if you're not married you're single....

[enjungrl]

some call if a test drive and some say it will never work. please share your thoughts on living together before you are married or engaged?

[smackie9]

It's called being common-in-law actually and I've been doing it for about 12 years now. We will never marry for I don't think it's necessary. We don't have kids either.

As for your question, I think it's very necessary to do so because living with someone is a true test of self to see if you can stand to co-exist together without killing each other lol. You learn real fast about the other's bad habits and you have to learn about patience and compromise. There's a lot involved with living together, like who will take care of the bills, who's going to do the cooking, cleaning and shopping, etc. I will tell you this once married or been together for a long time the woman will end up doing 98% of the chores, so train your man early if you can.

[enjungrl]

just curious....do you introduce him as your boyfriend or husband?

[RockNRoll]

Well, it depends if you want to live a married-style life with someone who you may never marry. And your thoughts and plans about marriage and family in general.

Personally, I have more question as to why people, who want to be married eventually, live together for a long time without making it official.
If you are sure, that you want to get married, than why not do it (or get engage) before starting living together?
If you are unsure, that you want to be with the person in future, than why would you tie yourself down and lose a chance of finding someone, you'll want to be with?

I don't understand why some would not get married in a fear of getting divorced.
I think breaking up after "just living together" for a long time is not better than official divorce. In fact, from legal perspective, the second one is more secure.

Normally we have our best hopes in heart, but nobody knows what will happen, and although experience of living together may give you more confidence and believe in successful marriage, it's not a guarantee. So if you feel like living together, why not get engaged?

[smackie9]

just curious....do you introduce him as your boyfriend or husband?

I introduce him as my husband. Here in Canada if you cohabitate for 6 months you are considered as common-law and fall under the same laws as being married. So in other words he can take half my s hit if we split.

[smackie9]

Well, it depends if you want to live a married-style life with someone who you may never marry. And your thoughts and plans about marriage and family in general.

Personally, I have more question as to why people, who want to be married eventually, live together for a long time without making it official.
If you are sure, that you want to get married, than why not do it (or get engage) before starting living together?
If you are unsure, that you want to be with the person in future, than why would you tie yourself down and lose a chance of finding someone, you'll want to be with?

I don't understand why some would not get married in a fear of getting divorced.
I think breaking up after "just living together" for a long time is not better than official divorce. In fact, from legal perspective, the second one is more secure.

Normally we have our best hopes in heart, but nobody knows what will happen, and although experience of living together may give you more confidence and believe in successful marriage, it's not a guarantee. So if you feel like living together, why not get engaged?

Like I mentioned if you are in Canada you are considered as married after 6 months so it doesn't matter if you get married or not, you still have to go through divorce proceedings if you separate. As for people who don't get married a long time it's usually out of laziness or they haven't faced the reality that they are not with "the one". Some live together out of convenience rather than a precursor to marriage.

[smackie9]

For me getting married is a pile of poop, that's why I never bothered. If I did I'd be on my 4th marriage by now. It may be expected of you to do so but you don't have to if you don't want to.....

[Boisdevie]

Whether you live together or marry without living together first there is no guarantee that it will work.

[reeba]

I still say living together is a good idea as a trial run. But only after engagement and a date is set. That is because there are several probs with living together.
- One is that 'honeymoon' period will happen while you are living together. So if the 'honeymoon period' is gone and went, what are the chances that after you have become and 'old hat' that you will get married. Nothing wrong with living together, but if marriage is the goal, I wouldn't live together unless there is a set date in the near future.
- Many states do not have common law. You have no rights. In my case my finance was killed in a car accident. I quickly found myself stuck with lots of bills which both our names were on (lease, utilities, phone, car, etc....) but no access to life insurance, or health insurance as his survivor, or his bank account with was just his name.
- People these days move in with eachother way too soon. Just read this site. Tons of people moving in with their bf of a whopping 3 months. Living together means little in today's society. It does not elevate you in status relationship wise, nor does it make your relationship more secure.
- Statistics show that the divorce rate for people who lived together first, is actually higher. So obviously living together is not a good 'trial'. My theory is you are unable to look elsewhere while living together. Limits your chances of actually finding the right one. So don't do it unless you know he is the right one and you are getting married.

[xxazurexx]

I introduce him as my husband. Here in Canada if you cohabitate for 6 months you are considered as common-law and fall under the same laws as being married. So in other words he can take half my s hit if we split.

Same over here.

[vashti]

People really call themselves married when they haven't formally married? WTF?

Anyway - I see no point in living together before getting married. People routinely sleep at one another's homes these days, and you can learn all you need to know about your partner's lifestyle and value system without actually living together, and the small stuff can be negotiated later. Generally speaking, the quickest way to have a man start taking you for granted is to move in with him. I am very much in favor of prolonging the dating phase.

[qwertz]

Me and my bf are planning to move in together this summer. By then we will have been together over a year. The next logical step is to move in together to make sure we are compatible when living under the same roof (which we both believe we are, otherwise we wouldnt be doing it). When/if we actually get engaged I want to be able to be confident that things are going to work out. I'd hate to get engaged, start planning the wedding (so many people get engaged without ever having a wedding!!) and then realise we cant live together.
I also have assets that i dont want to end up sharing if we were to get married and divorced because we hadnt realised we hate each others guts when living together!

[qwertz]

People really call themselves married when they haven't formally married? WTF?

Anyway - I see no point in living together before getting married. People routinely sleep at one another's homes these days, and you can learn all you need to know about your partner's lifestyle and value system without actually living together, and the small stuff can be negotiated later. Generally speaking, the quickest way to have a man start taking you for granted is to move in with him. I am very much in favor of prolonging the dating phase.

But them small things can become one big thing when living together 24/7.

[vashti]

But them small things can become one big thing when living together 24/7.

You should know very well without living together whether or not you can negotiate differences and responsibilities with your lover. Unless you've been living long distances apart, you do this on a regular basis anyway.

But this is just my opinion. I realize my position doesn't represent popular opinion.

[Kaius]

I think you should live together only after some commitment is established. You should live together once engaged, because you want to conserve resources and spend time together planning for wedding and future.
There is no point in moving in together while merely dating, at least for the female. She gets to give him free sex, cook/clean for him, while he can continue to live a single's life? Not a good deal if you ask me.