Is this a hint of jealousy or am I imagining it?

[Kaius]

My fiancee and I have a very close and honest relationship. I was always the jealous one, especially early on (a year ago) when she used to mention her ex-BF and ex-Husband, and I would get very uncomfortable. I eventually got over my doubts and insecurities, and now I only joke about my being possessive / jealous, which we often laugh about. Since the beginning, she indicated that she's not the jealous type at all. Whatever I did in my past, she didn't care. If I cheated with another woman, she would just leave me. She is unwilling to spend time and energy worrying about what I did with other women, or what I am doing now with female colleagues. She's just not jealous at all. Fine.

Recently, she has grown very attached to me. I feel as though she has been resisting her true self all this time, and now it's coming out. She would jokingly ask what sex positions I did with my ex-wife and ex-GFs, and I would tell her "I don't know". Then she would ask if I did whatever with my ex, and I ignore her.

This morning, she outright asked me, "Did you have lots of oral sex with past women?"
I replied, "I don't remember."
Then she inadvertently said,"Come on, tell me...I want to know what my competition got."
I got confused, and asked, "what competition?"
Then she said, "I just want to know....I'm not even jealous...I just want to know."

Okay ladies, do women ask about their men's sexual past just for fun, or is there some jealous ideas behind this?
I am kinda confused, because this is mixed signal that I can't seem to figure out. If she is in fact the jealous
type, I gotta be careful not to implicate myself unknowingly. Any ideas?

[bluesummer]

That's seriously weird. I would never want to know what my husband did sexually with any woman in his past, and I certainly don't consider any of them my 'competition'. I find it alarming that she would want that kind of detail.

Just tell her that you've blocked out your past sexual experiences. And really.....be honest. Tell her that when she asks those types of questions it really makes you question her insecurity level. Thats not healthy in a relationship, and if you're engaged you really need to sort that out before you make it official.

[xxazurexx]

To be honest, I've never wanted to know nor never asked what any partner got up to sexually with other women. I don't want to hear what he did with other women and because what he did was before he met me and really it's none of my business. I've also never had a guy ask me and what I got up to sexually with previous partners either.

I'd probably stoop to doing it, if I was looking for an argument.

And why would she feel insecure about other women and when you two appear to have an amazing sex life anyway?

[vertical_sky]

I don't think it's necessarily a sign of jealousy. Maybe she's trying to figure out what turns you on, or get ideas about her expertise versus other women's. I am prone to jealousy and insecurity, but I ask about a guy's past experiences purely out of curiosity and a desire to learn.

[xxazurexx]

You should tell her you had 'anal'....then she might offer up her ass that you are so desperate for lol

[bluesummer]

I don't think it's necessarily a sign of jealousy. Maybe she's trying to figure out what turns you on, or get ideas about her expertise versus other women's. I am prone to jealousy and insecurity, but I ask about a guy's past experiences purely out of curiosity and a desire to learn.

Yes, but there's a better and less creepy way to learn. Just ask what he likes.

[MerryH]

Maybe she's wondering why you're so bad at oral sex, and wants to know how your previous partners handled it or if you ever even did that with them.

[vertical_sky]

@Bluesummer

You'd be amazed at how tongue-tied a lot of guys seem to get about what they're into. I swear, every guy I've asked has just sorta shrugged and said," Uh... naked women? Doing... stuff?" It's like the part of the brain that stores the kinky sexy stuff and the part of the brain that holds the words forget the other part exists.

Why go through all the hard investigative work with the interrogation when the guy could just say," Oh me and my ex did x." They got him to do the boring talky stuff (I mean, honestly, how many guys are gonna prefer TALKING about sex as opposed to HAVING it?) and you get to reap the fun rewards!

[Kaius]

You should tell her you had 'anal'....then she might offer up her ass that you are so desperate for lol

Ya know what? That would definitely force her to offer up her bum, but she would be sad doing it.
I would never play mind games with her. When she's ready for anal sex, she'll tell me.

[Regnent]

Strikes me as a bit odd, not jealous, but odd.

Sounds almost like trying to rank her self, or be ranked I guess.
Might be wondering if she's as interesting as other women, etc.

Regardless, I think it's a bad question to answer.

@MerryH
I don't know if it's a guys perception, or a social perception, but answering a question about what we want (or for example, me) leaves me with a serious case of dread.
I don't know if this is fair to women, or just a assumed generalization, but I find it more true of the female sex;
You say you like anal, she isn't into it, it's going to affect how she views sex with you. She may not be as interested because in the back of her mind, she's thinking, 'he's a perv', 'I don't like what he likes, so screw it', etc.
I know many women already think having sex is being used, and being specific about it just sounds like a bad mix.
My personal view on it.

[MerryH]

@MerryH

Okay? I wasn't suggesting that he tell her anything, I was just giving him a possible reason she might have asked, what with her not being the jealous type and all.

[Regnent]

Whoops, sorry MerryH, that was supposed to be directed at vertical_sky.

[AMansView]

Sounds like you've got a freak for a fiance (which is a good thing). Sounds like she's been having conversations with people that is getting her riled up. Nice that she is concerned about taking out competition. That means she's going to put it on ya. But I don't see anything wrong with it. It also looks like your in the drivers seat.