahhhh!!

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

Sounds to me like there may be a trust issue deep down with you. You've been with this girl for 4 years, yes she kissed another guy and told you BUT she still did it. After 4 years of being with somebody things like that should never happen. As for sleeping in another guys bed. Erm, big no no.
If she can do this after 4 years and you forgive her, what can she do later on in your relationship!?!

[KingZ]

Since that day (4 days ago), she has called me dozens of times and taken full responsibility for what she did. She has told me things I've never heard her say, such as she's in love with me and she wants to have my babies and that I'm the most important person in her life and that she's ashamed for what she did.

Don't buy into this. This is textbook guilt-induced behavior, and your commitment is tricking you into giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Simply put, actions speak louder than words. If you were the most important person in her life, would she have made out with that guy with her legs wrapped around him, while letting him dry hump her in his bed?

[Boisdevie]

I would leave her

[LOVE_CONFUSED]

I've been with my partner for 12 months and I know he's the most important person in my life, I wouldnt need to 'cheat' to realise that.

In my eyes you only cheat if your not happy and shes clearly realised that the 'grass isnt always greener on the other side'

[IncognitoSir]

Although it may put things in perspective for her, it hasn't for you. You're confused because of how much RECENT change has happened between the two of you. All of a sudden she's giving you EVERYTHING you've always wanted from her, only after she cheats on you?? Don't be fooled! This is merely an attempt to overshadow her guilt and the magnitude of her cheating. Slow EVERYTHING down right now so you can take a good look at everything. Is this what you want in a relationship, she cheats then throws all this "change" at you and what, you're just supposed to get over it? Actions do speak louder than words, she would have to show me something. You guys have been together for 4 years, so maybe that's worth working it out, but that's up to you to decide.

[xxazurexx]

She kissed and slept with another guy and because he reminded her of you? Uhm....so that's ok then.

Let's hope that numerous other men don't cross her path, of whom may remind her of you then eh?

I agree with IncognitoSir. She is saying all that crap now and because she just wants you to forget about her cheating, get over it and thinks you will and because she wants to marry you.

Issues are NOT resolved and by marrying...which this female thinks it will be.

[courtney90]

So you reminded her of this other guy and that is why she did this...red flag!! That is a horrible excuse...and this should not be ok at all! How after 4 years of being with someone that you love do you allow something like this to happen?? If she was so lonely as she claims...then why didn't she call you and let you comfort her? I would dump her! And I agree with the others...she is only saying all of those things to make you forget about her cheating! You deserve better!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're an idiot. She definitely ****ed him.

[HeartIsAching]

My girlfriend of 4 yrs kissed another guy & slept in his bed but did not have sex. Now she says all she wants is get married to me.

I trust her. That's what makes me feel so confused. She called me the next day (we've lived in different states for the last 8 months) and told me what happened as she cried hysterically. Since that day (4 days ago), she has called me dozens of times and taken full responsibility for what she did. She has told me things I've never heard her say, such as she's in love with me and she wants to have my babies and that I'm the most important person in her life and that she's ashamed for what she did. Her answer as to why she did it was she was lonely and he reminded her of me.

We've been together for 4 years and I've pursued her most of that time. She hasn't wanted to commit, even though she has been very committed to me and even given up jobs and travel opportunities to be with me.

Her problem for a long time has been depression, self-sabotaging behavior, and not taking personal responsibility for things. Most of the time it just makes her a nervous person and second guess herself in decisions. She says that in a weird way this event has put everything in perspective. She sounds different on the phone. She has never told me she wanted to marry me or have kids. I believe her, but I also think it sounds too reactionary.

I'm confused. This girl has followed me around the country as I moved for work and went to grad school. No one has stricken me like her. I fell in love hard with her and have thought of marriage for a long time. Now I'm freaked out. I kind of want to pursue other girls. I don't know if I want her to move to where I am. I'm not even sure if I want to be with her anymore. Aaaahhhh!!

Don't believe it.

You shouldn't.

You haven't heard her say it before because she hasn't had to pull out the big guns to make you stay with her before.

Say what?

This is self-sabotaging behavior.

It is too reactionary. She's trying to say what you need to hear in order to get you to overlook her abuse.

You should.

You should not.

[Kaius]

You're an idiot. She definitely ****ed him.

I hate to say this, but when a girl confesses what happened, she usually tones it down. The psychology of that is she told you, which lifted her guilt, but she didnt have to tell you the whole truth. More than likely she had sex with that guy. Girls dont get that guilt-ridden from simply kissing. You have to decide if you can ever trust her again. Yes she did confess, but she also betrayed.

[Bo]

she kissed him and slept in his bed, hmmmmm. sounds like there's more to the story here.