girlfriend doing things behind my back and lying about it

[michaelg]

Something has been bothering me, although it might not be as bad as the topic might suggest. I am just trying to understand how seriously I should take it and whether I should confront her about it (again).

I am 27 and she is 25. We have been together for more than 2 years and living together for more than 1.
She seems to have a habit to lie about small things, but keep lying even once it has become obvious already. Last time she lied to me about buying some clothes (because she thought/knew that I wouldnt be so happy about it because of money situation), and told me that she bought it that day although I knew she bought it the day before. Even though I knew I didnt make a big deal out of it but then she started saying how she already brought them home that day, which was impossible because of time. I kinda laughed and said how impossible it was and she got upset accusing me of not trusting her. I said "well..." (still smiling), and told her it was impossible but that she didnt have to lie, that i wasnt upset but that i just wanted her to be honest. But she insisted she wasnt lying so i just said "ok". And then in the evening she sat down next to me, hugging me and saying how she wants me to trust her etc. This really hurt me because i knew she was lying... So I told her. And only after telling her three times to stop lying she finally accepted it. I wasnt even angry at her just quite upset that she could lie so easily to my face.

But then the current situation: after this incident I calmly told her that I was quite upset about it because I would us to be honest to each other. THat doesnt mean that you cant have little white lies but when confronted you should not make it worse and tell the truth.
Recently it turns out that one of her teachers/professors (she studies in the evenings) had a bit of a crush on her and had been asking her out to go somewhere together. One night she sent him a drunk message saying that she is together with me, "practically married" and that she was afraid to be honest with him (I guess because hes her teacher), but that if he still wanted to meet after knowing all this, they could, because she considers him a friend and an interesting guy. I didnt like this situation at all (that she had to tell him when she was drunk in the middle of the night), but she said that had been just scared to tell him 'no' because hes a nice guy and a good teacher. But I read a message of her to him afterwards (yes, i know, stupid of me) saying that she didnt want to go on trip with him, but that if he still wanted to meet that they could meet one evening "after Tuesday". After tuesday was because i would go on a business trip for a few days.

I didnt tell her anything about this but started the topic of this teacher again just mentioning that i didnt really like this situation, and that she should be careful because hes an older guy (not very gold but mid 30s i think) and that it could be annoying for her if he would really try to court her (it had happened before with an older colleague).
But now I am pretty sure they met the day before i came back. Not 100%, but 90%. And she didnt tell me about it, even though we spoke about what we did during that day/evening. I am also sure shes not cheating on me, and the reason why she is not telling me about this is because she is afraid i will be angry and sad, and she wants to avoid conflict because she probably really just met him to have a nice chat. But I feel very unsettled and nervous because i feel she is doing things behind my back and I constantly feel the urge to confront her about this. But at the same time I feel that if I confront her it could make things worse, and that she could feel I am spying on her or something.

Is there anyway I can approach this topic to confront her with it or should I just leave it alone? I do feel its a bit emotional cheating but I dont want to blow it out of proportions either.. How can I make this feel more acceptable for me without starting a huge fight?

[vashti]

No, darling. The reason she was afraid to tell him about you is that she was afraid he would stop pursuing her - NOT because she finds him to be interesting. If they met while you were gone, I would consider it a date. Are you okay with your girlfriend dating someone else?