The phone call

[Timber]

If anyone remembers my previous posts I was asking whether it was worth trying to be honest with my ex in order to clear things up.
I've decided to give it an attempt, but after five months it will be hard to get her to meet me in person.
I understand things better now, but she'll remember me as the confused ex she left. She'll assume i've nothing new to say.

I dont think I can explain things in a letter, as its so deeply personal it would hurt me not to get a response.
Also, after five months i've probably become a caricature in her mind. By sitting across from her I can remind her of who I actually am.

I only have one chance to ask her on the phone, its easy if she's not convinced to just say no, at which I can't ever call again. Therefor its important to do it right.

But saying "I want to explain things" or "Its important to clear things up", dosn't give me the impression of actually working.

So heres the question: If you have somone in your past who has hurt you or made you angry, what could they possibly say on the phone that would make you curious enough to meet them?

I'm starting to wonder if anything will work, which should be a sign not to try, but I think clearing things up will benefit us both.

Any ideas?

[schueys_girl]

hmm this is an interesting post mate, il have a think and get back to you

[cycletease]

My only suggestion is to call up and be casual, cheerful and funny. Act really cool and maybe that will peak her interest. Likely she will not want to hear something weighty on the phone, she has likely been depressed enough by this situation, why would she sign on for more?

Maybe say you were just thinking about her the other day (giving the illusion that you haven't been thinking about her constantly) and were wondering if she were free sometime to hook up for ________ (coffee, dinner, drink, etc.)

I really can't think of anything else that would be effective.

BTW- When was the last contact you made/attempted with her?

[schueys_girl]

ive had a think...coming on to strong on the phone wont do you any favours, and im guessing the stuff you want to say and talk about really deserves a face-to-face meeting to justify it.

Like cycletease says, be cheerful and light on the phone, and then gauge her reactions. If she is still stand offish then there really isnt a lot of point, but if she seems welcoming, then ask her to meet up. Something light and simple like coffee would be better i think than dinner- that i think may come on too strongly -x-

[Timber]

The last time I spoke to her with the intention of fixing things was 4 or 5 months ago (phone call), but I sent her a x-mas card five weeks ago. It didn't say anything other than a hello. In retrospect i'm not sure if this was a good or bad thing to do, or if she even got it. It showed I still care at least, but in not saying much it couldn't be considered as being desperate.

[Cybog]

It won't do you any good. If she really wanted to "work things out" with you, a rehearsed phone call and a vain hope of one shot at "getting it right" isn't going to be what makes her come back.

She either wants to be with you (doubt it) or she doesn't. No matter how wonderful you try to make yourself sound on that phone call is going to relay any other message other than: Desperate.

It's time to move on.