if you're not married you're single....

[SelflessnHumble]

I'm confused with the "two people should know part" what if the lines are not that clear cut? In my case, this 4 year period of living together has had it's ups and it's downs. We have grown significantly from were we started 5 years ago, and I'm ready for the commitment. I don't want to get married tomorrow and don't mind a long engagement . My guy and I had this talk a year ago and still he can't ask this simple question "will you marry me?" Perhaps it's because I'm not the one?? he says I should endure, that's the true test! I'm sick of being tested!! I have endured, and he is still not ready to commit. Silly part is I was the type that never wanted to marry. Until I met him...

Obviously he isn't sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you (if he believes in marriage/has religious roots)
I ask you this: Why haven't you asked him about it? He may never marry you: because you have given up everything already...he may be comfortable where he is.

[girl68]

I wouldn't be willing to sit around and "endure". Now if was just a matter of time until he proposed that's different but it seems like to me he just might not want to marry- ever.

[enjungrl]

I have asked him. We had this talk last year. Then again yesterday. He says he wants to marry me someday, but he wants to be finacially stable 1st. I also agree I have given up everything, so I moved out a month ago. We now only have time to see each other at most 2-3 times a week. Each time I have initiated it and met him at his place. He refuses to come by mine. I keep telling him he needs to put in more effort if he wants this relationship to work. Yet he feels I abandoned him. Once again, so confused...

[girl68]

Ask him what is his version of "finacially stable?" for some it's a stable job for some it's 500K in the bank.. what's his?

Second, you need to make it clear that moving out wasn't abandonment.

Third, get him to realize that relationships take work, and lots of it he can't stop now, nor after marriage. Does he agree?