Completely blindsided...need a better perspective.

[bigdrew83]

I met this girl a while back. We were dating for a month and moving along quite well. She seemed very sincere and genuine. Something I haven't found in a girl in a while. She was older than me by four years (She will be 31 this year). We talked about what we want in a relationship and we both want the same thing.

We took it slow to get to know each other. We would just hold hands and take walks. We would go out for dinner, cuddle on the couch, kiss each other goodnight. We would text each other throughout the day just saying sweet things and that we missed each other. We were very affectionate from the start.

The last time we talked we agreed that we wanted to see more of each other and that we couldn't wait until the next time we could. She text me the following day saying that I'm such a wonderful person and getting to know me more made her excited.

Then, two days later she said she wants to see this other guy and kicked me to the curb. This other guy is a friend of a friend and she met him for lunch for some reason. She said that she felt a connection and that she wanted to pursue that over me. I think the key phrase she said was that "she didn't want to settle". She said that she likes me, and that she also likes him. She said that she can't give her whole heart to me now because of it.

Since then I can't stop thinking of her. We haven't talked but once and it wasn't the greatest (her just saying that she doesn't deserve a person like me and that I can find someone better).

So my question is, why the sudden blindside? I get the whole "its not you its me" vibe from her last response. When she said that she felt she was settling for me it felt like she wanted to test the waters out one last time.

Thoughts?

[MerryH]

So my question is, why the sudden blindside?

She explained herself pretty well, I think. I'm not sure what you're asking for here.

[bigdrew83]

I just don't get how everything can be going fine and dandy and then the next two days it goes completely in the hole. Should I wait for this chick to see if she wants to get back? Should I try and stay in her life and fight for her? Should I even talk to her again after all this? Does the sudden switch indicate that she doesn't know what she wants in life? Would it be a good decision to take her back if the occasion occurred?

I guess the problem is I just can't stop thinking about her. It would have been fine if we both didn't like each other, but we actually do like each other

[MerryH]

No to all three questions. Do you really want to wait to see if she "settles" for you? Wait around on the backburner so when things don't work out with this other guy she chose over you, you can be there to pick up his leftovers? I think you should value yourself more than that. Go out and find someone who actually wants to be with you instead of wasting time on this one.

[smackie9]

She was totally honest with you....count your lucky stars because she could have just let things die a slow death and left you without any explanation. Dude relationships will come and go in your life....and this was one of them. I think it was a good thing because you were not head over heels in love so say la vie.