UPDATE from "what does this mean?"

[Homelife]

No here knows me so it's like whatever. I know the situation and I know that I'm not in the wrong. There is a difference between giving honest advice and just being a asshole. If some of you are annoyed, then just participate in another thread. Blaming me? I didn't do anything wrong except have a lapse of judgment. It's over in my eyes because I still waited for him to get his shit together. And from the beginning, he made it seem like he wanted a future with me. I should have listened to my instincts and red flags, I suppose but I did care about him. I never thought he would hurt me. Even when I got ready at his place,he said I took too long and that he will have to get use to it. Which is one way he acted like I would be in his future. So, of course I would emotionally invest myself.

First of all, his brother was sick in his country, not in America. His family lives in a Islam country so yeah. Selfish? Again, keep ASSuming. I didn't expect him to change his 'self' for me. I accepted him for who he was.

And yes, this doesn't make sense. Nothing adds up and I don't even know who he is, who he was. I accept that he is a lying piece of shit. Maybe he's being "honest" now but he should have told me from the jump. I would never toy with someone's emotions, I have been in a position to do it but why would I? It's not right.

[Incognito]

Well Homelife I am glad that your mom talked to you. I really do think that if you'd have gone to his country that you would not have returned as easily as you think/thought because you'd have been a woman in an Islamic country. He could have easily kept you there or killed you with little or no consequence. Never ever do this much for someone who invested so little in the relationship again. It would also be best to thoroughly educate yourself on the beliefs of someone who you are going out with and break things off if you belief system is too different. Again, I am really happy for you and your family that you are done with this guy. What did your mom say that really 'hit home'?

[Homelife]

Well Homelife I am glad that your mom talked to you. I really do think that if you'd have gone to his country that you would not have returned as easily as you think/thought because you'd have been a woman in an Islamic country. He could have easily kept you there or killed you with little or no consequence. Never ever do this much for someone who invested so little in the relationship again. It would also be best to thoroughly educate yourself on the beliefs of someone who you are going out with and break things off if you belief system is too different. Again, I am really happy for you and your family that you are done with this guy. What did your mom say that really 'hit home'?

Well Homelife I am glad that your mom talked to you. I really do think that if you'd have gone to his country that you would not have returned as easily as you think/thought because you'd have been a woman in an Islamic country. He could have easily kept you there or killed you with little or no consequence. Never ever do this much for someone who invested so little in the relationship again. It would also be best to thoroughly educate yourself on the beliefs of someone who you are going out with and break things off if you belief system is too different. Again, I am really happy for you and your family that you are done with this guy. What did your mom say that really 'hit home'?

The thing is I am open-minded and strange to say, even though I am not religious and he was Muslim, it seemed our morals were similar. Like, we both weren't promiscuous, really partied or anything,etc And he seemed open-minded, even though I am considered agnostic, he never said anything bad about it. Only that if were to have kids, they would automatically be Muslim.

Well, my mom bluntly said, unlike my friends, that he doesnt care or love me. That if he did, he wouldn't break up with me and then later ask me to be his second wife.She said that is not how love works. She also talked about the dynamics of her relationship with her fiance and what she said makes sense. Sh Like, the guy she is with, I can tell her loves her. In the beginning of the relaitonship, he sent her flowers every day. She met his family. He calls her every day. I can tell he loves my mom. Just the fact.

When she said all this, it's like damn she is right. Later the same day I sent him a goodbye text and then I deleted his number.

Everything he said didn't match with how he acted. And I'll never invest myself into someone who made little investment. Again, I thought he was a good person...Everythign that was a red flag to me, it seemed like he had an excuse. I should have listened to my instincts.

Yeah, the thing that is suspicious to me is him dumping me and then saying I can marry you too and then it's I won't marry her yet and get you a ticket. Why the hell would he pay for me just to see his country? How do I know that it isn't a set up or just another lie?
He also said when he went back home, he realized that he wanted someone of his culture. When before, he was so 'open-minded.' He talked a good game,smh.

[SelflessnHumble]

You know, no offence Humble but this quote:
I don't think she was asking for him to change. She is repeating what he says.

To the OP and Azure...

This could be the case...but from what I read: she was pointing the finger at this guy, and just because he is a "guy" isn't my basis for
making this observation...I think what he did was just a poor excuse at being a "man." No doubt about that...

BUT: a death is not a discounted event that transpires in a person's life as some sort of insignificant thing.
What I read from her post was: "HE chose to use his belief of his religion favoring men to be with Muslim women...and since I didn't like that
at all: I feel he used me while be seemingly felt different due to the fact he stayed with me BEFORE his brother's death.." So this entitles the OP to put it on him?

While I share her concern: the way she goes about it sounds like, "You changed your mind: and YOU hurt ME." This isn't fair...she ignored the signs. which were and are obvious to me.

The OP is only a 24 year old female and I suspect was very ignorant to Islam and had no knowledge of it at all and when she got involved with this man.

Why is she only a 24 yr old female? Is 24 a novice's number to appease her lack of experience?
She was very ignorant not just towards learning her partner's faith...but she also FAILED to heed the warning signs being with someone from a different culture altogether.
It doesn't get her off the hook for being held accountable for what she did (and/or did not do)

If anyone has been selfish, it is this 'liar' she unfortunately fell in love with, who led her to believe that there would be a future for the two of them and knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his promises. That makes him a bastard IMO and not because he chooses the Muslim woman over OP - but because of his lies, deceit and dishonesty and the fact he cheated on OP with this other woman...

You do NOT know how he truly felt! And...ironically....neither did SHE! See that?
Whether he lied or not remains to be seen if you want to invoke words like "clarity, facts, and unbiased reasoning.

The fact is: he took the time to talk to her: and told her how he felt...
He didn't do it while he was grieving and as most people know: DEATH can alter a person's world.
It has the capability of changing people, I know this 1st hand better than those who haven't faced death.

So...what do we have here? A failure to communicate, yes. A liar? Hardly.
There is no proof he cheated and the time line she told doesn't make much sense either to know or now IF he cheated when:
accepting a compliment from another woman: doesn't denote cheating.

What I see: she asks, "Why didn't he tell me this in the 1st place?"
Answer: Because he didn't know for certain...He felt he wanted a future with her (at one point)
THIS changed and she should not B-lame him nor hold what he had said over his head as his fault when there are ZERO guarantees in life!

She banked on the fact he said he wanted to marry her/have children...K, BUT it changed.
How what does she do? B-lame him, "How could you do this to me?" (you mean how could he change his mind?)

It happens all the time: and HE is entitled as a right to change his mind!
She didn't like it: and look at how she takes my words of advice (and opinion) ?
IN a hostile manner: you tell me: should he have to deal with such an emotional woman?

Hell NO! I know I wouldn't and I have much more patience than he did for her!

Also and when you say it is selfish of OP and to ask this man why he hurt her. I see that as being a 'normal' question any woman/man could ask a partner....'Why did you hurt me'?
For crying out loud, he was her partner and she assumed she could trust him. Of course she wants to know why he would hurt her.

It was irresponsible to put that much trust into a person she did not fully know (as well as she should have known) based on what she says.
It is very simple: a man who wants to marry you: OBVIOUSLY loves her and cherishes her...A man who wants to marry someone: (meaning to spend the rest of HIS life with her...) :
Trusts, confides and seeks solace from the rain and hardship IN HER! Why didn't he do this? As I suspected: he didn't truly love her as she took his word: this makes him a liar
because this isn't love. She couldn't add the facts up and like most women: she simply waited hand and foot for him and reacted to what he chose to do....

She came here because she knew NOT what to do.
This is where we come in... She should not take it personal. She did. Why?
For Same reason why he pushed her away! The difference is: I don't love her like he claimed to have loved her.

I'm just getting this impression that everyone thinks she is too blame in this situation....when in fact her only fault in my eyes, (asides making demands on his time when his family member died), was she got caught up with a lying, cheating prick who I think used OP and until he got his hands on a Muslim bride. It is NOT rare for these men to use Western women, until they get an arranged marriage....try doing a web search on it.

Quite frankly, it isn't completely her fault but SHE has a hand in the blame here.
You cannot lump a Muslim man: with a google search that lumps together one as *all* Muslim men...

However the Qu'ran does teach Muslims to deceive...And other horrible things I've personally read about...
Still, she chose poorly: and that also has implications of HER making a bad decision, which = accountability where I come from.

It was nothing personal.

[SelflessnHumble]

No here knows me so it's like whatever. I know the situation and I know that I'm not in the wrong. There is a difference between giving honest advice and just being a asshole.

<------------------Here is a good example of how HE just didn't want to deal with your silly American hyper sensitivity right here.... I gave honest advice, however, you took it personally
(which I suspect is a common theme with you in your life) and don't know how to deal with adversity: so what do you do? Take offense and name call.

Being told you were selfish (based on an opinion) doesn't mean you are a "F ucking bitch" or a dumb whore....It means *I* deduced from your posts that you thought of yourself more, than his needs.
Now, if I am incorrect would you like to know what a rational person does? They correct the incorrect statement and explain it: to clarify one's position...If I misread what you wrote
or implied things that aren't correct: I sincerely apologize for doing so. I read your posts as his brother was in America: my fault.

I am not annoyed. I don't even have a personal stake in your matter at all! While I do care (having dealt with this before) I don't care what you do afterward: because it is your life, not mine.
If you accepted him for who he was: then why need to write down anything else when he told you point blank: it's not going to work out: and he would be favored my Allah IF he marries a Muslim woman?

I'm glad you realized that you never got to know *him* because this was all I was really trying to say: and allowing words to fool you into
*feeling* he wanted to marry you (because he knew this is what you really wanted more than anything) it's possible he used it against you
when things got tough...Still, a brother's death isn't easy to handle. You made the bad mistake of investing yourself: to someone who wasn't deserving of it!

You were fooled: this wasn't his fault: it was yours. It you take offense to this: ask yourself why! It has relevance.
Of course he may have lied...but YOU CHOSE to believe in those lies! He doesn't have to answer for lying to you: because you allowed him to.
Point being: worry about yourself: not about what HE did...You can only be taken advantage of: if you allow it!

[Incognito]

^^^ Might want to edit that. The last three paragraphs are written by are OP. I was wondering what you were talking about until I got to the end and saw the "[QUOTE]"

[Homelife]

First of all, I never wanted to get married. I never mentioned even mentioned marriage. And he mentioned marriage before his brother got sick. I never even said yes to marriage. Again, you act like you know everything but you don't. I wish they had groan or 'No Thanks' buttons on here,lol.

Everyone make mistakes and life goes on.