Help. Please. Do I have any chance?

[Skylark]

I'd been dating a girl, April for a bit over two years.
She was the sister of my best friend, and I sort of fell into a relationship with her after spending time at his house, we had fooled around in the past, her and I, but then we started a proper relationship. She had a child to a previous partner, which was a bit of a problem for me, he was a bit under one year old when our relationship started. We had some tough times, and she battled with depression and various phobias/anxiety. But over time we both really developed and our relationship became almost perfect, her depression and irrationality disappeared and all of my insecurities faded away. I even started to love her child who was now almost three.
Her and I were amazing together, most days was a fun filled adventure and we could talk about anything. I trused her completly and loved her more than I could imagine. The sex was fantastic and life seemed perfect.
Then my father died, and I went a little off the rails, she got me through most of it and I will be eternally grateful to her for it. But I needed some time to myself, and to spend time with my mother who was not living in an empty house. I dabbled with drugs (nothing too serious), and although I was completly functional, I didn't want to drag her through my shit while I worked it out. So I broke up with her, and I told her why.
Then along came this girl Denise I had had a crush on well before I started my relationship with April. I flirted with her and it really helped me to get through not rushing back to April. Then after a few attempts at winning me back April told me about a guy she had met who liked her. I considered everything from my current perspective, and thought that since April had been my first real long term relationship I had no idea what I was doing and that I should get out there and experience life while I was young (I'm 23). Especially since she had slept with many more people than I had and even had a child with one of them. I started seeing this new girl Denise and things were exciting and new and fantastic.
Then kablammo!
Around three months later.
I had worked all of my stuff out, and I knew who I was in life. I was ready to live life again, and I knew April was all I needed in my life.
I broke up with Denise and told April how I felt. But she had found a new boyfriend, one significantly older than I am, with his own house, and more responsible than I am. He told her he was going to ask her to marry him in October, and introduces her to his friends as April His-last-name. It happened so quickly and out of nowhere.

I asked her if she would marry him, she said "maybe"
I asked her if she could ever see us getting together again she said "sometimes"
she said her and I have minds very much alike, and that her new man makes her feel inferior to her all the time, he doesn't appreciate the little things
he never stops or relaxes, and she misses our cuddles etc (I assume by "etc" she was implying she misses sex)
she said she misses me

So, April's new boyfriend is a good guy, and at the end of all of this I do just want her to be happy, really I do and if that is with him then so be it. But I think she'll be happier in her life with me, and I'll be happy for the rest of my life if I get to spend it with her. Because with her my life will be special.
I want her to marry me more than anything, and I have told her she should marry me, but she says it's a difficult decision, and she still stays with her boyfriend.

I said I'm sorry for making her life more complicated (regarding the me saying she should marry me) and she said, it's ok as long as I ment it. I replied "it's the only thing I'm sure of in the whole world". Before we broke up she asked me to ask her to marry me and I did, three months too late apparently.
when I see her we flirt, and she hugs me at every opportunity, even making excuses to hug me, and she always talks about how when we talk it puts her in such a good mood and she can relax when she is talking to me.

I had sex with Denise when I was with her around the time April had sex with her new boyfriend.

I would give everything I own to have her back, but I fear I'm too late...

What should I do?:
Give up?
Keep trying?
Anything?

Thank you, It's been many months now and I just don't know what to do. I wake up thinking about her and go to sleep thinking about her. I try to get over her but she is everything I look for and all that I want. I feel I have given up the best part of my life and it's all my fault.

Help.

[ktm390]

man you ****ed up!!! if she ever does take you back there will always be the issues of you two sleeping with other people and her being in love with another guy... i would say you should just let it go.... if i was you. cuz personally i could never get over the one i love sleeping with someone else. if you can deal with that then maybe you have a chance. but you really REALLY need to think about if you can handle all that other bullshit. i could not. good luck

[Darkest Heaven]

It's never easy to let go of a relationship when you know for a fact that you are the reason it ended. I really don't know what to tell you other than to call her, tell her how you feel, and get an answer.

Don't leave the ball in her court. That's just digging you into a deeper hole IMO. If she's in love with you, she'll be there. If she isn't, she will continue with her life and you will have to find closure within yourself.

[Skylark]

Yeah, I can deal with her sleeping with another man, loving him, maybe, loving him more than me? I don't know if she does but I don't know how well I could deal with that.

I have called her and we talk occasionally, I've expressed most of these feelings to her and she says she misses me. She still loves me but she also loves her new boyfriend. She isn't really the type of person to break up with her partner. If things are really bad she will, but otherwise she'll put up with a lot when she is with someone.

[Darkest Heaven]

Then there is your answer. I'd cut contact ASAP. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing somebody I'm that in love with in the arms of another person. It's just not in me. Live your life as she is living hers, else you have a possibility of torturing yourself forever for a day that may never come.

[Skylark]

Absolutely, I agree and I have tried doing that.
It's just that if I don't talk to her for more than two weeks I can't do anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I'm never really happy.
I just need to hear her voice or see her and I can eat and work and sleep and not feel miserable for around a week then I'm back to miserable and just needing to hear from her.
It was generally the other way around in our relationship, she needed to hear from me all the time. Is it wrong of me to need her as at least a friend now that our relationship is ended?
There is nothing else I want in the world other than to hear from her, and I can live with it only being once every few weeks. I have been going through this feeling for months and the only relief I get is when I talk to her.

[ktm390]

Yeah, I can deal with her sleeping with another man, loving him, maybe, loving him more than me? I don't know if she does but I don't know how well I could deal with that.

I have called her and we talk occasionally, I've expressed most of these feelings to her and she says she misses me. She still loves me but she also loves her new boyfriend. She isn't really the type of person to break up with her partner. If things are really bad she will, but otherwise she'll put up with a lot when she is with someone.

WHAT????? seriously??? man grow a pair and dump that slut,,,,,if she does love someone else!!!! come on man dont put yourself thorough that bullshit!!! you are worth more than that!! dont let that snatchwagon run your life!! ahhhhhh i just dont know what more to say except **** HER!!! man really **** her!!! really **** her!!! oh man just fuick her!!! oh man dont put yourself through all this shit over a whore like her,,, i know you might not like what i'm sayin but if she is doing this to you then she is a ho!! really man, she is. she is probably just tellin you that shit to keep an extra dick on the side....

[Skylark]

I know.
But I was the one who broke up with her, so I already dumped her, I was the one who told her that we should see other people. I ****ed up.
And I do have a few other options, even Denise.
But other women just make me miss her more.
And she's not the type to keep another dick on the side, she would never cheat or anything like that.

[ktm390]

oh man i know you realized you ****ed up!!! unless she dumps him for you but then can you really trust her? if she did that for you why wouldnt she do it for someone else? i have been there man and i just know how this situation is most likely gonna turn out. its sad but its best you just let her go. really man just let her go....

[ktm390]

oh man i know you realized you ****ed up!!! unless she dumps him for you but then can you really trust her? if she did that for you why wouldnt she do it for someone else? i have been there man and i just know how this situation is most likely gonna turn out. its sad but its best you just let her go. really man just let her go....

[Darkest Heaven]

Your life not being able to move without her in it is a dependency issue. It sucks. I've been there and will probably be there again unless I figure out a way to stop myself from getting into something like that again.

What you, and I for that matter, have to realize is simply that life will go on with or without the other person, and it'll go the way you take it. If you deal with it once and for all, you can live on. If you contact her every 2 weeks, you'll be posting these kind of threads and talking about this for an indefinite amount of time.

True love is a for sure thing. If she's happily moving on, do the same. If you can't, seek help from a professional. But don't continue to torture yourself as you have been.

[Klim]

I'd hold on to whatever hopes you have for as long as possible. If you think she's worth wasting time waiting for, why should you abandon hope? I waited about 8 years for the best, for lack of a more in-depth term, relationship I know just because I thought I wouldn't like anyone more than her. I've yet to be proven wrong, and that time won't come soon, if ever.

I mean, sure, you messed up with your first shot, but give it another go. The only reason you have to leave your hopes of getting back together is if one of you is unhappy. Neither of you sounded unhappy the first time 'round, and did you not say she said her current man made her feel inferior? Now THAT'S a problem.

In short, keep hope alive.

[ktm390]

I'd hold on to whatever hopes you have for as long as possible. If you think she's worth wasting time waiting for, why should you abandon hope? I waited about 8 years for the best, for lack of a more in-depth term, relationship I know just because I thought I wouldn't like anyone more than her. I've yet to be proven wrong, and that time won't come soon, if ever.

I mean, sure, you messed up with your first shot, but give it another go. The only reason you have to leave your hopes of getting back together is if one of you is unhappy. Neither of you sounded unhappy the first time 'round, and did you not say she said her current man made her feel inferior? Now THAT'S a problem.

In short, keep hope alive.

8 years? really? either she has been givin you some kind of hope this whole time or you are the biggest sucker EVER!!!!! really?? 8 years? she must be as good in bed a my ex!!

[GK001]

I mean, sure, you messed up with your first shot, but give it another go. The only reason you have to leave your hopes of getting back together is if one of you is unhappy. Neither of you sounded unhappy the first time 'round, and did you not say she said her current man made her feel inferior? Now THAT'S a problem.

In short, keep hope alive.

Drug addicts are happy when they are sniffing. the heart can be deceptive. if one falls in love with another he/she will be happy no matter what type of lame jokes you tell or silly things you do. If he loves her dearly and its more stable, then he would give her a better future if they get married.
there is more to it then just "love" and "happiness" in a marriage mate. love can fade...once its put in the pressure cooker of reality and every day living. There are too many women out there destroying their lives because they followed their heart with out any control or slight bit of logic lol

OP should really think about this very carefully. talk it over with family and friends. you don't want to ruin her and your life with this "2nd chance". people don't change, you didn't change.