So my girlfriend really confuses me

[elnino]

Hey guys,
So me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months so it's still really early days and she is my first serious girlfriend (I'm 23 by the way). Everything is great, but she confuses the hell out of me by some of the comments she makes:
Over the past few weeks she's been telling me that I should look for someone else to go out with, and that I can do better than her.
Every now and again she would tell me that she doesn't like me as much any more, initially I thought she was just teasing, but she seems to say it alot, now I'm thinking that there maybe some truth to what she is saying.
The other day she told me that I'm the only man she wants to be with.

She contradicts herself alot of the time and I can never really understand what she is trying to get at!
I should also add, that I was the first one to make a move and initially I knew for a fact that she liked me alot and I still do like her alot.

Oh yeah I almost forgot to mention this, so we both study at the same college, but at the end of the academic year we're gonna be moving to opposite sides of the country, and she is convinced that I'm only using her for a bit of fun before I move on in my life. This is far from the truth I'd never want to use her like that, it's only 3 months, but I already have really strong feelings for her, before I met her I was celibate for 5 years out of choice, I broke it for her.

So any advice on what she really means when she says what she says would be really appreaciated.

[MerryH]

What does she say when you ask her about this?

[elnino]

Well, she says she doesn't know why she thinks I should look for someone better than her, she says she just feel like saying it. Deep down on the inside I think she may be afraid of me hurting her or something, I think she might be avoiding getting too close to me for that to happen.

[bluesummer]

Maybe she just wants to hear reassurance from you that you wouldn't dump her and that you don't think there IS anyone better than her. Insecure girls do that a lot. They purposely point out their owned perceived inadequacies with the expectation that you will reassure them they don't exist.

[MerryH]

Well, she says she doesn't know why she thinks I should look for someone better than her, she says she just feel like saying it.

I've learned that if someone tells you they're not "good enough" for you, you should believe them. I see this as sort of a way of making a preemptive excuse to treat you like crap. Like, "Well, I told him I wasn't good enough for him, and he still wanted me, so I guess he's cool with me not being a good girlfriend. Sweet."

Or, the person actually believes they're not good enough, in which case they have poor self-esteem and that doesn't make for a good girlfriend, either, so...

[SelflessnHumble]

Here's my advice: RUN and don't look back dude.

Most women are a walking contradiction.
When someone tells you that you're just using them for a bit of fun: it tells me that they are NOT interested in you so use that kind of
remark as a deflection to detract the obviousness of what she says versus what she means.

The fact you don't have experience with women blinds you from making sense of someone who is nucking futz.

The is insecure and shallow.
You don't make her happy, and it is very possible she either fancies someone else that either doesn't reciprocate or doesn't like her back.
So she has to end up with miserable and poor you as a consolation. She has issues that you cannot solve.

[elnino]

Here's my advice: RUN and don't look back dude.

Most women are a walking contradiction.
When someone tells you that you're just using them for a bit of fun: it tells me that they are NOT interested in you so use that kind of
remark as a deflection to detract the obviousness of what she says versus what she means.

So are you saying that even though she thinks I'M using HER for a bit of fun, that must mean that she is not interested in me?

The is insecure and shallow.
You don't make her happy, and it is very possible she either fancies someone else that either doesn't reciprocate or doesn't like her back.
So she has to end up with miserable and poor you as a consolation. She has issues that you cannot solve.

Damn, so do you think that her telling me to look for someone else, is basically her way of telling me she isn't feeling me as much anymore?

I forgot to mention this, but whenever I playfully suggest that maybe I will find someone else she gets upset and says she doesn't want me to leave her. Anyway, so I told her that it bothers me every time she says those things, so she stopped saying them, however the other day I asked her what she wanted to do for V-day, and she flat out told me that she wants to be by herself and that I should find someone else to do something with?!?!?

Maybe I'm being overly emotional with her, I'm normally in control of myself but I can't help but find myself thinking about her a lot of the time.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far, keep it coming :-)

[xxazurexx]

I think I agree with Blue. She's saying these things and because she is looking for reassurance from you that you truly want to be with her, that you aren't just using her.

It's a 'test'. She's pushing you away and awaiting your reactions and to see if she does mean something to you.

Saying that, I've also heard of people giving the 'You are too good for me' line and when they are looking for a way out of a relationship.

[Cinnabella]

She wants reassure, lol, I did that too and wanted hear sweet words from him saying I was the best lol!

[salena]

Sounds like she wants to be fed compliments. I know when I say stuff like that to my boyfriend, its b/c i want him to reassure me that he loves me. When she says "you should hang out with other people" she wants to hear "no baby, i only want to be with you!" or when she says stuff about how you can do better, she wants to hear "your the best i can do! your perfect"

it's just insecurities girls have that you need to make her feel like she's wanted and that she's the only one you care about.

[Cinnabella]

Not really insecurity but ppl say that anything can change, so love can change too who knows. Oh ask a female forum but seem some guys understand women here, lmao!

[AMansView]

Dude, you need to get out of that relationship. Actually the relationship has not started. She is most likely seeing someone else or thinking of it. My advise would be just use her for a sex partner. Not because this is what I believe in but it will ease your pain if she breaks up with you. This world rarely revolves around long relationships anymore. I myself have been with my wife for 18 years. Everything is doing well.

Hope this helps man

[elnino]

Well, I really didn't expect to get some of these replies. The guys are saying something totally different to what the women here are telling me. Before I posted on here, similar things to what AMansView and SelflessnHumble were going through my mind, but the women on here put a new spin on things. I think I'll take their advice and see how things go, I did post in the ask a female forum for a reason!

[xxazurexx]

Well, I really didn't expect to get some of these replies. The guys are saying something totally different to what the women here are telling me. Before I posted on here, similar things to what AMansView and SelflessnHumble were going through my mind, but the women on here put a new spin on things. I think I'll take their advice and see how things go, I did post in the ask a female forum for a reason!

Well you did ask for a 'females' opinion and only females know how females tick...

[RockNRoll]

I agree with girls, she wants a LOT of reassuring about herself, your feelings and the whole relationship. If you can handle her being so insecure and not confident, talk to her about your feelings. But check, if it helps after some time.