I could use some help analyzing this situation...

[magicalhobo]

First off, hello everyone. I'm new here and it seems like a great place to discuss anything relationships.

Ok, well here's my conundrum. I'm 22 years old and am the President of my university's fencing club. I'm a senior and will be graduating at the end of the semester, so I wasn't expecting to start any relationships this semester. I do live in state though, so it wouldn't be all that bad. Anyways, a girl just joined the club and missed a practice, so she sent me a facebook message asking me what she missed. I responded and told her that I hoped she felt better and that turned into a long conversation. She asked if I could teach her how to snowboard, so we went out thursday and I gave her some lessons. After that, she asked me if I'd like to go to a club with her and her friends and I did and had a wonderful time. We were singing in my car together and having a blast.

That's when things got a little weird. After talking to her throughout the night it turns out that she's 18 years old and is a freshman. I only like to get into relationships if I think they have the chance to last, and now the whole situation is just weird. She still has three years left of college and is four years younger than me. The club went well and I dropped her off without giving her a hug goodbye. The next day (yesterday) I sent her a text asking if her knee was ok (she bumped it during snowboarding) and that turned into an hour and a half conversation. She's vegetarian and so am I, she doesn't drink (I know she's underage, but she's in college. Still a huge pro in my book), and she seems rather mature. She told me that she wanted to go out again sometime and today she invited me to go out with her and her friends and watch Snow White before we went out. I had other plans and wasn't able to follow through, though.

I'm really confused here. I can't stop thinking about her and the more I talk to her the more I like her, but she's so young and has three years left of college. Also, when we were at the club she kept joking about finding a cute girl for me to dance with and mentioned that she thought some other girl we went with that she didn't know well liked me. That kind of threw me off.

Sorry this thread is so long. I figured I'd get it all out in one large book instead of chopping it up throughout the thread. Thanks for any advice you can give me here!

[Sharz]

For starters the whole throw of things was probly jut her way of seeing if your interested in her or her friends, theres a meaning behind everything. Second of all. This is coming from some who is 19 early twenty and with a partner who is 28 who I am completely devotoed to. Everyone matures at different times. I have gone through experiences that have made me mature quickly then any other female my age. You just have some girls the develop quicker then others. 4 years is a great gap consider it this way... a 50 year old and a 54 year old, sound normal right? The only thing is obviously use will be a 2 different stages in life, as in ur career ect, so use will have to work out something there. Its great that use have the same interest, I just think you need to sus her out more, see what she wants if she really does like you, you never know unless you! Either way it will turn out good regardless iif u be together or not, you always gain a positive out of every negative! Hope Ive helped, feel free to ask more questions if u need =)

[SelflessnHumble]

That's not long at all dude. Hopefully, that's not what she said I keed, I keed.

She's younger and possibly less experienced than her which does not bode well in her favor...
Still, if you feel you only "play it safe" with relationships you "know" have a chance at lasting then you're not living.
How is a cautious man able to experience all that life to offers while playing it safe? Answer: he misses out!

So, there is nothing to be confused about here.
You like her: then either pursue her: OR? STOP pursuing her!

Btw, her joking about finding a cute girl for you to dance with: tells me she isn't interested in you seriously.
When a girl tells you that another girl likes you: she isn't interested as you are of her: besides: what do you care dude? She's *only* 18!

[magicalhobo]

Haha thanks. I know the age gap isn't that big; it's really the three years of school she has left that bothers me. I don't want to start a relationship and feel like there are doom clouds just over the horizon. I haven't discussed this with her at all, except for making one little joke at the club and she brushed it off and said it wasn't an issue.

You think the joke about finding a cute girl for me to dance with means she isn't interested in me? When she said it I just brushed it off and was like, "nah, I'm good." I also did the same when she told me about that other girl. When she asked me to go to the club she said something along the lines of, "you took me out of my element on this mountain, now I need to talk you out of yours. Do you want to go the the club?" I mentioned that I never really go clubbing so she really wanted to take me. I wasn't really sure if I should read that as some sort of test, or a serious comment. During our conversations we talked about what we like in the other sex and she mentioned that she likes nice guys and called me a sweetheart. But she said something along the lines of, "but they can't be too shy or they'll miss out." I might be looking too deeply into that, but you never know, girls are confusing. She did want to take me out again tonight as well. Idk though...

It's not that I play it safe per se, it's just that I don't like to hop into things that I don't think will have any meaning. I'm not a fan of flings. But yeah, I should take some more chances

[SelflessnHumble]

A women feeling compelled to return the favor of putting you in a different environment like you did to her: doesn't mean she likes you.
Everything in life is a test, whether or not She is the one conducting the test! You are looking too deeply into that.

You are also experiencing a sort of cognitive dissonance.
You know deep down that you two wouldn't last: and since this falls under your premise....You are compelled to stick to this archaic principle...
Yet, since you do want her: you are willing to see this through...but you haven't yet considered: the fact that YOU are using what she says
to gauge the seriousness of her interest is being subconsciously superimposed upon yours!

Btw, playing it safe means your bias and bigotry concerning the parameters you've already deduced in your mind as the foundational basis for excluding her
being a legitimate part of a "meaningful relationship" is the fundamental flaw with your thinking. You don't know that! Neither does she.

[magicalhobo]

Very true. But why would she invite me to go out again two days later and watch a movie beforehand? Sure, she could want to be friends, but to invite me out to the club with her almost two nights in a row? That's leading a guy on right there, lol. I drove her to the club and her friends drove in a separate car and she kept giggling while talking, we sang songs, and just talked about a ton of stuff. It seemed like it went well. At one point both cars stopped to get gas and were parked across from each other. When I walked out after paying I noticed that she was on the phone and so was her best friend. They saw me come out and both quickly put their phones away. I do over-analyze situations frequently and I'm probably doing so there. What do you think?

Thanks a lot for pointing out some of the flaws in my thinking. Honestly, I never even realized I was doing that, but you're completely right. I guess I judge girls too much before I really get to know them and give it a try.

[Klim]

So, the age gap's not that big, you're convinced you like her, but you're not convinced she likes you. Also, the main thing you're worried about is the 3 years of school she has to go, right? If that's the one thing holding you back, then I recommend going for it sometime soon or waiting until she's done with school. Keep in mind, it's really not that long to wait for an opportunity.

[magicalhobo]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go for it. I'm just confused because I feel like I've been getting mixed signals. It seems like the signs point to her probably liking me, except for her comment before we went to the club about me finding a cute girl to dance with. Then, at the club, telling me that she thought one of the girls we were with had a thing for me. She also brought it up once in the car and I shut it down immediately. Also, we live in the dorms at campus and had to walk across campus to the dorms and before she went to her dorm she just gave me a quick goodbye and I did the same, but it was below 0 degree weather and we were both basically speed walking to get back. However, she did ask me to go out again two days later, and when I asked her about her knee the day after she talked to me for a good hour and a half (mostly about what we thought of the opposite sex.)

At this point, that's what I'm most concerned about. Would she keep inviting a guy out if she didn't like him? Could she be trying to hook me up with her friends? I'm really confused because of the mixed signals.

[HeartIsAching]

Don't overthink it. You don't know it won't work out. You said that you live in the state, and since your location says "New England", I'm guessing it's not a particularly big state... you can go visit if you'd like.

The difference between 18 and 22, especially an 18 year old female and a 22 year old male, isn't all that great. Its there, but not insurmountable.

What's the worst that could happen? You could break up? What's the best that could happen? You could find you've got a love like mine? You should be so lucky.

[magicalhobo]

Thanks, I do tend to over think things. What do you think about the "mixed signals" I think I'm getting from her in my last post?

[HeartIsAching]

The "Cute girl for you to dance with" comment was almost certainly a deliberate opening for you to take that you missed. You were supposed to say "Can't I just dance with the cute girl I'm with? or some such.

[magicalhobo]

Haha, I'm such an idiot. Well she did say that before we went out and in front of all her friends, but yeah... haha!

[magicalhobo]

Ok, here's an update. We were talking online the night before valentines day. She started the conversation because she has a friend that wants to join my club, so she asked me about that and it turned into a four hour long conversation. Then, just after midnight she hit me with "happy valentines day! Are you and [my best friend] doing anything for it?" I said no, and asked if her and her best friend were. She said they probably weren't doing anything so I said, "ok, well if you two don't have any plans then I'm free if you want to do something tomorrow." So we ended up going bowling just the two of us on Valentines day. We were both pretty bad, but whenever she got a strike or spare I would give her a high five and instead of pulling her hands away she would kind of keep them there and bring them down with mine. Good sign, right? She isn't scared of me lol! Anyways, I wanted to give her a hug before we parted ways after, but it was freezing again and we kind of booked it back. We were just shivering and said bye. I didn't like the way that ended so I sent her a text a little later saying, "I have a nice time tonight. We should go out again sometime! " She said, "Me too! We totally should. "

Well, today I went to the dining hall for lunch with my friend and saw her and her best friend there eating. I didn't notice them until I was just about done eating, so I waved back to them halfway through and then went over to talk to them for a minute while my friend went to go get some coffee. The conversation was.... awkward. Her best friend looked at me a little funny and it made it a little strange to keep talking, so I just said, "well, just saying hi!" and then left with my friend. That was it, but the convo was a little weird and seemed kind of forced so I dunno. I noted both of them laughing while I was walking away... Any good date ideas? How long should I wait before I ask her out again?

[SelflessnHumble]

Here's what I think: you aren't that take charge kind of guy that women respond to.
Freezing or not: this was an excuse. Hi fiving: means nothing but she had a good time.

I can have a good to great time with someone I enjoy being around: it does NOT mean I like them.
What you did: (or didn't do) was go the extra mile, and "show" her that you liked her.

Touching, petting, flirting and hugging (finger tip walking) is what people do when they like each other...

As for her best friend:
She was told everything that happened, let's get that straight.
2nd: She may be jealous about hearing about you two on V-day...Or, she just wanted to make you feel awkward with that face she made...

Since you let it get to you: you killed it!
If a conversation felt awkward: you did NOT take control and turn it into a fun conversation...you were the follower and women hate that.

If you were a cave man...and without this site existing to tell you what to do:
I'm afraid your species would be extinct due to your inaction and tip toe-ing through the tulips..

Edit: Where is the mystery (fun and excitement) when you need instructions outlined in chalk (from her) in order for you to make your move? Boring.

[HeartIsAching]

I think she's interested, and you should ask her out for a REAL date.