i need a mans opinion, as i dont understand the way they think. -cheating!

[1357]

I was involved in a long term relationship. Over a year. Madly in love.

[I just posted this in the love forum]

Thought the world of him, and things were perfect. He goes on Holidays overseas and in, just past a week.. He kisses another girl. He was drinking, which doesn't been **** to me. He told me this, a short time after appearing distant. Something was wrong, and i could tell he was avoiding me. When he told me, (via webcam) my heart just shattered.
I've never felt so hurt in my entire life.

We talked, and i asked questions. He was honest, he answered them all. He didn't know why he did it. He intended to simply wish her a good night, after spending the day together as friends. He said that it was nice for him at the time, to get some interest from a girl like her. But after he realised what he did... He was deeply upset, and said it was the greatest mistake of his life. He was a wreck about it. As, was i.

I said i needed distance. He said he will do anything to fix it. He has been regretful, and i am just in so much pain.

Can this be fixed.
How can i trust him again?
Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater.

..........................


Guys, i just wan't to get his view across. I want to understand why he did it, and how men think?
How would you handle this situation, if you were him?

[IncognitoSir]

Well, sure it can be fixed. Fixing it means YOU would have to gather the strength to forgive him and move on. I for one could never trust a cheater. People do change but it's up to you to accept him back into your life. Whatever you do, take your time in your decisions.

[carl1222]

I would consider giving him another chance - see my reply in your other post.

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't give him another chance and having been there with a cheater who sobbed and cried, begged me for another chance and said he'd never do it again. But 4 years later, he did....

I know that everyone's different and that what happened to me, may not happen to you. But you will find that if you take him back, while you can forgive it may be very hard for you to forget...
Once the trust is gone, you are wasting your time IMO.

[HeartIsAching]

it's just a kiss...

On the other hand, the trust is gone, and that's damn near impossible to recover.

[rohit20]

If i was in place of that guy i wouldn't have gotten drunk with another girl. and kiss? never. i mean, it's just not right to do so when you have a girlfriend.
but if you look at it the other way round, he's been honest to you. he told you about it and moreover he regrets it. he was drunk too, so maybe he didn't know what he was doing. in my opinion, give him another chance. but show him how wrong he's been. and if he does it next time, then no questions. dump him straightaway.

[xxazurexx]

it's just a kiss...

Yeah, that is what my ex hubby said too...

Truth is he'd shagged the cow all over her house.

[Regnent]

bah, I think some people are casting the situation a little too black and white.
Yes, it's just a kiss.
Yes, it was wrong.

She doesn't tell us anything beyond that, if this is ongoing, or anything. Far as we can tell, it's a one off.
While it's a shot against trust, I don't think it's any indication that he can't be trusted, at all or ever.

Everyone screws up. Spends too much, has too much to drink, causes a fender bender, etc. And while I'm an avid supporter of partners being faithful, I think there's a difference between a weak moment, and a weak person, and I strongly believe that couples need to be a little more tolerant of their partners mistakes.

Big difference between a kiss (or even a one night stand), and being habitual at it. When I see even a greater minority of perfect people running around making all the right choices, then I might change how I feel. Till then, I think people shouldn't be so quick to attack imperfection.

She has some thinking to do, and while breaking it off isn't exactly unreasonable, neither is dealing with it, and moving on.

[Boisdevie]

He obviously doesn't love you. Would I kiss another woman? No ****ing way because I love my girlfriend. Should you give him another chance? NO

[xxazurexx]

Everyone screws up. Spends too much, has too much to drink,

Sorry, booze is no excuse. What happens when he has another drink? A 'threesome' perhaps?

If he thinks with his 'dick' while drunk, can't be trusted not to sniff around other women and after having a drink, then he's no 'keeper'.

[GK001]

Everyone screws up. Spends too much, has too much to drink, causes a fender bender, etc. And while I'm an avid supporter of partners being faithful, I think there's a difference between a weak moment, and a weak person, and I strongly believe that couples need to be a little more tolerant of their partners mistakes.

Big difference between a kiss (or even a one night stand), and being habitual at it. When I see even a greater minority of perfect people running around making all the right choices, then I might change how I feel. Till then, I think people shouldn't be so quick to attack imperfection.

yes people screw up, they pay the price. cheating and violence is one of those imperfections that should NEVER be tolerated in a relationship. are you willing to wait around to see if your partner can change over time? deal with the consequences when he/she doesn't?
Violence is in their blood, Cheating is in their brain. life is short. if you wanna bet your life on a person who might be an addict then good luck with the odds.
i cant understand those bloody women who "tolerate those mistakes". grow a brain.

[Regnent]

What's to change if it's one mistake exactly?
They could well go one to have 50 happy, blissful, monogamous years together.

Cheating isn't something new or extreme, it's been going on forever.

You want to drop a base opinion on a single incident, by all means. Me, personally, I'd rather give it least one chance.

[ambaint]

none of my cheating friends have mended their ways with the one they cheated on.
Plus trust blown away like that is very difficult to earn back ever and you might hate him for it without forgiveness.
Forgiveness and mercy are two very different things

[Regnent]

*shrugs* The problem with earning trust back, is most people simply won't let you. Even if they try to let you, they just can't.

You say cheating friends, and of course, most cheaters don't just change.

I personally don't define a single incident as cheating. I'm not perfect, and I sure as heck don't drop judgments on a single thing. Maybe something really major. Like, he killed someone. That's major. Robbing a bank, that's major.
Kissing, or even screwing someone once, while important and serious, is hardly the end of the world.